Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Did I do the right thing?

15 replies

bioandme · 14/10/2021 09:54

A few weeks ago I split up with my partner. We'd only been together for a year but something didn't feel quite right. I feel for him, but I don't love him like you see in movies. I think I just got a bit bored.

I think I've made a massive mistake. Whilst things weren't perfect, I've realised how good he was. He was devastated and decided to go no contact.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to settle down. But I've realised that he was genuinely such a good guy. He was my best friend and I miss him immensely. I haven't been that close to someone for years, and we had a great sex life. But I've hurt him, and pushed him away, despite him being in love with me.

OP posts:

Report

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/10/2021 09:58

but I don't love him like you see in movies

Really?! Look, the relationships you see in movies bear as much resemblance to reality as Need For Speed does to me driving to the Asda carpark.

Was this your first serious relationship?

bioandme · 14/10/2021 10:31

I get that, I really do. But I always felt something was missing. There were moments when I felt the spark but I think I deserve more.

No it wasn't. This was my fourth boyfriend. None have compared to my first.

OP posts:

litterbird · 14/10/2021 10:48

Something was obviously wrong for you, you acted on your gut feeling and now you have a common feeling of dumpers regret. This will pass and once you have space for a while you will realise it was the best thing. He is now deeply hurt and needs time to recover from the failed relationship. He did the best thing and go NC with you. Leave him alone to process everything. One more thing, I am afraid you will never find a Disney relationship as you see in the movies....they only exist in the cinema.

bioandme · 14/10/2021 14:56

I really want to see him though. Maybe just to hang out and be friends.

OP posts:

tickertock · 14/10/2021 15:06

You could reach out to him, test the waters and see how he is, maybe he'll give you another chance but don't get in touch and ask to be just friends that is cruel.
Know definitely what you want to do first but be prepared in case he doesn't want a reconciliation.

ftw163532 · 14/10/2021 15:14

This just sounds like the bargaining part of grief.

You ended things because it wasn't right and now you're re-writing history and scrambling to rewind so that you don't have to have these feelings.

Although I do agree that using films as a model for how to live is a terrible strategy unless you want to lead a wildly dysfunctional life.

You wouldn't try and model your life on Paw Patrol so don't try and model it on bullshit romcoms either.

notacooldad · 14/10/2021 15:18

If you had only been together for about a year why was he your best friend?

What wasn't right about your relationship?
Are you looking back at with the rose tinted glasses on?

Shitapillar · 14/10/2021 15:22

@bioandme

I really want to see him though. Maybe just to hang out and be friends.

Don't be so bloody selfish. He's gone no contact because he needs to grieve for the loss of what he thought was his future and for someone he loves. Let him get on. You felt something was missing and you did something about it. Don't get buyers regret, other people's feelings are at play here. It's not a game where you can dither, it's real life.

litterbird · 14/10/2021 15:27

@bioandme

I really want to see him though. Maybe just to hang out and be friends.

Don’t….he has gone NC for a reason, he doesn’t want to see you so he can get over you. You are just going through the phases of a break up. This will pass as I said before. Leave him be for now. If he has feelings for you and wants to see you let him contact you.

kwarantina · 14/10/2021 23:28

Either leave him go or love him.

JustKittenAround · 15/10/2021 00:58

Explain how he has gone no contact. Has he just not replied to you or has he said so?

JustKittenAround · 15/10/2021 01:00

PS If he has any self respect he won’t hang out or be friends if he wanted more. That cruel.

No contact will put things into perspective for him. He will be able to discover himself again, maybe have some fun with other girls… maybe not.

Spend this time working on yourself. Because he will not be sitting and waiting like people do on the movies

MsDogLady · 15/10/2021 01:44

Stop being so self-serving. He is devastated and grieving, so why would you rub his nose in it by suggesting a platonic friendship? Have some empathy and respect his wishes. ‘Hanging out’ would be totally untenable for him.

kwarantina · 15/10/2021 10:31

I agree. Why would he want to be friends with you? Or why would you want to be friends with him?

Are you certain you wanted to break up with him? or do you just think the grass is greener on the other side?

ValerieCupcake · 15/10/2021 10:36

I feel for him, but I don't love him like you see in movies.

No hang on until you feel you have a relationship like Chloe and Papi in Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Then you will have found the right chap.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.