Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

[BelladiMamma]

Very dog eared screen shot of the rules.

If anyone has a better version, please post here.

[BelladiMamma]

From the previous thread: @Naimee87 so pleased to hear that the a*s@hole otherwise known as Elf n Safety is out of your hair. He was making my piss boil!!

@Eesha that's all good that you have a FB but I agree how frustrating that you don't have more of a rapport. Maybe guys think it puts you in relationship territory once you have regular comms? Or they don't want regular comms so don't want a relationship? A lot of men seem to be very self sufficient in that way. Even MrItaly who is clearly in quite a bad place will go for days without being in touch.

My date zero is with a woman today. I am nervous and also haven't asked her much about herself because she says she doesn't like to communicate on text. I am seriously hoping that she's for real. We are meeting for an hour at a pub near my DD's evening club. Realised that I've double booked with my Pilates which has pissed me off now!! But that's my look out, not her's. I'm nervous because her WhatsApp profile pic and her Feeld pics look quite different.

Going to scurry off and do a roll call of the irons to post in a few ...

[Naimee87]

Thanks @BelladiMamma! silence from him for the last two weeks. So fingers crossed this is it now. Oddly i do still feel bad which is so strange given how many red flags there were right from the off. Just show's how easy it is to get swept up into something when the other person is a master of manipulation. He's taught me though never to ignore even 'amber' flags' and also never be too 'needy' as it's such a turn-off. I'm thinking back to how i must have been with magnet-man which is so embarassing, i was so available for him and so in-need of reassurance all the time! Having been on the receiving end of these types of behaviours i now know (or should know) i need to have way more self-respect and confidence. And if someone is cooling off, let them as it's clearly not meant to be. If someone wants you, they will let you know and if they change their mind you'll be confused and best thing to do is leave them to it and walk away. (Such wise words if only it were that easy to follow them)

[BelladiMamma]

@Naimee87

Thanks *@BelladiMamma*! silence from him for the last two weeks. So fingers crossed this is it now. Oddly i do still feel bad which is so strange given how many red flags there were right from the off. Just show's how easy it is to get swept up into something when the other person is a master of manipulation. He's taught me though never to ignore even 'amber' flags' and also never be too 'needy' as it's such a turn-off. I'm thinking back to how i must have been with magnet-man which is so embarassing, i was so available for him and so in-need of reassurance all the time! Having been on the receiving end of these types of behaviours i now know (or should know) i need to have way more self-respect and confidence. And if someone is cooling off, let them as it's clearly not meant to be. If someone wants you, they will let you know and if they change their mind you'll be confused and best thing to do is leave them to it and walk away. (Such wise words if only it were that easy to follow them)

Wow well that is one whole heap Of wisdom right there that I could certainly learn from ❤️

And the guilt thing, it's cos you're a nice person with a conscience. I've been watching Maid on Netflix and it makes me think of my relationship with my ex so much, all the things the boyfriend says. It's a really good portrayal of a toxic and manipulative relationship with all its nuances, why you feel for this person, why you keep in the relationship. A lot of it is about your tolerance and your desire to do right by people. Sadly that's what other people can see in you and instead of valuing you they take advantage of ❤️

[Naimee87]

Yes i did really learn a lot but whether or not i can put it into practice is another story. But i've said i'm taking a dating break but open to the idea of a FWB as i need to protect my DS from getting involved. He comes first and although the desire is still there to one day be a 'family unit' and find someone decent for us it's no longer my focus. How i managed to shift my foucs i'll never know but since i have i've calmed down a lot and managed to see so many positives to being single. Good luck with your date 0! What's your plan with her? Anything from MrActor... everytime i read MrItaly i think of magnet-man. I signed up to this 'italian' words of the day thing online and today's word was 'Carponi' which apparently is 'on all fours' hahaa! I usually send him the words really wonder what he'll make of this one.

[northernlight20]

so glad i found this site. new to old, and been on a couple of dates with mr walk. ended it and blocked him after date 2 yesterday. thanks to this site, i have set my boundaries and dont ignore gut instints. he only ever rang me when he was out 'walking', never seemed to be home. when i asked yesterday, he said it was because he lived in a house share with 3 others who are very noisey. when he rang me after being 'home', i could hear kids in the background, so, i ask him about the kids and he replied 'oh they kids who live round here playin in the street'. it didnt sit right with me, so, i did a bit of digging on sm and lo and behold, hes married with kids. so i ask him, he denies it and has asked me to reconsider as he loves me!! after only 2 dates! so hes blocked and im taking a break from old for a few weeks!

[BelladiMamma]

@northernlight20

so glad i found this site. new to old, and been on a couple of dates with mr walk. ended it and blocked him after date 2 yesterday. thanks to this site, i have set my boundaries and dont ignore gut instints. he only ever rang me when he was out 'walking', never seemed to be home. when i asked yesterday, he said it was because he lived in a house share with 3 others who are very noisey. when he rang me after being 'home', i could hear kids in the background, so, i ask him about the kids and he replied 'oh they kids who live round here playin in the street'. it didnt sit right with me, so, i did a bit of digging on sm and lo and behold, hes married with kids. so i ask him, he denies it and has asked me to reconsider as he loves me!! after only 2 dates! so hes blocked and im taking a break from old for a few weeks!

Jeez that's crap. That happened to me, not through OLD but a guy who asked me out on Instagram.
A very difficult few weeks followed, well done for dodging the bullet so quickly ❤️

[Shayelle2009]

@eesha hey sweet! Just in reply to you in the last thread. I’m pretty glad to be back in the office as it’s my main source of banter, jokes, purpose, etc as living alone and in a town where I know noone. Have you been going into yours? It’s a shame you didn't feel any longer connection with Retro but at least you’re getting out there and he sounds like a decent guy. Something to pass the time 😬 and hang out with if you’re bored!

[Shayelle2009]

@isitreally my cat was quite morose this morning! Not sure why. I think because she didn’t wake up when the alarm went off so we were a bit out of synch 😂

[Isitreallyme177]

Morning just checking in. No updates from me, all is quiet. Mr Cricket is working (the 4am appearance on WhatsApp gives it away lol) and I'm actually enjoying being busy at work. It's good he is working though as he didn't have many flights on his rota for October last week. I'm now looking forward to a quiet weekend.

[Isitreallyme177]

@Shayelle2009 aww bless her. mine jumps on me, when she didn't do it on Sunday I knew she was ill. Cats are such funny creatures though.

[hotdogsjumpingfrogs]

Hello again. Loving the wisdom on this thread.

Currently down to one iron, (Mr still living with ex wife) but still pining after Mr 'WhatsApp-ing bumble questions' who decided he wasn't feeling it...

Have paused Bumble as tired of getting no matches. Must move to London, it seems...

[BelladiMamma]

So my roll call .... in order of preference

MrActor: oh yes I am still obsessed. Managed not to respond to his very quick check in voice note last night. I'm going to sit on my hands for a couple of days. Two shows yesterday & press night tonight or v soon. He's still checking in regularly on Feeld so I am keeping my expectations in check. I've met him at a very particular time in his life, I'm well aware of the pitfalls and I'm just going to breathe through it

MrItaly: we will stay in touch and at least have a friendship. He needs to step up and organise something for us if he wants us to start up a sexual relationship. I'm not going to host here.

MrSardinia: moving into FWB shortly. Hopefully that will go well

MissGlory: meeting for date zero at pub tonight. Slight fear of this one as very little comms beforehand

MrTattoo: faded away as he didn't suggest or organise anything after our kiss and cuddle date a while back

A few other chats going but nothing really concrete

[BelladiMamma]

@hotdogsjumpingfrogs

Hello again. Loving the wisdom on this thread.

Currently down to one iron, (Mr still living with ex wife) but still pining after Mr 'WhatsApp-ing bumble questions' who decided he wasn't feeling it...

Have paused Bumble as tired of getting no matches. Must move to London, it seems...

Seriously thinking the same here!!

[BelladiMamma]

@Naimee87

Yes i did really learn a lot but whether or not i can put it into practice is another story. But i've said i'm taking a dating break but open to the idea of a FWB as i need to protect my DS from getting involved. He comes first and although the desire is still there to one day be a 'family unit' and find someone decent for us it's no longer my focus. How i managed to shift my foucs i'll never know but since i have i've calmed down a lot and managed to see so many positives to being single. Good luck with your date 0! What's your plan with her? Anything from MrActor... everytime i read MrItaly i think of magnet-man. I signed up to this 'italian' words of the day thing online and today's word was 'Carponi' which apparently is 'on all fours' hahaa! I usually send him the words really wonder what he'll make of this one.

MrItaly isn't Italian but he lives there two weeks on, two weeks here - at his parents. He has a place in London which he was going to move back into but he's decided not to. The logistics are really not going to work for us whilst nothing changes. He's really struggling with the divorce and I can see it's going to take him a while to get it sorted, plus he's really struggling with not seeing his son and whether or not his son is going to live in Italy or back here. He's a good person, we get on really well and he's got a good attitude to life despite these challenges. I was hoping that we'd be on a similar financial footing but it seems like we aren't. The only person I'm on a financial footing with is my ex 🤣 and that won't last long as he's going to continue making tons of money and I'm planning on having a much quieter life.

I had a real moment of clarity this morning as I cuddled my DD goodbye before school. I have 4 years of her still at home, in which this place is our sanctuary. No one else gets to take part unless they've earned the right to.

[Sugaspunsista]

So...i jumped back on the appsnd now have 4 irons
Mr Angel - potential date for next week
Mr Fire - wants to meet for a drink soon
Mr Extra - very ott already on whatsapp.. wants a dinnee date next week
Mr Nurse - good at chat... no dates mentioned yet

[Dazedandconfused10]

Morning all, my iron, let's call him Mr Tall did message last night. No mention of another date yet. I'm going to suggest it later, if he says no at least i know and that's that.

Feeling more positive today. Although if no date with Mr Tall I will take a few weeks off the apps, focus on me and try again.

[BelladiMamma]

@Sugaspunsista

So...i jumped back on the appsnd now have 4 irons
Mr Angel - potential date for next week
Mr Fire - wants to meet for a drink soon
Mr Extra - very ott already on whatsapp.. wants a dinnee date next week
Mr Nurse - good at chat... no dates mentioned yet

Whereabouts do you live and which apps do you use? That's a good little collection you've got going there ❤️

[Sugaspunsista]

@BelladiMamma one is from Hinge and the other 3 are from tinder
I forgot also have Mr Sailor ( from bumble) - wanting a dinner date when he's back from a work trip

I'm in the SE so can catch greater London too

[BelladiMamma]

[quote Sugaspunsista]@BelladiMamma one is from Hinge and the other 3 are from tinder
I forgot also have Mr Sailor ( from bumble) - wanting a dinner date when he's back from a work trip

I'm in the SE so can catch greater London too [/quote]
Likewise, it really makes a huge difference I think.

I'm really down on bumble, sure I got MrTattoo and MrItaly from there, but neither of them are really ready for a relationship and I also harvested the worst flakes I've ever met on there.

I'm sticking to Feeld because I want casual and there is no stigma on there? But it does mean I have 100's of applicants. So it requires a bit of work ...

[BelladiMamma]

@Dazedandconfused10

Morning all, my iron, let's call him Mr Tall did message last night. No mention of another date yet. I'm going to suggest it later, if he says no at least i know and that's that.

Feeling more positive today. Although if no date with Mr Tall I will take a few weeks off the apps, focus on me and try again.

Yes there's no harm in knowing. I so can't be arsed with games

[Dazedandconfused10]

I've been using bumble and hinge, neither are really working for me, I'm not sure what else is out there, tinder I guess?

[Eesha]

Found you all!

@Shayelle2009 glad you are back in and enjoying yourself. Xmas is a great time to be in the office. Looks like I'll be here another 8 months now, nothing too taxing but good money.

Mr Retro passes the time but I'm just not engaged with things at all and I miss utilising my brain in chat. He's a good guy and we enjoy 'hanging out' but that's just not enough for me, I definitely want much more from someone.

[Languidleopard]

Checking in Thanks for the new thread @BelladiMamma

I'm still off the apps and firmly in FWB territory with Mr Breadcrumbs. He's gone away for the week and so far we've had some civilised whatsapp exchanges and nice videos of the beautiful beach where he's staying and some sexting

I feel like for now I've made my bed with him so to speak, so let's hope I get to lie in it again! He doesn't get back to the UK until Monday so am hoping we get to meet up again the weekend after.

[SpringlikeBunk]

hello everyone thanks for new thread


@northernlight20

Welcome and good boundaries there!

It really is a shock to the system all these "nice guys" who aren't who they seem - that sense of "entitlement" to an affair or whatever is horrific!

but as you've done, block and detach asap is the best technique - not getting dragged into someone else's mess!