To have no joy in my life

[thinkthinkagain]

I have three kids (two under three) partner works away a lot, living in the UK that's not my home country nor partners. I'm stuck here due to my eldest and his dad saying we can't leave. I'm on mat leave and due to go back to work November. Partner doesn't listen, feels like no one cares and feel practically invisible in this world of mine. I really hate my life and the jail I'm living in. Cook, feed, clean, school drop/pick, cook, bed time, chores, sleep, repeat. When partner comes back we barely talk these days and I feel very emotionally unsupported by him. I've told him this previously but he doesn't listen so now I just keep my head down. We're all meant to be away for half term to partner's country with me travelling with baby and eldest, he said he will go earlier with middle child. But last night I said what's the point of me going, he then said don't bother coming then. He said he would take two younger kids. I haven't made up my mind for certain if I will stay or go. But either way I feel so rubbish at how my life is. I must walk around with a permanent frown on my face 🙁 Not even sure of the point of my post but feel so unhappy and really not seeing the point in my life

[coffeeisthebest]

That sounds really miserable. Do you work? What could you do to inject some life into your day in the short term before you make longer term decisions? I feel stifled reading what you write, your kids are living this life with you so any choices you make will directly impact them. What do you feel like you need?

[JovialNickname]

I am so sorry you are so unhappy. You matter too and I am sorry you feel so bad

It sounds terrible, but I think it's important to remember that you have choices. You could leave,and leave him with all the children. That is a choice you have. If you don't want to do that, it's because you're choosing that option. Sometimes it feels better to know we are choosing the path in life we are on and that it is not something that is inflicted on us x

[JovialNickname]

And you matter to us, the random people on mumsnet care about you xx

[Lana07]

I started learning about happiness in life 10 years ago and can make myself happy now.

1. We plan trips, holidays, events. Something to look forward to.
   
   
   
2. I have hobbies. Fitness & Family and Relations Psychology
   
   
   
3. I have life goals - short term, upt o 1year, middle up to 3-5 years, and long term up to 10 years
   
   
   www.youtube.com/results?search_query=how+to+start+feeling+happy+again

[Lana07]

I set clear goals in my PIES

physical
intellectual
emotional
spiritual

development and work on becoming the best version of myself.

[CousinKrispy]

I'm so sorry, OP. Two kids under three is exhausting and so isolating if you don't have your own friends and family nearby! I am an immigrant to the UK too and it can be so lonely. Do you have time for making friends locally at all?

I know mental health services are really stretched right now, but have you spoken with your GP about possible depression? Would you be able to pay for private counselling sessions to have someone to talk to about what your goals are and how to get yourself feeling better?

Do you think you'll feel at all better when you go back to work?

Sorry I'm peppering you with questions! I know when you feel so overwhelmed it's all just too much. It sounds like you need a break so badly.

[thinkthinkagain]

Thanks for all your supportive comments. I really was never such a miserable sounding person but I feel so worn down by life... I will look up the goals. My family are all in Australia and covid has not helped. No idea when I can visit, nor family visit. But regardless of that I generally don't like my life how it is. Yes I have friends but don't want to burden them with my troubles. My partner is so emotionally unattached and I just go through the motions. God it's depressing as hell.

[Ledition]

That sounds so tough OP, particularly when you're from Australia as it's not somewhere you can just pop over to for a weekend of respite. How old is your eldest?

If your relationship is not loving and supportive no amount of working on your personal happiness will work IME as the fundamental problem remains. Would some sort of couples counselling work? Does your partner understand the issues in the relationship, will he work with you to try and revive things, take some steps to make things better? If not, then would a break/separation be an option to see if you were happier on your own with the DC? Although considering your DC are so little it's probably best to hold off on that as single parenting two under three is brutal.

sorry your having such a rough time

[Seaoftroubles]

OP, this all sounds exhausting and draining, do you have any support at all? What is your partners home country and how do you feel about him taking all 3 of your children away on his own? Would he be able to cope if he is not very hands on? I agree a chat with your G. P sounds like a good idea but also you could do with some real life support/ interaction and also possibly some couples counselling so that your partner can learn to listen to your feelings and how to communicate better.