I'm exactly the same as all of you here. Nothing more than friends for 10 years now, and tbh not even that. I don't really like him and we do everything separately, which suits me. But here I am plodding on 'for the kids.'
I too am resentful, angry and sad - none of which is the real me. I dislike who I am with him, and instantly transform to myself when he's not around. It's like he drains the life out of me. But nothing massive has happened, it's all a build up of small things, and I feel as if I am waiting and waiting and waiting for him to do something really wrong so I can use that to tell him to leave.
I've also been seeing counsellor for about 4 months, and a different one prior to that for about a year. I don't feel any further forward. Saying that, I have told him how I feel, that I don't want us to ever have a physical relationship as I don't feel anything like that for him, but he seems to accept this and is prepared to carry on as we are. I hate the evenings, just finding things to do with the kids (obviously that's a nice thing, I don't hate that) but a lot of the time I randomly stand in the kitchen as he is stretched out on the sofa watching endless politics. Last night he was chuckling away at Bozo at the tory party bloody conference. I could have lamped him. This is not what I want from my life. And that's exactly what I'd love to have the guts to say to his face. Why can't I do it? Probably because it isn't 'bad enough.' We've just had a nice weekend away all four of us, and he made a bit of an effort with the kids, and I could see they appreciated that. But making a bit of an effort a couple of times a year isn't good enough.
I am so bloody unhappy. But more so at the thought of uprooting the kids. If I could stay in the house, make sure he found somewhere decent to live where the kids would be ok staying, I'd do it. But I worry that I'm going to make things so much worse, because of something I want and nobody else does. This goes round and round in my head constantly. And all it does it take more and more time. I dread the thought of Christmas looming. I don't want to waste another year of my life.
How the hell do you do it??? :( x