[quote wishfuldreamer]@Boonlark - sorry, i didn't mean 'show off' in a way to tell you off. I more meant that I didn't think ENM people should have to prove the positivity of their relationships to mono folk in their thread. it wasn't what I was thinking when i started the thread, though it is always nice to hear positive stories :-)
and, that said, I guess for @TackyJewellery i can share my own story as a way of showing it's not all one guy with loads of women...but it's a bit of a complex constellation of people, so apologies in advance. I'm going to use pseudonyms because it's easier to keep track of who is who.
So, i have three partners at the moment; two men, one woman - let's call them Craig, Andrew and Sarah. I've been with Craig for two years, and dating Andrew and Sarah for about three months at this point.
Craig has another long term female partner (Cynthia), which has become non-sexual at the moment, but is a very loving and affectionate relationship. He's recently started dating someone else, who he's fallen pretty hard I think. Cynthia has another male partner, who I know was dating, but didn't have anything else permanent other than her. His new love interest has a long term (male) partner. Mine and Craig's relationship is very serious and committed.
Andrew has a long-term partner, and a little girl. He's also seeing someone else very casually. Andrew's long term partner has another male partner who, for various reasons, is happy being just with her for the time being, though has had multiple partners in the past. My relationship with him is growing in a lovely direction - committed is probably not the word for it - with a little girl he doesn't have loads of time, but what we have works for us, and we enjoy spending time together (usually something like a 24 hour period every fortnight or so).
Sarah is not dating anyone other than me. she was explicitly not looking for anything monogamous when we started dating, though doesn't openly consider herself poly. Essentially, she's a busy woman with lots of things on, and doesn't have time for a monogamous style relationship. We hang out once a week or so, in something which probably resembles a FWB type arrangement, with a proper friendship underpinning the physical. We both understand that at some point she may choose a monogamous relationship with someone else, and it's something that we have discussed a few times already over the months.
I also have an ex, Ted, who was my first 'poly' partner. i was single, we'd been friends for years, and I learnt a lot about nonmonogamy through him and his long term partner Natalie. We split amicably (though not painlessly) earlier in the summer, and have slowly transitioned to a really lovely friendship. I'm also good friends still, and independently, with Natalie.
He and Craig knew each other and we hung out together. I have an independent friendship with Craig's other long term girlfriend. Craig and Andrew have recently met as that relationship is getting more permanent, and Sarah will probably meet Craig this weekend, as we're all going to the same event (coincidentally, in part).
So it's not all men with harems. I do agree that there are men out there who use poly as an excuse for cheating - but I'm of the opinion that if it's not open, then it's not poly. You can't be 'unwittingly' poly - you're just being subjected to infidelity.[/quote]
That all sounds like an exhausting amount of emotional labour. I honestly wouldn’t be able to do it.
What happens if you want to see one of your partners but they want to see another one of their partners? If there’s a clash of dates and availability how is it decided who takes precedence?
Do you find yourself thinking about the other partners when you’re with one? Like, do you worry about their well-being, their latest job interview, whether their mum will need that operation and how will they cope…? etc, etc. Or can you just compartmentalise and it’s more out of sight out of mind?