I did a thing. Was it bad?

(505 Posts)
turnabouttime Wed 13-Oct-21 22:23:31

Okaaaaay so, I did something kind of big and I'm now watching the repercussions kind of feeling guilty, kind of not and honestly? Kind of fascinated. So I found out someone I knew was cheating on his gf. So I sent an anonymous letter to the gf outlining the betrayal. She's gone ballistic and dumped him. She is really upset. He has blamed the OW for blabbing. He is freaking out as he promotes himself as having very highly morals and never cheating. She and he are mid 20s. OW is early 30s. Was I evil?

OP’s posts: |
KaptainKaveman Wed 13-Oct-21 22:25:52

You sound like you enjoyed it OP.

Bluntness100 Wed 13-Oct-21 22:27:00

That’s really unpleasant of you.

Enjoy though, you do you.

IrishMel Wed 13-Oct-21 22:27:30

I personally would not do this. But everyone is different and no would not say you were evil but just a bit nosy and putting your nose in other people's business. But least the girlfriend knows now and hopefully she kicks him out.

HadaVerde Wed 13-Oct-21 22:27:32

Yep. Not your business and the way you went about it was underhand.

I agree it sounds as though you enjoyed it?

chocolatesaltyballs22 Wed 13-Oct-21 22:28:33

Well surely you did her a favour? But you seem to be enjoying the drama.

turnabouttime Wed 13-Oct-21 22:29:02

That's part of what is freaking me out. I am kind of enjoying it in a weird voyeuristic way. But I didn't go out to do this for pleasure. I thought it was the right thing to do. I'm friends with one of the women. Felt like I couldn't stand by and watch them being used. Thought it was worse to know and say nothing

OP’s posts: |


thistimelastweek Wed 13-Oct-21 22:29:18

Never ever say something you can't put your name to.

Zarene Wed 13-Oct-21 22:29:24

What a horrible thing to do.

Hattie765 Wed 13-Oct-21 22:29:45

What's your relationship to this trio? I'm intrigued, tell us more. You are awful but I too am now a bit fascinated 🤭

HadaVerde Wed 13-Oct-21 22:32:35

You’re friends with the ‘other woman’ aren’t you?

pumpkinpie01 Wed 13-Oct-21 22:32:41

I don't think your evil , why shouldn't she know her bf is being unfaithful, why should she carry on seeing him while he makes a fo out of her !?!

turnabouttime Wed 13-Oct-21 22:32:45

Ok so I am friends (not very close) to the OW and know of the gf. I felt really bad for gf and think he is a sly bastard. I ignored it and then genuinely felt like gf should know as I would want to know. But because I don't really know her I felt I couldn't go and tell her as she wouldn't believe me so I thought a tip off would be the way to go. I really did do this thinking it was the right thing to do. What is freaking me out is the fact that I am now fascinated by the whole unfolding drama. I did not expect to feel this

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turnabouttime Wed 13-Oct-21 22:33:22


You’re friends with the ‘other woman’ aren’t you?

How did you know!?

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SW1amp Wed 13-Oct-21 22:35:18

Good on you
I’d have done the same

You’ve done the gf a favour

turnabouttime Wed 13-Oct-21 22:35:32


What a horrible thing to do.

But wouldn't it be more awful to know that someone was cheating and having unprotected sex? I really felt it was not right to ignore.

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TopCatsTopHat Wed 13-Oct-21 22:36:27

I think you did the right thing. Watching him get his comeuppance would give a certain amount of satisfaction I think. Funny how you can feel many things at once though I think. Sympathy for the betrayed girlfriend, relief at not being complicit in that betrayal, satisfaction for the guy getting his just deserts, the weirdness of having released something that now has a life of its own.
There could be a whole bunch of stuff I can imagine. If you find you're actually genuinely enjoying it spend more time thinking this isn't really good fun.
Fwiw if I was the girlfriend I'd be glad you did it, hurt though it might better than that wasting more of your life on a disloyal liar.

Bluntness100 Wed 13-Oct-21 22:37:03

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

minou123 Wed 13-Oct-21 22:37:09

I think you did the right thing. And I don't think you're evil.

Maybe you are enjoying it because the sly bastard is getting his comeuppance?
In a way I kinda get why you are enjoying it.

The only horrible bit is the gf upset. But you didn't cause this, he did!

FabacrombieAndBitch Wed 13-Oct-21 22:37:21

Excellent work!! Fuck em?. Cheating scummy pond life

Lazypuppy Wed 13-Oct-21 22:39:36

I'm with you OP! Gf deserved to know and the man an OW deserve all this pain for being cheaters.

If i was the GF i woulf want to know anf wouldn't care how i was told

NigelSlatersXmasTaters Wed 13-Oct-21 22:40:37

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

TooBigForMyBoots Wed 13-Oct-21 22:40:45

I think I see what you're getting at @turnabouttime. As long as you don't make a habit of it, YANBU.

turnabouttime Wed 13-Oct-21 22:41:06


Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

I'm not a major friend of the OW no. The letter is because as I explained, I couldn't see how else to do it. The gf doesn't know me. I know who she is but don't know her. Standing by whilst some sly bastard is having unprotected sec with two women is not being kind or honourable. It's making you complicit. The weird satisfaction I am feeling is what I was struggling with but as several people have said, maybe that's not so unusual. I just feel sorry for gf. But not as sorry as if she still didn't know.

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TopCatsTopHat Wed 13-Oct-21 22:41:22

Meh. I don't think it is one of the cuntiest things you could do. Whenever anyone starts a thread about knowing of an affair and feeling horror at holding this secret they aren't comfortable with, and pity for the girlfriend etc... The thread is often really split between tell and don't tell. Often depending on whether it would get you in trouble at work. 🤷‍♀️

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