OH wants to move on

(111 Posts)
Tina7391 Mon 11-Oct-21 17:48:32

My partner says he wants to put our house (that we bought a year ago) on the market because it hasn't "fixed" us. I had no idea anything had been wrong until this declaration. I'm really angry as the house that was sold to pay a huge deposit was my house. I feel as though I've lost loads due to him not being honest. I asked several times before we moved if he was sure as this was a big commitment. We've been together a long time. He's done this before during stressful periods at the start of our relationship but I would have said we've been solid for several years. I'm just so mad and trying to hold it together as don't want to rile him before the house is sold. How do I deal with my anger? Help

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AnneLovesGilbert Mon 11-Oct-21 17:52:34

Does he want to break up or just sell the house?

I hope you protected your money..?

Salayes Mon 11-Oct-21 17:54:30

That sounds really horrible. Did you pay all of the deposit then? Will you get back from this house what you put in proportionally with him or is he suggesting some sort of 50/50 split?

Tina7391 Mon 11-Oct-21 17:54:37

He wants to break up and I didn't protect my money. I'm so stupid 😥

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Tina7391 Mon 11-Oct-21 17:55:55

He acknowledges that I put in most of the money and says I'll get my share but hence why I'm scared to rock the boat.

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Ozanj Mon 11-Oct-21 17:57:36

Do you think he deliberately conned you? If so you could report it to police and the bank as a romance scam - you will probably still lose out but reporting him could get a marker loaded against his name to prevent him from ever getting credit / applying for some jobs.

Eesha Mon 11-Oct-21 17:59:06

Could you quickly speak to a solicitor and find out what your rights are? I'm sure they will be able to prove the money trail leads back to your house sale but personally I would speak to a solicitor ASAP.


Tina7391 Mon 11-Oct-21 17:59:44

We've been together 13 years so I hope not 😥

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Eesha Mon 11-Oct-21 18:00:40

I think you can try and keep it amicable but best to get your ducks in a row just in case

Tina7391 Mon 11-Oct-21 18:00:41

That's my next step. I actually hate him at the moment. He's swanning around as though nothing is wrong.

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TooWicked Mon 11-Oct-21 18:01:13

Can you afford to buy him out and stay in the house alone? Have you got an acknowledgement from him in writing (even just by text) that you put in most of the money?

Tbh I’d be going to see a solicitor quick smart with bank statements and stuff that proves you paid in significantly more than him and seeking advice.

Tina7391 Mon 11-Oct-21 18:04:04

I should say that I lived in my last house for over 20 years and he lived with me for half so I do acknowledge that he's due something.

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Tina7391 Mon 11-Oct-21 18:04:40

I'm just trying to stay out of his way as much as possible.

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HollowTalk Mon 11-Oct-21 18:07:12

I agree about going to the solicitor's asap. I wouldn't trust him an inch but have to say I wouldn't let him know that until the money was sorted out. What he's done is outrageous.

Tina7391 Mon 11-Oct-21 18:07:13

I can prove I put in most of the money but there's nothing written down legally. I could afford to stay in this house (he couldn't) but I could not afford to buy him out. I would have been mortgage free in my last house by now too

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girlmom21 Mon 11-Oct-21 18:23:41

Get some kind of agreement in writing about you getting your money back now, whilst he's being amicable.

user1471538283 Mon 11-Oct-21 18:36:40

Get legal advice and something signed so you get your deposit back. I would not acknowledge that he is owed anything except half the equity of the new house if there is anything.

You can then look at another house with your deposit.

IrishMel Mon 11-Oct-21 19:00:07

Get legal advise as others have said, Even contact citizens advise as here in Ireland they have free legal clinics. Take it from there. He is acting like a dick and you are right to be mad and no he does not deserve half as it was your house. Did you suspect things were going wrong or do you think there is someone else in his life. Are there children involved. You will get through this but do not let him walk over you. Sorry to hear he is putting you through this.

Carboncheque Mon 11-Oct-21 19:04:32

You’re not married so I’d echo the advice to see a solicitor. Get as much documentation about the house purchase and your contribution to the deposit as you can - paper bank statement (can be ordered online), emails etc. Anything in writing from your soon to be ex about the amount he contributed to the deposit. Fingers crossed for you.

meadowbleu Mon 11-Oct-21 19:07:33

To be clear, you're not married and you don't have children together?

Do get professional legal advice, it's well worth paying for. You've been together a good length of time, but it does sound like he has form for leading you up the garden path.

Tina7391 Mon 11-Oct-21 19:18:18

No children and not married. I really just want him to leave but I don't think he has anywhere to go. He said there is no one else. He has spent a few days working away during the week lately but he spent half the time phoning me!

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bigbaggyeyes Mon 11-Oct-21 19:21:15

I would seek urgent legal advice tomorrow re the house deposit. I'd also act swiftly re the separation, so it whilst he's feeling guilty so you can at least try and salvage your financial situation. As for the relationship, I don't think I could forgive this, maybe it's time you moved on

bigbaggyeyes Mon 11-Oct-21 19:22:09

I do hope this hasn't been his end game all along, but a house together with your money so he can claim half of it

Aquamarine1029 Mon 11-Oct-21 19:24:21

I highly suspect another woman is in the picture.

Gettingthereslowly2020 Mon 11-Oct-21 19:36:51

Just googled it and it looks like because you didn't take any steps to protect your money, he's entitled to half. But yes, speak to an actual solicitor to find out properly.

Sounds like he's played you. I'm sorry if that's the case. Always seek legal advice before entering into anything financial with anyone. It's a very expensive lesson to learn.

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