Only been married 4 months and I think it's over!

(139 Posts)
MissSparkle47 Thu 02-Dec-21 12:43:46

Advice needed please-
I will try to keep it short, I am feeling very stupid and embarrassed. I have been with my partner for 9 years, he doesn't really get on with my daughters aged 18 (Uni) and 20.(own house with boyfriend) Some of it is justified as they have been rude to him in the past but they have also been nice to him. They have caused me a lot of upset in the past also. We live apart as I have a flat with my job and he has a house and his 15 year old lives with him week on and week off. We sold my house last year to buy some land to build our own house (hasn't started yet) we go between his and mine. My older daughter has recently announced she is pregnant (not ideal but what can I do) the hate towards my girls seems to be getting worse and worse, he would rather I have nothing to do with them. He has now announced that when we build 'our house' my children nor grandchildren will be welcome. What on earth do I do....there is no way I could ever accept that. It is not up for negotiation apparently.. so really what choice do I have??

OP’s posts: |
ToughTittyWhompus Thu 02-Dec-21 12:44:30

No choice but to leave him.

NugsNotDrugs Thu 02-Dec-21 12:48:46

He really hasn’t given you much choice has he? He sounds like he doesn’t value your happiness at all!

FrancescaContini Thu 02-Dec-21 12:50:10

OMG!!
You leave him!! Of course!

unname Thu 02-Dec-21 12:50:47

That’s crazy and I’d be wondering if he wanted you to leave him.

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow Thu 02-Dec-21 12:51:15

Leave him, your girls are still important to you regardless of age, however it's the fact he's said this, made the decision with no negotiation at all. He's being very controlling.

HollowTalk Thu 02-Dec-21 12:53:10

I hope your money is kept separate, OP? It's not in a joint account, is it?

This obviously isn't the man for you. He's horrible to your children and he is trying to control how often you see them. You need to get rid, but sort the money out first.

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sommer1 Thu 02-Dec-21 12:53:28

How awful, your daughters and grandkids are far more important than him, how dare he try and ban them from your house. Men come and go your flesh and blood are to stay. Sell the land and wave him off.

Birdsnesting Thu 02-Dec-21 12:53:49

Why would you even have married someone who is that unpleasant to and about your daughters in the first place?

You don't have any choice. End things now.

SpookyMargot Thu 02-Dec-21 12:54:04

Leave him. He's revealed the person he truly is.

MushroomQueen Thu 02-Dec-21 12:55:14

Jesus leave him - not up for negotiation is you seeing your children- refuse to move in with him and stay in your place and enjoy your kids and grandchildren. He can lump it or leave it- he does get to dictate your relationship with your kids wtf does he think he's doing

girlmom21 Thu 02-Dec-21 12:58:48

I can't believe you married him in the first place.
Divorce him.

nocnoc Thu 02-Dec-21 13:01:00

You end the relationship and buy your own house near your daughters and have a lovely life! Wow. This is absolutely over. Tell him right now. No. You’re the one who’s out mate.

BIWI Thu 02-Dec-21 13:01:23

Why on earth did you marry him?! You have 5 posts on MN (in this name at least) and all of them have been asking for help with your relationship, and more than 4 months ago.

Listen to what he's telling you, and then LTB. And when you have - get some self-esteem! No-one deserves to be treated like this, and how he's dealing with your DC is awful. What a horrible man.

Vallmo47 Thu 02-Dec-21 13:02:47

Your replies are very blunt OP but I would have to agree that your children should come first and that he’s showing his true colours. I’m sorry that’s not nice to hear. Look after yourself.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Thu 02-Dec-21 13:03:52

no idea why you married him but hey get out now- no shame, things dont work out

Coviddy Thu 02-Dec-21 13:05:06

I'm really interested - WHY would you marry in these circumstances?!

LublinToDublin Thu 02-Dec-21 13:06:25

End the marriage and leave the relationship.

You say we sold my house to buy some land which is telling. It was your house. Did he contribute to the land purchase? Is it in joint names?

Cheerbear24 Thu 02-Dec-21 13:18:50

Plan to leave him. See a solicitor ASAP about the land purchase and explore how you can back out of it. I’ve seen your other posts and honestly don’t walk away from him run. Why did you marry him?!!

Momijin Thu 02-Dec-21 13:19:41

That's crazy! I wonder what he would say if you said that about his child. Anyway, the answer is easy in this case. Leave him.

impossible Thu 02-Dec-21 13:23:43

Leave him and call it a day. Immediately. There really is no other way forward and if he is trying to deny you access to your dcs four months in things will certainly get worse. See a solicitor asap so your finances are as little entangled as possible.

Don't let embarrassment stop you. This is the point at which you take control of your life and build up your self esteem. Divorcing him can be the first step.

Chocaholic9 Thu 02-Dec-21 13:23:55

You have no choice but to leave.

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow Thu 02-Dec-21 13:26:00

I presume he's kept his house in his name and the land is in yours? Sell the land and buy yourself a house.

Monr0e Thu 02-Dec-21 13:26:25

So your daughters were 9 and 11 when you got together? How long has he visibly disliked them for?

You act like an innocent bystander with no agency, yet you chose to marry a man who in your words, hates your daughters. You need to fix this quick before you lose them, and all your future grandchildren forever.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea Thu 02-Dec-21 13:27:50

God I hope you've kept the land in your name or ring-fenced your investment.

That's outrageous. Where's his dd going to live? I assume he's ok to see her. What a total shit!!

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