Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
I’m really struggling with food and OH(163 Posts)
I’ve lost a lot of weight this year. Really pleased with this.
I did it through a meal replacement plan. Which isn’t cheap.
I’m struggling loads with staying on it. I’m working FT and with young children just feel drained and tired and want something substantial. So I keep breaking it. But then I get comments and disapproval from OH. And it’s making me eat in secret which is destructive.
I don’t know why I’m posting. I just feel like I’m watched all the time with food and I hate it.
What’s everyone else eating? Can’t you have substantial meals that are healthy?
What you put in your mouth is entirely your responsibility and you could plan ahead better to make sure you can fill up on the right stuff. Batch cook soups on weekends etc.
But no one should be making unkind comments either.
What is going to be better for your physical and mental health, carrying a bit of weight, or carrying an eating disorder and a broken relationship? Because that's where you're headed.
Why not invest a bit more in seeing a proper family dietitian who can help you make a realistic food plan that works for your life and your family (someone with a proper degree in dietetics, not a 'nutritionist', as that's not a protected term and some are great but many promote really faddy and expensive eating)..
Get him to come with you and take responsibility for ensuring you as a family are eating nutritiously - which, btw, means sometimes having a big slice of chocolate cake, just because.
I absolutely agree but the point of the diet is that you don’t eat what everyone else is eating.
To be fair he doesn’t make unkind comments. But any comments about what I’m eating make me self conscious, so I hide food and eating, which feels very wrong.
I lost a lot of weight too…but not with a meal replacement plan. I lost it with healthy, filling, tasty meals that I sometimes share with my family and sometimes don’t. I batch cook for myself a lot.
I have to EAT. I’m pretty slim now. No problems maintaining weight with diet and exercise. Have never followed any manufactured regime.
Is he fattist op? He sounds a bit grim.
Is it because it's expensive and he resents the money if you're not sticking to it?
Have you told him how his comments are affecting you? Perhaps you need to be utterly honest with him and say he needs to stop as it's creating a new issue with your eating habits. If he doesn't back off after that, what is the rest of your relationship like?
If you're really struggling sticking to it because you're hungry rather than emotional eating, then perhaps you need to stop and look at doing it another way.
If it's emotional eating, maybe you need to look at ways of addressing that.
Also agree with having the occasional great big slab of chocolate cake, just because.
My cousin lost 6 stone with Lighter Life. And put 7 stone back on.
It's a mad diet, OP, and not sustainable which is why your body is rebelling. And why on earth are you paying a fortune for something you're not sticking to?
Download My Fitness Pal, up your exercise and start counting calories. I've lost 3 stone without setting foot near a fad diet.
If it's not nasty comments, I can see how he could be annoyed if you're frequently not sticking to it but are still paying for it.
Now that you've lost a bit, could you try Slimming World or WW to help keep it off? You can normal food on those x
His comments / expressions, whilst not helpful, don’t ‘make you’ eat in secret.
Restricting food / calories is a risk factor for developing or worsening disordered eating.
Your time with this way of eating is over. It is no longer working for you.
Have a break, try to maintain your current weight, then assess what you want to do.
Better to have a break now than binge in secret putting loads back on.
Losing weight is really hard on the body as you lose muscle mass too, so consolidate, eat lots of protein & look after yourself.
Secret eating in response to your DH comments is wrong, because you should instead be able to say that you need him to not comment and he should be fine with that. It should be a complete non-issue in your relationship if you break the diet plan or if you stop the plan altogether. If it isn't then you have a DH problem.
However, if you're spending a fortune on an expensive diet plan because you want to lose weight and other family members are making sacrifices so you can afford it, but you then aren't losing weight due to not sticking to the diet plan, that would make you the unfair one. So if the comments are about that then DH has a point.
I think it's time to stop doing that and change to something different. Eating in secret won't do you much good l. Then decide if you should consider seeing someone to help improve your relationship with food or if you can fix it on your own.
So summing up. You are on an expensive meal replacement plan. This has helped you lose a lot of weight. But now it is not sustaining you in your day to day life and now you are in the verge of 1. Becoming unwell, and 2. Breaking the diet, leading to 3. Feeling bad about yourself. Are you cooking for the rest of the family? Is your DH pulling his weight? How do you feel about his comments, and his support?
All that aside, you cannot survive on a meal replacement plan. At some point (now would be good) you have to reintroduce normal food. Get some help to help you plan a weekly meal plan for ALL the family. This is now about healthy eating for all of you, not a punitive diet for you, while everyone else rates what they like. Your DH needs to be on board with this.
Maybe he thinks he's helping you. Have you spoken to him about it?
It sounds like the meal replacement thing is no longer working for you, so do please stop it and try and find a way to eat within a calorie limit where you don't gain weight. You seem to be putting all the "blame" on your partner where you should be putting the blame on the unrealistically restrictive diet you have been on.
To maintain the weight loss it needs to be a lifestyle change, not just being reliant on meal replacement. Of course your DH is making comments, if you're paying for an expensive meal plan then deciding you want something else (then wasting / not sticking to the meal plan). You can't sustain a loss that isn't natural, once you begin to eat normally you won't be able to maintain weight if you haven't learnt how to.
Eating in secret is your issue, when it becomes 'covert' then you need to overhaul what you're doing. You can eat substantial low calorie meals, you just have to get the right proportions of veg / meat / dairy / carbs etc. E.g you can have a stir fry but swap half the noodles out for lots of extra veg, or have sausage and mash but half regular mash half cauliflower mash with chicken sausages (the heck ones are fab!) etc
The point of meal replacements is that they give you time off from your usual diet so that you can introduce long term, sustainable eating habits that enable you to keep the weight off.
So whilst you're finding it difficult, it's more that at least on a subconscious level, you want to go back to eating the same things that led you to need to lose weight in the first place.
It's the important time to make plans to keep on track, not to chuck it all out and return to making your previous choices.
So what can you do to make those pinchpoints easier? Could you meal plan and have a stock of healthier things that are easy to do?
The things I've done have been along the lines of having emergency snacks, almost instant meals, even stuff like having preboiled eggs, ready to eat fish or meat in the fridge or mini portions of cheese just in case I get to the point of 'I'm tired, I'm cold, I'm hungry and I need to eat NOW', which staves off the desire for something that would counteract my goals 98% of the time. Could something like that work for you?
I’m not intending to blame him at all. I wasn’t really posting for diet advice, to be honest. It’s about managing food and my relationship. It’s horrible feeling like I can’t eat in front of him and feeling judged when I do.
So tell him how he's making you feel.
But if you adapted things to work better for you in terms of eating, there wouldn't be that issue, would there?