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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Pulled away!

24 replies

summer151 · 10/10/2021 22:00

Seeing someone for about a month and getting on well. He has been so affectionate to me and seemed to enjoy kissing me etc.. today though after having sex and having a good time I went to kiss him and he pulled away and said it's not a nice feeling when someone does this to u!! I felt really shit after and got up and left. Don't think he knows how much this pissed me off as he has been texting nice things all evening but I just couldn't be bothered replying. I know I've probably overreacted. Should I just let it go??

OP posts:

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Andrewthecharminbumwiper · 10/10/2021 22:01

What did he mean, it's not a nice feeling being kissed, or was he trying to say you'd been pulling away?

summer151 · 10/10/2021 22:06

I don't know.. as I hadn't done that to him. It's just made me very confused

OP posts:

Camblewick · 10/10/2021 22:07

You need to ask him OP.

Henio · 10/10/2021 22:15

How weird, think i'd have to dump him 😕

CandyLeBonBon · 10/10/2021 22:16

How odd

Thingsdogetbetter · 11/10/2021 07:19

Bin! He's punishing you for some perceived 'crime' you've committed. He didn't discuss it, give you chance to explain or defend yourself and clear up a misunderstanding, just jumped straight to a petty punishment. You're left confused and pissed off, and he's back to normal because he feels like he's won.

This is how he will deal with any issues - real or imaginary.

Inthesameboatatmo · 11/10/2021 08:10

You need to get him to clarify because to say that for no reason sounds like he's got issues and red flags are sure to spew forth.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 11/10/2021 09:59

Sexytimeusername · 11/10/2021 10:32

it's not a nice feeling when someone does this to u
Did the sex finish with oral and/or cum in mouth? I've known a few guys over the years who got really weird about wanting passionate kissing initially, but as soon as they've put their cock in your mouth, it's like your mouth is out of bounds.

lilmishap · 11/10/2021 10:48

@Thingsdogetbetter

Bin! He's punishing you for some perceived 'crime' you've committed. He didn't discuss it, give you chance to explain or defend yourself and clear up a misunderstanding, just jumped straight to a petty punishment. You're left confused and pissed off, and he's back to normal because he feels like he's won.

This is how he will deal with any issues - real or imaginary.

How is he punishing her by saying he doesn't like something?

She didn't ask any questions she just left and has been ignoring his texts without bothering to explain why!

Someone's being unfairly punished but it's definitely not her!.

lilmishap · 11/10/2021 10:49

You have to ask him, he is allowed to have likes and dislikes but storming off and ignoring him is really shitty

girlmom21 · 11/10/2021 10:56

I think you need to understand what he meant.

Presumably either there was oral sex involved or you've pulled away from him unknowingly in the past.

If it's oral, I can understand him not wanting to kiss you afterwards.

If it's a punishment of some sort, dump him.

Dery · 11/10/2021 11:15

Agree with PP - did he explain or could you tell what it was you were supposed to have done that "isn't a nice feeling"? If you'd just done oral, then I also can see why he might not have wanted to kiss you though he could perhaps have put it in a more sensitive way.

If you don't know what he meant but things have otherwise been going well and you generally like him, then I think it would be worth asking him what he meant. Depending on his explanation, you can decide whether he's being reasonable or a dick and whether or not he's someone you want to continue seeing.

If you can have sex with someone, you should be able to talk to them about the sex you're having. If you can't talk to that person, you probably shouldn't be having sex with them.

Lilolily · 11/10/2021 18:26

Sorry I don’t think it’s ok to expect to cum in someone’s mouth and then not want to kiss them after. Sex is for adults.

Unanananana · 11/10/2021 18:32

@Lilolily

Sorry I don’t think it’s ok to expect to cum in someone’s mouth and then not want to kiss them after. Sex is for adults.

This. If your mouth is good enough to shoot his load into, he shouldn't shy away from kissing you.

That said. he doesn't have to consent to any sort of physical contact, but what he said is odd. Are you just FWB which would me kissing may be a little too intimate for him?

He may also be doing it on purpose, to test if you challenge his odd behaviour so he can get away with other things in future.

lilmishap · 12/10/2021 09:03

@Lilolily

Sorry I don’t think it’s ok to expect to cum in someone’s mouth and then not want to kiss them after. Sex is for adults.

Sorry I don't think it's ok to dictate what someone else is or isn't allowed to want during sex.
That's batshit levels of not ok.

Seriously it's pretty fucking rapey

Maze76 · 12/10/2021 09:13

“today though after having sex and having a good time I went to kiss him and he pulled away and said it's not a nice feeling when someone does this to u!! “
See this would make me feel crap!
The pulling away is really hurtful, especially after being intimate, but what he said afterwards would worry me more.
Did you refuse to do a sex act and that’s what he’s referring to?
Whatever it is,( if it’s anything at all) he needs to communicate how he feels better, and you would be better to have addressed his behaviour at the time.
Call him , meet up and have the conversation.

thefourgp · 12/10/2021 09:14

You say you’re confused. He will be too. Do you normally ignore people to punish them when you’re angry?
Talk to him. If you’re not happy with the outcome of the discussion then end the relationship. You shouldn’t be dating someone if you can’t talk openly with them about your feelings.

layladomino · 12/10/2021 18:36

If you don't know what he meant, then we can't possibly know. You really need to ask him. Ignoring someone is pretty poor behaviour.

He may have been a misunderstanding in which ase discuss it and move on.

Or he may have been out of order, in which case you can decide if it's a dealbreaker.

QueenBee52 · 13/10/2021 01:44

your immediate response should have been... "do what ?"

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 13/10/2021 05:25

@Sexytimeusername

it's not a nice feeling when someone does this to u
Did the sex finish with oral and/or cum in mouth? I've known a few guys over the years who got really weird about wanting passionate kissing initially, but as soon as they've put their cock in your mouth, it's like your mouth is out of bounds.

This was my first thought too.

faithfulbird20 · 13/10/2021 05:29

Dump him he's weird and manipulative in a strange way

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Valeriekat · 14/10/2021 11:19

@ lilmishap
Seriously it's pretty fucking rapey

What!!!!!!!

Lilolily · 14/10/2021 20:40

@lilmishap if our mouths are good enough to cum into then they should be good enough to kiss afterwards, or at least be adult enough to explain that he doesn’t want to. Pulling away and making passive aggressive comments is childish.

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