Liz Frazer's memoir about life with an abusive alcoholic

(117 Posts)

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FreshFreesias Tue 14-Sep-21 20:30:25

Did anyone read this excoriating account about living with an alcoholic?

Writer Liz Fraser writes about her years caring for her alcoholic physically and emotionally abusive partner. Sadly she seems to justify and endure his abuse as something he can't help and allows herself to be used as a battering ram.

Finally he attends AA meetings and dries out and then she begins to suffer with her mental health and is left a nervous wreck.

Obviously he is completely unsupportive and since publishing her book she announces on Twitter that he has just left her.

I just think that if she had shared her situation on Mumsnet it would have been her leaving him!

I have only read the (long) extract as the book is not out yet.

A lesson in this for all of us.
Liz Fraser: my life with an alcoholic partner | Times2 | The Times
www.thetimes.co.uk/article/liz-fraser-my-life-with-an-alcoholic-partner-mdb3l0j6f

OP’s posts: |
FreshFreesias Tue 14-Sep-21 20:41:33

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OP’s posts: |
FreshFreesias Tue 14-Sep-21 20:43:22

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Lana07 Tue 14-Sep-21 20:56:54

She CHOSE to be a victim.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_XSeUYa0-8

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UopWm8i6N4k&t=58s

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovrVv_RlCMw

Lana07 Tue 14-Sep-21 20:58:01

and a Rescure

FreshFreesias Tue 14-Sep-21 21:00:07

The thing was that once the dynamics of the relationship changed and she was no longer the `rescuer' he upped and left.
This is why going to al anon is so helpful.

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Throwntothewolves Tue 14-Sep-21 21:21:38

I can really relate to this. None of it was a 'choice' for her, more a reaction to a horrific situation she couldn't control or easily escape. It's easy to view from outside and make judgement, but unless you have lived experience of it you cannot possibly understand. This happens all the time to so many people, I bet we all know someone suffering the effects of alcoholism in some way

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Throwntothewolves Tue 14-Sep-21 21:25:20

Mumsnet is informative, helpful and supportive, and can give clarity to those suffering such situations. But there are always those posters who will judge or belittle, destroying any glimmer of hope or self confidence a poster desperately seeking help may have.

TicTac80 Tue 14-Sep-21 21:36:54

Reading what she wrote, it reminded me so much of the situ I had with XH (he’s an alcoholic). I felt sick when I read it, as the memories came flooding back. I hope she finds peace

FreshFreesias Tue 14-Sep-21 21:45:52

I'm going to buy the book but I know I am going to be shouting at it, just leave the bastard!
Having been stuck in an abusive relationship with an abusive alcoholic myself it is advice I wish I had taken myself.
Just don't waste any of your life because they will never change.

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Lana07 Tue 14-Sep-21 22:05:13

FreshFreesias

The thing was that once the dynamics of the relationship changed and she was no longer the `rescuer' he upped and left.
This is why going to al anon is so helpful.

So what he's left.

His loss.

A woman with high self-esteem will NEVER choose and allow herself to be a victim

Lana07 Tue 14-Sep-21 22:06:22

Especially an educated, intelligent woman with high emotional intelligence.

FreshFreesias Tue 14-Sep-21 22:07:19

He’s probably run off with someone in AA.
Hope she doesn’t take him back if he goes back on the booze and his life falls apart again.

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Darkchocolateandcoffee Tue 14-Sep-21 22:09:43

I follow her on Insta. I don't understand why she threw in her stable marriage to a nice guy and father to her teenage kids for an alcoholic barista in her local cafe.

It slightly seems to me she is asking for trouble.

cabinfever102 Tue 14-Sep-21 22:11:34

Maybe she shouldn't have monetised someone else's pain and life story for her own gain. Especially someone she professes to love and who was vulnerable. And the fact that AA isn't mean to be represented at level of press. She sounds like a bit of a dick to be honest. Self obsessed snd frankly just as bad in terms of her codependency.

whatwoulddexterdo Tue 14-Sep-21 22:13:46

Why have you posted all of this?

Lana07 Tue 14-Sep-21 22:15:12

I was a victim of a horrible alcoholic (emotional abuse) as a child and my promise to myself when I was 12 was: 'My lovely loving husband will be alcohol or any substance abuse indifferent.'

At 21 I had a clear vision of him and decided: he will be smart. clever, calm, supportive, patient and business-minded. He will love to travel with me, we'll be great compatible lovers with the same level of sex drive. He will be well educated, will work and earn and I will be and do the same. He will be ambitious and successful, fit and sporty.

I knew exactly who I wanted as my husband and I met him in 2004.

She didn't think she deserved more and never had her boundaries set if she allowed herself to carry on being a victim with him for so many years.

FreshFreesias Tue 14-Sep-21 22:15:13

An alcoholic barista doesn’t sound much of a catch. She probably had to keep him too.

She got into trouble on here when she went on the Jeremy Vine show to justify men in women’s changing rooms.

That went well as you can imagine.

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cabinfever102 Tue 14-Sep-21 22:15:24

Darkchocolateandcoffee

I follow her on Insta. I don't understand why she threw in her stable marriage to a nice guy and father to her teenage kids for an alcoholic barista in her local cafe.

It slightly seems to me she is asking for trouble.


Alcoholism is only one kind of addiction

Lana07 Tue 14-Sep-21 22:15:57

& generous

Lana07 Tue 14-Sep-21 22:18:02

It could easily be that there was not much sexual desire with her stable husband but they had much more mutual passion with this alcoholic barista

Lana07 Tue 14-Sep-21 22:18:30

and great sex when it happened kept them togeter

PermanentTemporary Tue 14-Sep-21 22:20:14

Oh Lana. Be a bit kinder to yourself.

Lana07 Tue 14-Sep-21 22:24:15

PermanentTemporary

Oh Lana. Be a bit kinder to yourself.

I am kind to myself and everyone.

I am happy.

At the same time I am strong would never ever let anyone bring a single moment of abuse into my life because I and we all deserve to be happy all our life from the moment we were born.

Snookie00 Tue 14-Sep-21 22:24:15

Wow. The judgemental posters are out tonight. That bullshit about intelligent educated women with high self esteem never choosing to be a victim. Living with an alcoholic is a gradual process. They’re never like that on day one. It slowly but surely saps your good judgement and rational thinking. It’s the height of arrogance to say she chose to be a victim.

And judging her for writing about it. It’s her story and her life. Why the hell shouldn’t she? Writing about someone else’s pain? She lived it and is perfectly entitled to write about it. Perhaps if he hadn’t been a total asshole then she wouldn’t have had anything to write about.

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