Leaving his wife

(298 Posts)
foolbutwilling Thu 28-Oct-21 14:04:29

Yes I'm a terrible person and have no self esteem/should rot in hell for being the OW. Now that's out of the way the man I'm seeing fell into a relationship with me because his marriage was 'all but over' however as the weeks went on he would then be going on a weekend away with his wife 'just to see friends' or talking about his Christmas plans. At the weekend I said look you want me and you told me it was over so leave or we are done. He comes back saying he's blown everything up told his wife he doesn't love her and can't stand being with her- she was apparently seeing a solicitor the next day and he finding someone to stay. Fast forward a few days and he says things are 'strained' but he's still there. I trick him by saying oh how awkward bet you're looking forward to Christmas expecting him to say he won't be there then. His reply 'oh it will be a quiet one etc'
I know I'm a fool and a terrible person but I feel so utterly humiliated

OP’s posts: |
GlitterSquid Thu 28-Oct-21 14:08:08

The only control you have over this now is to walk away and mean it.

If you must, tell him to come and find you when he's sorted his shit out. If he does, the proof is in the pudding.

PissyMum Thu 28-Oct-21 14:10:38

Just leave him. He’s made it clear that he’s not going to leave his wife.

ElleGettingBetter Thu 28-Oct-21 14:11:37

A married man wanting his cake and eating it too, who would have thought it? It’s like they all have a script.

Walk away, he won’t leave her.

0DAAT Thu 28-Oct-21 14:11:47

You've made a mistake. Learn and move on.
What is 'all but over'? It ain't over.

MistyFrequencies Thu 28-Oct-21 14:12:26

Get some self respect. He's never leaving her. He's going to string you along as long as you let him. Don't let him. Leave, and mean it.

Bluebells34 Thu 28-Oct-21 14:13:11

Sounds like he has no intention of leaving his wife and continues making false promises to you. It is cruel to both you and his poor suffering wife. Move on with someone that is single and no complications, lies and deceipt

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WheelieBinPrincess Thu 28-Oct-21 14:14:09

If she kicks him out, he will lie and say he’s left her for you.

If that’s a set up you’re happy with, keep seeing him.

Whatinthelord Thu 28-Oct-21 14:15:10

You need to just cut ties and walk away.
Based on what you’ve written I don’t believe for a second you’re getting a truthful story from him.

foolbutwilling Thu 28-Oct-21 14:17:17

Whatinthelord

You need to just cut ties and walk away.
Based on what you’ve written I don’t believe for a second you’re getting a truthful story from him.


It just hurts beyond al belief someone you love just really doesn't have those feelings for you.

OP’s posts: |
tiggerwhocamefortea Thu 28-Oct-21 14:19:43

It just hurts beyond al belief someone you love just really doesn't have those feelings for you.

Yes...imagine how his wife feels

candycane222 Thu 28-Oct-21 14:21:13

Yeah, he just wants to keep shagging you and says whatever he thinks you need to hear so he can carry on.

Doubtless this feelss very shit for you. I assume you were very naive at the start. You aren't now.

A man willing to lie to his wife,will have no compunction at all when it comes to lying to his mistress. Lesson learned, onwards and upwards.

SoupDragon Thu 28-Oct-21 14:22:10

It just hurts beyond al belief someone you love just really doesn't have those feelings for you.

Awwww... how awful for you. 🙄

You have no idea what "hurts beyond all belief" means.

MothershipG Thu 28-Oct-21 14:22:47

You feel humiliated because he lied to you.
His wife feels humiliated because he was unfaithful to her.

He sounds like a real prize.

Cut your losses and give yourself time to grieve & think about why your self-esteem is so low.

CailleachO Thu 28-Oct-21 14:22:50

You aren't the first and you won't be the last. The man you thought you loved doesn't really exist. It was all an act. Look at his actual behaviour. Look at how he's willing to play with two women's lives. He's not a nice man at all. Upward and onward OP.

Glassofshloer Thu 28-Oct-21 14:24:30

🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m not judging you for the way you’ve behaved, but surely the logic of the situation tells you it shouldn’t be surprising that he doesn’t keep his word and cares nothing for those he claims to love?

Move on & keep your dignity.

Whatinthelord Thu 28-Oct-21 14:26:05

“It just hurts beyond al belief someone you love just really doesn't have those feelings for you.”

Yes heartbreak is a shitter. It never feels nice being used and let down.
Dragging it out longer will only prolong the pain for all involved though. Get yourself out now and start moving on from him. Sounds like you know he’s not trustworthy.

Bookworm20 Thu 28-Oct-21 14:26:09

If she kicks him out, he will lie and say he’s left her for you

If that’s a set up you’re happy with, keep seeing him.

This

And I don't believe for one second he has now actually told his wife. If he had, he wouldn't still be there would he?

You say you know you are a terrible person and yet you are still with him.

You also say you have low self esteem. Sorry about that. But does that give you the right to completely destroy another womans life?
I had very low self esteem at one point, but I didn't go around fucking other peoples husbands.

FetchezLaVache Thu 28-Oct-21 14:27:02

The only possible decent outcome for you is to walk away without another word.

You don't live with him, you don't have kids with him, you (presumably) haven't met each other's parents and friends, you have no shared major life events. You've probably only spent the full night together a handful of times. All you're walking away from is lies and sordidness.

At the moment you're just a fool. If you continue in this 'relationship' knowing what you now know, you're an absolute idiot.

Bluebells34 Thu 28-Oct-21 14:27:27

You are / were his mistress - it was exciting for him and secretive - I can assure you if you did 'get together' with him the relationship would be very different. And you will always have that horrid doubt he has found another mistress to fulfil his needs

Justcannotbearsed Thu 28-Oct-21 14:27:39

Yep, move on. He'll have someone new next year hearing the same sob stories. He's getting everything he wants at home and you as a bit on the side. If you are fine with that - great. If not, just move on.

LadyLuLou Thu 28-Oct-21 14:29:04

He probably hasn't really told her. Nothing has changed for him.

For you, you know now he doesn't love you and didn't mean a word of what he said to you.

Your move.

Pick up your self esteem and don't be someone's sloppy seconds. Walk away and work on yourself.

SleepingBunnies21 Thu 28-Oct-21 14:29:07

"I'm probably not going to leave but I'm bored and am well through the honeymoon/spark part of the relationship so I fancy some on the side, and you seem naive, vulnerable and low boundaried enough to get involved"

..... said no cheating man ever.

SleepingBunnies21 Thu 28-Oct-21 14:30:02

Yeah I wonder if he even told her as well.

PatsyJStone Thu 28-Oct-21 14:31:51

He’s definitely not ready to leave, you really have to be strong and completely cut ties. Ignore any promises for the future. Unless he presents himself completely out of the relationship, in his own new home, then tell him to stay away from you. Whatever you do don’t invite him to your home to stay as it will be easier for him to leave you and go back to his wife. If he’s committed to leaving his marriage he will find a new home and commit to all the outgoings required.
He’s no love of your life because he’s not treating you like you are his.
You’ve wasted your time. Sadly you’ve discovered he’s a liar and a cheat, he’s no prize. The risk you take being the OW.

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