Wedding is off hand hold please

(244 Posts)
emarlow Mon 18-Oct-21 09:00:53

We were due to get married in 2 months time I am currently 4 months pregnant aswell. I was really looking forward to it.

Me and OH got into a disagreement the other day and he went to cool off at his parents house before coming back. When he went over there he told his mum that he doesn't want to marry me now and believes that it's the wrong thing to do to go ahead with the marriage.

We have 3 DC's together I can not imagine my life without him.

For me I feel like this is the end of the road, we have always stuck together their has been many ups and downs but I love him so much.

He said he wants to be with me but not marry me yet. I don't see the point in me hanging on to him, he can quite happily have kids with
me but doesn't want to marry me.

The kids have gone to school and I just keep crying, I have told him to just pack his things and leave I feel so humiliated.

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emarlow Mon 18-Oct-21 09:03:35

I meant 2 DC's one on the way.

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Rainbowqueeen Mon 18-Oct-21 09:08:22

Handhold OP. What a shock for you
Has he given any reason for not wanting to be married?
Please reach out for RL support

OverweightPidgeon Mon 18-Oct-21 09:09:48

Oh god you poor thing x

girlmom21 Mon 18-Oct-21 09:09:59

If you're on your third child together you know whether or not you want to marry someone.

It sounds like he wanted an excuse to get out of the wedding.

You're worth more than that thanks

Aderyn21 Mon 18-Oct-21 09:15:08

I'm so sorry OP. If he means it and isn't just being a dickhead because he's in the middle of a row then this is the sort of thing you can't really come back from imo. You can't go back to living together as if it had never happened and he's being a right idiot of he thinks you will just accept that!
If he was mine is make him collect his stuff and go live at his mum's.
How are things financially? Am really hoping you aren't a sahp.

JudgementalCactus Mon 18-Oct-21 09:16:32

Oh God, that must be so heartbreaking and humiliating! Time to accept that he never intends to marry you and figure out if you can live with that. I couldn't. And stop having babies with him. You're just getting deeper and deeper in your commitment to him while he's keeping you at arm's length and refusing to give you any legal protection as partner and mother to his children. I would find that unacceptable.


2lsinllama Mon 18-Oct-21 09:16:39

Only you know him well enough to know if this is a serious break up or a case of pre wedding nerves.
I definitely think you could do with some sort of support as a couple. I’m not sure if marriage guidance type places are doing face to face appointments yet but you could Google what is available in your area. If you are getting married in Church then you could ask to speak to the member of Clergy who is performing the ceremony (they deal with this way more often than you’d think).
Do you also have a trusted friend/family member who you can speak to? You need support to work out what you want from this relationship and online strangers, however we’ll meaning, don’t always know the full story.
Sending positive thoughts your way 🌺

Ylvamoon Mon 18-Oct-21 09:21:35

To be honest a lot will depend on what the argument was about.
If it was about some serious underlying issues then you are better out of the relationship as it will come up again and again.
If its pregnancy hormones and trivial, you both need to cool off and have a serious chat about how your future should look.

emarlow Mon 18-Oct-21 09:23:41

Gosh I am blubbering reading everyone's messages thank you I am a mess right now.

He thought he would come back and tell me that and everything would be fine. I don't care whether it's nerves or not now he has spoke to his mum who will then speak to everyone else it's humiliating. I could never go through with the wedding now regardless. Plus I wouldn't want to marry someone that doesn't want to marry me anyway.

My whole life is now about to change I don't know what to do I even thought about having an abortion but it's flipping cruel. I don't know how I will manage on my own.

I'm due to go back to work on the 1st I haven't been well so have been off on the sick.

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emarlow Mon 18-Oct-21 09:25:43

Also he never really had a reason just think it's not the right timing.

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JudgementalCactus Mon 18-Oct-21 09:27:13


Also he never really had a reason just think it's not the right timing.

Fuck him! The right time to marry the woman you live is before she gives you babies!

JudgementalCactus Mon 18-Oct-21 09:27:25


Maxiedog123 Mon 18-Oct-21 09:27:46

Well if isn't the right time now when you've Got 2 kids when will it be?

Rainbowqueeen Mon 18-Oct-21 09:28:09

What a horrible man.
I would get him to leave while you take some time to think.

Aprilx Mon 18-Oct-21 09:29:21

I am snorting with derision at the not wanting to marry you yet when you have two children together and another on the way.

Yes it is humiliating that he has told his mother and who knows else this. But you have told him to back his bags, so you have shown your self respect. Stick to it.

DuvetDayIsEveryDay Mon 18-Oct-21 09:30:13

Such a massive shock for you OP flowers. Have a massive cry and then get your head straight, you have some decisions to make.

urbanbuddha Mon 18-Oct-21 09:31:27

we have always stuck together their has been many ups and downs but I love him so much.

If you still love him and he loves you then surely it's worth trying to work something out? If marriage is a deal-breaker for you tell him that. Ignore the fact that he's told his mum - that's just hurt pride on your part.
I do think you're over-reacting a bit.

Mumski45 Mon 18-Oct-21 09:31:47

I just don't understand men with the mentality that they are ready to have kids with someone and all the lifelong commitment that this brings yet they are not able to commit to a marriage. Is it the financial commitment which stops them? What exactly is he 'not ready for'.

You are worth more than this OP.

OverweightPidgeon Mon 18-Oct-21 09:34:09

I’d ask him for the exact reason why he doesn’t want to marry you- saying he just doesn’t want to get married isn’t good enough.

Yellow85 Mon 18-Oct-21 09:35:52

Oh how awful. But I think you are right, I’m not sure ‘I love you, but not enough to commit to marriage’ would be enough for me.

emarlow Mon 18-Oct-21 09:41:31

He has done the school run but hasn't come back I asked him to leave last night and he refused he said he would go this morning and now he is dragging his feet.

He wants to just stay here and carry on as normal but without the marriage I refuse to do it.

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Outfoxedbyrabbits Mon 18-Oct-21 09:55:54

He said he wants to be with me but not marry me yet.

I would be incandescent with rage at this bit. Not YET!? With a THIRD baby on the way?? What a monumental arse he is. You deserve much, much better than this.

emarlow Mon 18-Oct-21 10:06:46

I think that's what hurts the most, I need to pull myself together. He is leaving now and I need to get DD at 12 I just can't stop crying.

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timeisnotaline Mon 18-Oct-21 10:13:10

I do think you are showing self respect by this. He really thought you would just take whatever crumbs he gives. Maybe because you’re pregnant and unwell, which makes it even more scummy. His mum is pretty horrible, who tells her son that when he has a family?

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