Hello, good to hear from you, although I am sorry things are difficult. Probably not unexpected. It is good that people know in real life and you have support.
Regarding your daughter, while I have said before, be prepared to go to court (otherwise it is a threat he can hold over you), I also think there are a couple of things to consider before going down that road:
- what she will actually manage and be able to cope with. We spent two years plus (!?!) trying to negotiate a separation agreement (in Scotland) based on what ex wanted on one side and what DS could manage on the other. For a number of reasons, it became really clear to me that DS could not cope with what ex was proposing and ex was just not listening and there were some other issues at play. The problem you have is that you have only just separated and you (plural) have not even tried to establish a contact arrangement from two different houses. You actually have no idea what your Dd will be able to manage. It is good in a way that you have some time to establish a routine before she starts school, but here too, this might need flexibility.
So I would say while he is asking for 50:50, another important question is whether he is expecting this to start right away or whether there is some openness to a flexible approach to see what she can manage and how she copes with any contact routine. I actually think as a starting point this is more important than whether he has six days or seven out of 14. So my question is really whether you can take the heat out of the situation by looking at an arrangement based initially on what DD is used to and then which increases as she gets older and you both see how she copes. This is presuming that you have done the majority of the care to date. Is that in any way a possibility? (It might not be, we had to go to court before my ex started to actually listen to what I was saying).
The important thing is that DD’s relationship with each of you is distinct from your relationship with each other. So you (plural) need to think about what is going to be best for her to facilitate that as she grows up. And it is, I think, having time with both of you which meets her needs and she can manage. I would honestly consider sitting down with a good mediator and trying to work out what that looks like.