Feeling guilty and cross at same time - thanks Mum!

[Moorhen]

This is very trivial, probably, but I'm feeling v weepy so seems a big deal: My mum and sister visited on Monday to see me and DS (4 months).

Unfortunately DS wasn't playing ball - he was teething, had a cold and was clingy and grumpy. Upsetting all round as they'd had to drive 70 miles.

Mum clearly knackered as had also spent weekend with my brother, an hour and a half away in central London.

At one point she turned to my sister (lives five mins away, creep ) and snapped "just don't YOU move further away, I need one child that I can pop to see without an hour and a half's journey and making Arrangements".

I feel terrible. I know how much she loves DS, her only grandchild, and how worried she is that he's not getting to know her properly (she'll be caring for him one day a week when I go back to work in five months). And it was my choice to move here, six years ago.

But OTOH, it's only 70 miles - her best mate's son has just moved back to Australia FFS. And I can't afford to live near her, could buy one-bed flat there for price of nice house here.

And I didn't know I was going to have a baby when I moved. Or that I would really want to see so much more of her.

Sigh. Any words of wisdom?

[saladsucks]

Ignore her. She is just upset that she can't comfort your DS when he is upset.
Alternatively, tell her you would love to move near her and thank her for offering to buy you a 3 bed house near her.

Out of interest, are you going to drive 70 miles to drop your DS off one day a week when you go back to work?

[bozza]

I would ignore this as well. Things are how they are. How old is your Mum? I don't see what you describe as particularly knackering.

[Moorhen]

The one-day a week thing will be complicated, but as it's a Monday may well involve me staying at hers/hers at mine alternate Sunday nights. I don't mind as I don't think it's really that far (then I do commute an hour and a half to work).

She'd had rotten journeys all weekend, but you're right, it was more disappointment and distress that DS wouldn't be comforted. Sigh.

[ally90]

Your upset. Tell her. And you have a right to be. The comment was made to your sister, rather than direct to you. It sounded snappy. And uncalled for. Your reasons above ie house prices, pg after move...she is being v unreasonable. Like the suggestion that you thank her for offering to pay for 3 bed house near her!

Is your relationship good enough you can go to her with this and she will listen?

[MitfordSisters]

Moorhen - good name! I think it was a bit impolite of her tbh - shouldn't she be a bit more sensitive to you as you've got a tiny fractious baby? You don't live your life for her convenience and neither should you.

[warthog]

i would snap back, that if she's willing to fork out for you to live near her, you'd be happy to. afterall, you could do with the support.

but otoh, these sorts of comments just flare up an already tense situation. so is best to ignore and vent on here.

if you're still pissed off in a couple of days, mention it to her in conversation that you wished you could afford to live closer, you could really do with the support.

[Pages]

Tell her to move nearer to you. She's just projecting her own frustrations onto you.

[Moorhen]

I do think she was being a bit unreasonable and projecting frustration on to me - but as she's generally wonderful and we get on great will let this one slide.

But if I start feeling under pressure to move will certainly be requesting a nice 3-bed house for my birthday