Where to find friends aged 50-60?

(112 Posts)
OverTheHill50 Thu 14-Oct-21 12:43:19

OK, they don't have to be exactly 50-60, but I mean my age group (55) and stage of life.

My youngest has gone to uni and DH and I are rattling around. Although we've lived in the same town over 20 years I suddenly feel really lonely and lacking in friends! I've realised how much of our social life revolved around the DC's school and events/ concerts/ other parents etc.
Covid has kiboshed a lot of those friendships/ relationships with hardly anyone socialising over the last 18 months.

I have good friends dotted around up to an hour away, but seeing them always requires advance organisation and planning.

I already do a few hobby things - a music group, book group and an ad hoc walking group, but it seems that most of the people in these are older than me (65+) and although lovely, haven't developed into strong friendships/connections.

Where are all the other 55 year olds? What are they doing?
Are they working and caring for elderly parents with no time for socialising?
I'm not working and sadly lost my remaining parent years ago, so I wonder if perhaps I have more time than others of my age? I don't have any other family except a sibling I don't see much 400 miles away.

OP’s posts: |
OverTheHill50 Thu 14-Oct-21 12:43:49

I just want local friends to chat with, have coffee with, go places/shopping etc but I don't know how and where to find them!

I don't think it's me - I like to think I'm a kind and friendly person. Whenever I organise meet ups and get together with people they come and seem to have a nice time, but they never seem to organise anything or invite me in return.

I sometimes feel as if I value friendships more than others as I don't have family around. One friend I used to go running with every weekend just suddenly cancelled it going forwards because she has to go to the dog trainer. Another friend will meet me outdoors, but still won't have anyone back to her house as she is visiting her elderly father every week.

OP’s posts: |
MrsPnut Thu 14-Oct-21 12:47:46

Do you have an active U3a near you? Or what is the WI like?

We have a very mixed age WI here as well as the more stereotypical version.

OverTheHill50 Thu 14-Oct-21 12:50:31

MrsPnut

Do you have an active U3a near you? Or what is the WI like?

We have a very mixed age WI here as well as the more stereotypical version.

I've looked at those things and they all seem to attract people much older than me - genuinely retired, 65+ people, who are talking about pensions and grandchildren!

OP’s posts: |
Crikeyalmighty Thu 14-Oct-21 12:52:44

@OverTheHill50. I was in same position and started going to ‘meet ups’ one lovely friend from there led to 3 more lovely friends— they are all younger (37 to 42) but I am a young 59 and it didn’t matter. Only 1 has a child — as you say it’s just the odd coffee here and there and naybexa get together every 4 or 5 weeks but it makes a difference— we are abroad now for a while (been there a year) and I do miss them but lots of WhatsApp’s etc

Embracelife Thu 14-Oct-21 12:54:21

Community choir
Ramblers or nordic walking
Volunteering

RedskyThisNight Thu 14-Oct-21 12:57:55

I'm a bit younger than you OP (50) but I'm finding the same things. There are U3A type activities or those that attract those who are 65+ or a lot of the more active sports based clubs or meetup type clubs attact younger people (up to about 35). The people are all lovely but just at a different life stage to me, so find less in common with them.

I've found there are less opportunities available since Covid and also that more people want to focus on core family and friends rather than meet new people.

So would love to know how to meet new people too! It strikes me that more people are now working from home and looking for a social life outside of work whereas they previously socialised with work colleagues ... but where are these people!?

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VanCleefArpels Thu 14-Oct-21 13:02:38

I’m told Bumble has a platonic friends option?

If you are brave why not post on your local Facebook page - arrange a date at a coffee shop and see who turns up? Volunteering might also be a good way to get yourself out and about. I’ve found taking up a sport very good at finding people at the same stage (similar to yours) but in reality most women in their 50’s do work. I’m often the youngest in the group but that’s not necessarily a barrier to having fun and speaking to interesting people

Sloth66 Thu 14-Oct-21 13:02:47

We went to a rambling group, the people there were lovely, but most were 15 + years older than me and the pace was very slow, and not what I was ready for ready.
maybe women are just working longer and not around as much?

OverTheHill50 Thu 14-Oct-21 13:52:51

@Crikeyalmighty - were these events listed on Meetup.com?

I've joined a couple of groups on Facebook but non of the events really appeal to me. There seem to be a lot of meet ups in Toby Caveries!

OP’s posts: |
VanCleefArpels Thu 14-Oct-21 13:55:10

@OverTheHill50 they might be quite nice people even if the surroundings are not your bag?! Give it a go, be brave, discard your misgivings….

VanCleefArpels Thu 14-Oct-21 13:56:56

I’d also dig out those old class lists/WhatsApp groups and suggest a coffee with the old school crowd - maybe to compare notes on your kids’ Uni experiences?

LizziesTwin Thu 14-Oct-21 14:01:02

Park Run? You could either take part or volunteer to be the Tail Walker or one of the other positions if you don’t feel like running or walking 5k on a Saturday morning.

Indoor climbing? All ages. Cinnamon Trust volunteer? You walk someone else’s dog while they are incapacitated.

partystress Thu 14-Oct-21 14:01:11

Is there a Love Her Wild group in your area? I’ve done a few walks and at 60 have usually been the oldest by quite a margin.

EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues Thu 14-Oct-21 14:15:38

Where are all the other 55 year olds? What are they doing?

Let me help you with that …

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mature_students

Brand new board ‘Mature Study and Retraining’. Plenty of late middle age re-starters! You’re welcome …

In all seriousness, throwing oneself into a new intellectual challenge, in company / competition with people half your age, and with a goal at the end, could be the best thing anyone does over 50. New friends, new colleagues, new community - and the impetus to fulfil untapped potential. Also more fun than you could possibly imagine.

Elefant1 Thu 14-Oct-21 14:43:49

Where are all the other 55 year olds?
I the case of my friends around that age, in the local pub, that's where I first met them and where we still meet 😁
If you run, what about joining a running group, there will usually be a wide range of ages and abilities.

JustThisLastLittleBit Thu 14-Oct-21 14:44:00

Why not just get a job OP?

NotJustACigar Thu 14-Oct-21 14:55:35

I've met one friend in a dog walking group, one in a book club, one in a wild swimming group, and one on here who happened to be local to me. I think it's a numbers game and you do have to put yourself out there. I'm 49.

Newgirls Thu 14-Oct-21 15:00:40

What about a new job? Or a uni course? Something that gives you a real connection to people?

OverTheHill50 Thu 14-Oct-21 15:18:40

Thanks, some great ideas!

Volunteering (and running) at Park Run is a good idea - I'd forgotten about that and didn't know they were back on!
I did join a running group for a while but it was very competitive and all aimed at getting you to the next level/ 10k/ half marathon. I did a half marathon in my 30s and don't want to go back to that level - just wanted to regularly run 5-6k with like-minded individuals!

I do a bit of very part-time work for DH and volunteer for the music group by running their social media, but neither of those get me out meeting people really.

@EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues I've done OU courses over the last few years and in fact applied and got a place for an MA this October for a uni about 30 mins away. That was my 'grand plan' for meeting people! However it turned out that the course was going to be mostly run online/ with 'hybrid learning' this year so I've postponed it until next year as I really wanted to be on campus.

OP’s posts: |
Insert1x20p Thu 14-Oct-21 15:25:19

Advertise! Not U.K. but my sister advertised on fb for people over 40 who just want to meet new people- not for dating etc. Didn’t expect much. Over 100 people replied. Now she’s organising monthly meet ups.

Twilightstarbright Thu 14-Oct-21 15:43:18

What about a course of some sort? I did an introduction to dressmaking on a weekday morning and it was women 35-55.

Myyearmytime Thu 14-Oct-21 15:46:47

Meet up app
Have look at what is about ?
Excise classes try a free ones and see which floats your boat

Crikeyalmighty Thu 14-Oct-21 15:48:50

@OverTheHill50. I went to a couple that were 40-65 ‘meet ups’. If you can’t find one - set one up yourself and market it. Maybe call it ‘ wine and chat’ or something similar — the other one was called ‘foxy mums’ orcsomething similar!! Thing I found though was I only needed to meet a couple and we then met the few people that they knew too.

BertiesShoes Thu 14-Oct-21 15:53:45

Where do you live Op? Not exactly, but maybe the county, nearest town/city, there maybe someone on here in a similar position.

I was on the Woman and Home forum (now closed) a few years ago, and made a friend via the local section of that. She is 9 yrs older than me (58/67) but we get on well and meet regularly for a walk and some lunch.

I have just retired and joined a local walking group, so hoping that I may make a friend or 2 there, and hoping to join a women’s couch to 5k group in next few weeks. Like you, I used to run regularly and just want to get back to doing a few miles.

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