Ex partner sending abusive post..

(22 Posts)
Twinkletter Wed 13-Oct-21 22:22:32

I fled domestic abuse a while ago.. There is a restraining order in place preventing my ex from contacting me. It expires next year. He's breached it multiple times but has never been convicted due to lack of evidence. However there has been two very substantial things that have happened. His solicitor accidentally (not sure whether this was accidentally on purpose) sent him a form which has my current mobile number on.. A couple of days later I received a call off private number and basically telling me to watch my back and he's going to end me. I went to my parents house a few days ago to pick up post.. My parents are currently abroad so myself and my sibling look after the house. I opened a blank envelope and inside was a blank with sympathy card, my blood ran cold.. This is exactly the type of sick thing he should do. I reported both these incidents to the police and I'm due to have an officer come to my house to take a statement tomorrow. Is it likely they can do anything about this??? I know him and he'll say im making it up or that I sent myself the card.
He's so sick and twisted.

OP’s posts: |
Jesskir89 Wed 13-Oct-21 22:26:32

Wow op this is serious. Is there anyone can you stay with for a few days? Do you believe you're in danger now?

Dizzy1234 Wed 13-Oct-21 22:31:59

Report everything that happens, the police will have seen everything and won't be fooled by his manipulation.
The police may not be able to prove anything but still report everything as it builds a picture.
You could ask for an extension to the restraining order.
If you get an officer who doesn't take you seriously or tries to fob you off, ring the police station and get the name of the person in charge and ring or email them and explain and ask for another officer to visit you.
In the meantime change your mobile number and invest in a ring doorbell or a camera.
Good luck op

altmember Wed 13-Oct-21 22:33:50

He sounds like a right sick fuck. Hopefully the police will 'have a word' with him. You should also put in a formal complaint against his solicitor, assuming they're aware they need to keep your contact details from him?

updownroundandround Thu 14-Oct-21 06:32:36

Report to police..........every.......single...........time, because as PP said, it helps to build a picture.

Change mobile number and take action against his solicitor (ask your solicitor about this).

Definitely get a 'ring' doorbell for yourself and for all addresses he knows about too.

You will need to keep strong and keep safe, but this will end eventually (probably whenever he's got his next victim in his sights).

Twinkletter Thu 14-Oct-21 09:07:44

Thank you - I just don't know how they can prove a withheld phone call or an anonymous card. He is absolutely SICK in the head, he really is.
I have reported it to the police, but I know it's just going to result in a NFA.

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Loopy3585 Thu 14-Oct-21 09:12:16

Have you reported the solicitor for sharing your personal information without permission?


Twinkletter Thu 14-Oct-21 09:25:44

I can't be sure it was him though - I am just assuming, but the only document I have put my number on is something that was sent to him - so it makes sense.

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Reptar Thu 14-Oct-21 11:19:26

His solicitor accidentally (not sure whether this was accidentally on purpose) sent him a form which has my current mobile number on.

If you can prove this then there must be a way to complain about the solicitor, their actions have had real consequenses for you. Maybe raise a GDPR complaint?

Cas112 Thu 14-Oct-21 11:37:47

Report to police

Twinkletter Thu 14-Oct-21 11:41:47

Just to be clear.
I have reported to the police, they are coming tonight to take a statement.
There is no way to prove or evidence this is him though. Nothing is traceable back to him, which is why he's done it!

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Lachimolala Thu 14-Oct-21 11:48:20

A ring doorbell or some form of camera he can’t see would work, I put one really high up tilted downwards on both my front and back door.

Caught him red handed, in fact it was that one small piece of evidence that swung the find of fact hearing in my favour.

If you can afford it I’d buy something and put them up at both yours and your parents. Even something inside that could record through glass is better than nothing.

Do you think he posted it or hand delivered it?

Ariela Thu 14-Oct-21 11:48:53


Just to be clear.
I have reported to the police, they are coming tonight to take a statement.
There is no way to prove or evidence this is him though. Nothing is traceable back to him, which is why he's done it!

They could seize his mobile and check if he called and withheld the number

Twinkletter Thu 14-Oct-21 12:18:53

It was hand delivered as it was in a blank envelope, he knows where my parents live.
He is exceptionally deceitful, knowing him he would have used a burner phone.
Just feel like he gets away with it all.

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YoBeaches Thu 14-Oct-21 20:37:12

They can run forensics on the card and envelope for fingerprints, and trace the call from His phone.

There are definitely ways to try and prove it was him.

Lachimolala Fri 15-Oct-21 11:53:30

I had hoped you’d say that @Twinkletter my ex was doing similar things, if you put a camera up high enough that he won’t see it but it will see him then you’ll catch him in the act won’t you.

It’ll be your trump card that will ensure he doesn’t get away with it anymore, it’ll add gravity and believability to your other allegations of his behaviour.

Closetbeanmuncher Fri 15-Oct-21 13:28:52

Do you have cameras in your home. I woukd advise setting up a security system asap.

Twinkletter Fri 15-Oct-21 15:40:12

My ex doesn't know where we reside, he does however know where my parents are so I should get a RING doorbell from there.
What is really disturbing is that he's cut out the barcode from the back of the card, so that the card is completely untraceable.
The Police came to speak to me, but I told them I don't want to pursue charges and risk him finding where we are, I just wanted the incident logged.

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Authenticcelestialmusic Fri 15-Oct-21 15:46:57

You may find one of the neighbours has a security camera or doorbell on your parents street that filmed him. I would knock and ask.

Twinkletter Fri 15-Oct-21 15:50:09

I already did that, they don't sad they have reported several times that they have seen him at the address though and that was reported to the police.
He hasn't ever been charged or cautioned with anything as there was insufficient evidence to progress.

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Twinkletter Fri 15-Oct-21 16:06:15

I feel a bit scared, the Police can't force me to press charges can they? I just wanted the incident reported as I am terrified of him and the police have never been able to protect me from him until I fled.
I don't want to pursue because it'll get transferred to my local police force who will contact him and then he will know what area I live in.

OP’s posts: |
Reptar Fri 15-Oct-21 18:41:10

I'm not an expert but I thought that if there is a restraining order in place you aren't supposed to have to press charges, they should do it automatically when he breaches the restraining order?

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