Is he interested or not that bothered?

(69 Posts)
Strawberrydessert Thu 14-Oct-21 07:44:06

I met a guy through a social hobby 2 weeks ago... really hit it off, great chemistry, laughing the whole evening etc..

- he text me immediately the next morning saying it was nice to meet me etc...

- we have text every day since then (90% initiated by him). We have had one phone call which was last Wednesday where we told eachother we "like" each other.... he said that he wanted to keep getting to know me, and didn't want to push anything... since then he has continued to text me every day but hasn't asked me to meet up! We have never hung out just the 2 of us.

- he is very flirty/playful and teases me a lot, so much so that it is confusing to me how he actually views me and if he likes me! I know boys would tease girls in school when they like them, but he is 32!

- we have seen eachother 5 times in a group setting for our hobby over the past few weeks, I feel like he isn't that interested to speak to me in a group setting...i can't tell if he is playing it cool, or just not bothered. But as soon as I leave, I will get home and see that he has text me saying it was nice to see me even though in person he just didn't seem that bothered about talking to me

- last Friday we almost kissed, he walked me to my car and he kinda went to kiss me, but I kind of pulled back because I don't want to kiss him when he hasn't asked me on a date... I really wanted to kiss him but I don't want to be used

- he never asks me any questions about myself, or questions in general! Although he messages me every day, they are just silly messages... I feel like he isn't interested in getting to know me on a deeper level. When I have tried to throw in conversation topics, he doesnt run with them. It makes me feel like I'm just there for him to flirt with

I know the simplest thing here is for me to just ask him out myself, but I feel resistant to that. So many people say that if a guy likes you, he will tell you and show you. I've chased guys before and it has never worked!! I'm not worried about him rejecting me, I'm worried that he will say yes, but I will feel like I like him more than he likes me and I don't want to get hurt or be used

What do you think?

OP’s posts: |
Sakurami Thu 14-Oct-21 07:51:22

How have you hit it off if the man isn't interested in getting to know you or spend time with you?

Raise your standards and don't settle for these dregs

Strawberrydessert Thu 14-Oct-21 08:08:12

Sakurami

How have you hit it off if the man isn't interested in getting to know you or spend time with you?

Raise your standards and don't settle for these dregs

Well it is confusing because he says things like "looking forward to seeing you"..."it was lovely to see you again"..."hopefully I will see you Friday for X"

He went away for the weekend and on Sunday he messaged saying should he "wave past" on his way and stop by for a hug... I just made a joke about it because I just didn't know what to say.
I feel like he does look forward to seeing me etc, but yeah there is no deeper conversation and it just feels a bit superficial. We clicked so well in person but if he wanted to take me out he would... eugh

OP’s posts: |
gannett Thu 14-Oct-21 08:26:11

Game-playing and second-guessing instead of properly communicating is tiring. Seems like that goes for both of you.

Arabelladrinkstea Thu 14-Oct-21 08:38:04

I’ve met a few guys like this, I think they just enjoy the flirt and the secrecy - that’s why he blanks you in front of others and doesn’t want a date because it’s the flirting and secret texts he’s enjoying as opposed to an actual relationship

Salayes Thu 14-Oct-21 08:41:34

It sounds rather immature on his part, making jokes and teasing you as well as acting cooler around other people. Reminds me of boys in school who like someone but play it cool around their mates. Some people do use ‘humour’ to cover insecurity or nerves but if the ‘humour’ is based on teasing it’s quite annoying and childish. The trying to kiss you thing before even asking you on a date also doesn’t sound promising - it’s not that it seems like he has ulterior motives or is not a good person but i’d be unhappy with the awkwardness and his approach.

Bottom line is he sounds like real hard work and he’s not even gone on a date with you yet. Personally i’d leave it there as the dating stage should be fun and easygoing, not have you confused and irritated so soon (or ever hopefully!!).

Sakurami Thu 14-Oct-21 08:42:32

Bit when he does see you he can't be arsed talking to you. And instead of having proper conversations he just talks nonsense. I repeat, how have you hit it off with someone who just throws a few meaningless compliments?

Honestly, forget him.

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Dacquoise Thu 14-Oct-21 08:47:13

It's impossible to have a proper relationship without making yourself vulnerable so if you want to know how this is going to pan out one of you needs to set up a date. Time to woman up and ask him. If you go on a date, see how it goes and take it from there. He does not to take an interest in you as a person though. No intimacy without the intimacy of opening up about yourselves!

TheChip Thu 14-Oct-21 08:47:47

It doesn't sound like you've hit it off at all. More so you've found someone who wants someone to have meaningless text conversations with.

If he is making no effort in getting to know you, then I'd just move on. Are you trying to get to know him, or are you also just joining in with the meaningless texts?

thedevilinablackdress Thu 14-Oct-21 08:52:20

Ask him out. Maybe he's shy. I have no patience so I do the asking if necessary.

Aprilx Thu 14-Oct-21 08:55:36

The first few sentences I thought sounded reasonably promising but as you went on, no this sounds incredibly tedious. And you definitely haven’t hit it off, if you had you wouldn’t need the thread.

I don’t really know what his game is, but I would do one of two things now, either stop engaging with him or ask him outright what he wants.

Poppins88 Thu 14-Oct-21 08:55:48

I would say he's not really interested. Men tend to pursue women they really like (even the shy ones) partly because that's their nature and partly because they don't want to run the risk of someone else snapping you up. I honestly wouldn't recommend asking him out, even if he says yes you'll always wonder whether he would have asked you out on his own and it will set a dynamic that's difficult to get out of. Much better to wait for a man who at least has the balls to ask you out and show you he likes you properly. It's a good idea to remember this rule: if he likes you, you'll know, if he doesn't, you'll be confused.

Bluntness100 Thu 14-Oct-21 08:58:26

I think he knows you fancy him and is enjoying the ego boost.

TheFoundations Thu 14-Oct-21 09:00:24

I don't want to get hurt or be used

Then find someone who doesn't confuse you. You're posting on a forum to try to work out what he's thinking. Does that sound healthy to you?

With someone who's good for you, things will be clear or you'll be comfortable to ask. Starting with confusion will continue with confusion. Confusion makes you crazy. Is that what you want?

girlmom21 Thu 14-Oct-21 09:09:27

Why are you expecting him to ask you out? He's initiating all the contact. He probably doesn't want you to reject him.

Ask him out if you like him. Make a bit of an effort to communicate. Stop playing games.

Strawberrydessert Thu 14-Oct-21 09:17:30

I said to him once that he doesnt ask many questions etc, and he said that he didn't realise and took that on board...and yes I probably do just engage in the silly/flirty conversation back. We are probably just as bad as eachother.

OP’s posts: |
TheFoundations Thu 14-Oct-21 09:20:26

Strawberrydessert

I said to him once that he doesnt ask many questions etc, and he said that he didn't realise and took that on board...and yes I probably do just engage in the silly/flirty conversation back. We are probably just as bad as eachother.

With regard to him not asking questions; that's a part of him that you want him to change. Find somebody you like as they are.

DuchessOfDisaster Thu 14-Oct-21 09:28:26

thedevilinablackdress

Ask him out. Maybe he's shy. I have no patience so I do the asking if necessary.

He's childish, so I wouldn't even want anything to do with him. It's like twanging a bra strap in school.

gannett Thu 14-Oct-21 09:36:17

Men tend to pursue women they really like (even the shy ones) partly because that's their nature and partly because they don't want to run the risk of someone else snapping you up.

I don't really think this is true. I know too many men who've let passivity and shyness do a number on their opportunities - both romantic and professional. This "men tend to pursue what they want" line partly comes from gender stereotypes and partly because you don't really see the men who don't pursue you, do you?

mewkins Thu 14-Oct-21 09:37:37

I could be wrong but I don't get the impression he is very deep. Do you want a relationship of 'banter'?

Munchkinpumpkin Thu 14-Oct-21 09:41:22

He is just looking for sex IMO.. the hug thing and the trying to kiss you.. be wary of him!

Triffid1 Thu 14-Oct-21 09:46:12

The fact that he isn't at your side instantly when you do group activities is the red flag for me. I think he's got a girlfriend or wife and just enjoys a little light banter and flirting via text message.

You could try suggesting an actual date, sure, and certainly there's no reason why as the woman you can't do that, but personally, he doesn't sound like a great catch to me.

TheFoundations Thu 14-Oct-21 09:50:44

Poppins88

I would say he's not really interested. Men tend to pursue women they really like (even the shy ones) partly because that's their nature and partly because they don't want to run the risk of someone else snapping you up. I honestly wouldn't recommend asking him out, even if he says yes you'll always wonder whether he would have asked you out on his own and it will set a dynamic that's difficult to get out of. Much better to wait for a man who at least has the balls to ask you out and show you he likes you properly. It's a good idea to remember this rule: if he likes you, you'll know, if he doesn't, you'll be confused.

Wow. 1950 is alive and kicking.

Avarua Thu 14-Oct-21 09:52:50

Geez there is way too much cynicism and not enough romanticism in this thread. I think he likes you. He asked to "wave by and see you". That was his cack-handed way of trying to spend time with you. He seems unsure of himself in a group and doesn't want to crowd you. If you like him then just say "so are you going to ask me out on a proper date then, or what?". If he doesn't jump at that then at least you'll know.

honeylulu Thu 14-Oct-21 09:58:20

in person he just didn't seem that bothered about talking to me

It makes me feel like I'm just there for him to flirt with

These are the bits that stand out. He gets a thrill/ego boost from the flirting but he isn't really interested in "you" and he doesn't want anyone else to witnessthe flirting/liking you. He might be up for casual sex but I bet he'll want to keep that secret too so he can keep his options open.

He sounds vacuous and self absorbed to me. If that's not what you want, forget him.

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