Husband leaving me and I feel relieved

(174 Posts)
Laurapb88 Sun 19-Sep-21 16:53:56

So my husband has spent since Thursday giving me the silent treatment being extremely nasty when he has spoken and decided that today is the day hes leaving me there is no marriage so save blah this all started because I was in to much pain and too tired to make his tea we have a 1 and a half year old who is very active and literally never stops until he goes to bed and I have severe osteoarthritis in my knee which is causing me serious pain at the minute so our house is definitely not any where near as clean as it should be, when I ask him for a little help even just moving his own stuff all i get is he works all week anyway I feel really really sad for our little boy who is now losing his family and essentially his daddy for a little while until he gets sorted but I'm actually relieved it's over like i feel my life will now get better is this awful?

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BumBurnerBum Sun 19-Sep-21 16:57:27

No. It's not awful, it's for the best for you and your child.

BumBurnerBum Sun 19-Sep-21 16:58:11

Trust me, I've been there. There is so much better in life.

FangsForTheMemory Sun 19-Sep-21 16:59:07

Think of it as the start of an easier life for you. Be prepared for your H to decide he wants to come back though, and to tell him he can't.

Laurapb88 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:00:01

It is for the best for us both I believe that I never thought I would be relieved tho I thought I would be devasted and heart broken xx

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Laurapb88 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:01:08

Oh he wont be coming back weve been here before when he left when I was pregnant altho that time I relented after a couple of months this time it's a definite absolutely not xx

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ftw163532 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:07:58

Ok just be careful. He sounds abusive and that he is deploying this as a threat to bring you back in line. Once he realises you're content for him to go he may change tack.

Make sure he does actually leave and get support for yourself - Women's Aid and Freedom Programme.

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pickingdaisies Sun 19-Sep-21 17:09:04

Well, at least it saves you the bother of kicking him out. I'm so sorry he refused to be the supportive partner you needed. But you know you'll be better off now.

Laurapb88 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:11:42

Thank you ladies I am 100% going to make sure he follows through with leaving and I think you right in that he thinks he is putting me back in my place its not the first time this has happened and I think he knows I'm not strong enough to kick him out but I am strong enough to make sure he keeps with his choice xx

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Aquamarine1029 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:15:30

Good riddance to the vile prick. Your life will be immeasurably better without him in it.

Northeastsouthwest21 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:18:01

@Laurapb88 100% let him go. You and your child deserve better. Sounds like he didn’t really contribute anything to make your lives better or easier anyway. Where did he go last time when he left?

billy1966 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:22:50

Life will be much easier without this toxicity in your lives.

flowers

Laurapb88 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:24:10

That's the thing he doesn't really contribute at all I mean some times he will make tea but he uses every utensil and it's all left to me to clean up he spends a lot of time on his phone and not really paying attention so even when I'm trying to clean on a weekend I'm forever having to stop to sort the baby out and I have tried to tell him he needs to help me but it's in one ear and out the other he went to stay at his nans she only lives 5 minutes down the road I'm presuming that's where he will go this time but they cant handle our son hes into everything and they find it to much so unless I let him have him here then he wont be having him for any sort of time and I don't want him to have him here its always somehow my fault tho never his xx

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redastherose Sun 19-Sep-21 17:26:35

You are relieved because you know it's the right thing for you and your son in the long run. I felt the same. I can remember driving to work and thinking I wanted to get everything sorted ASAP so that he didn't think he could change his mind.

Iseeyoulookingatme Sun 19-Sep-21 17:27:32

I felt exactly the same when my marriage ended in May. Its for the best op, you know it and it will be the best decision in the long run and that is why you are relieved.

Laurapb88 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:32:48

I think I've been waiting for it to happen I do feel a little bit like who will want me 32 with a 1 year old and osteoarthritis like I'm 60 lol I think your right about getting things sorted he wont do anything I'll have to divorce him xx

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CleopatrasBeautifulNose Sun 19-Sep-21 17:33:07

He's unsupportive so practically speaking it will makes things simpler in many ways. Your sons age is good as he will never remember his parents being together so won't suffer long term trauma and sounds like he'll have escaped the limbo experience of being raised by a disengaged parent. Good outcome. I hope you get stacks of advice on how to protect yourself, make sure you have copies of everything admin-wise and access to bank etc. What's the mortgage situation etc etc

CleopatrasBeautifulNose Sun 19-Sep-21 17:35:21

Well funnily enough people fall in love at all sorts of ages and backgrounds, so if you are a plus to someones life and you compliment each others personality (which is what it's all about isn't it) you could certainly find love again. You just need to remember what makes you you and live as happily as you can.

Laurapb88 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:38:15

We rent and the only thing worth anything is the car that he wanted and got us £14000 in debt then quit his job that was really good money but I stupidity thought once he was happier in work he would be better with me I couldn't have been more wrong I sound so pathetic when I'm writing all this down confused so unless he wants me to pay for half the car I'll make sell it I can't drive x

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Laurapb88 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:39:24

That's very true thank you grin xx

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BlackberryMuncher Sun 19-Sep-21 17:40:10

You'd be mad to feel anything but relieved! It might be wise not to look too pleased though as that might make him change his mind! When is he actually going to go??

I'm sorry he's been SO crap since you were pregnant.

I separated from my long term partner at your age, I totally understand the feeling of 'who will want me?' but 20 years later, I can assure you life has been fun!!

Laurapb88 Sun 19-Sep-21 17:45:15

I have no idea all of his clothes are in our sons room it's a small 2 bed flat so we dont have the room in ours our baby goes to bed at 6 and is horrible if he doesn't go lol and they're still not home so I'm hoping he will take what ever he needs for tonight and then come for the rest while I'm out tomorrow, I hope so I think its time to live for me and my boy and be happy on my own for a while thank you everyone who has taken the time to comment it really means a lot xx

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bigknickersbigknockers Sun 19-Sep-21 18:04:21

I agree with a PP that you shouldnt look to pleased because he may actually stay and things could be more difficult.

Laurapb88 Sun 19-Sep-21 18:08:05

He isnt staying he is packing what he can he has put the baby to bed so cant get everything and I haven't spoken a word to him nor do I want to confused

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twoandeights Sun 19-Sep-21 18:14:01

Let him go. You can do better. I’m in the same boat. Receiving constant silent treatments everytime we disagree. I think I’m at about 8 weeks now in total this year. I wish I had your strength. If I was your age I’d definitely be out. There’s better out there for you. I can feel your relief

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