Please help me make sense.. best friend of 28 years turned on me and now not speaking

(186 Posts)
JorisBohnson2 Mon 26-Jul-21 13:52:52

I went out to a pub (garden) with a friend I've known since teenage years the weekend before last. I got talking to some people at another table who had passed us by and been friendly , to cut a long story short they then came over to our table to get my friend to come and join them (I didn't ask them to as i knew she wasn't in the mood for befriending new people due to covid ) and she rudely told them to f* off - yes she's covid-paranoid but could have said it in a nicer way... anyway one of them then came back and said wtf is wrong with her she needs to get a f***ing life and I was pretty mortified and didn't intervene... I was quite embarrassed by her rudeness and didn't think that merited me jumping to her side.

She then called me over a few minutes later said she was annoyed at me and some insulting words before flouncing off. I asked her the next day what I had done to upset her and I wasn't happy with how she'd been to me but let's either discuss it or forget it and move on.

She then texted (refused to talk) saying she was appalled that I'd 'sat there slagging her off with a bunch of strangers' and whenever I tried to give my view, she said I was lying and unless I accepted it was all my fault then I was choosing to end the friendship.

We've never fallen out before in 28 years. It's like a different person has taken over her body. Every time I tried to say my version of events she said I was lying and trying to argue with her and blame her. I feel I'm being emotionally blackmailed into taking responsiblity for a situation of her making, whilst she can swear at everyone and get off scot free.

I would leave it at that but we've been friends forever and this is a real shock to me. To say I am devastated is an understatement. How can she just change like this and blame me for everything. She literally said 'it's all your fault and you can't accept what you've done so I can't be friends any more in case you do it again.'

I haven't spoken to her since the text discussion/argument last week and suggested a time-out but where the hell do I go from here?

OP’s posts: |
yousawthewholeofthemoon Mon 26-Jul-21 13:57:36

So you went to the pub with your friend and left her on her own so you could go and sit with people you didn't know?

MichelleScarn Mon 26-Jul-21 13:57:36

So you went out with her, abandoned her to talk to strangers, then one of them went over and tried to get her to "join the party"? Yes her fuck off was wrong, but can't have been that upsetting for them given their response! Was it a table of guys and she was expecting a small catch up with you, not being out on the pull? Did you stay out with your new friends?

inthefroghouse Mon 26-Jul-21 13:58:28

I think you should have responded to the comment about her needing to get a life. You could have said anything, something to make her feel supported. What is more important: your long-standing friend, or you looking cool, making new random stranger-friends?

multivac Mon 26-Jul-21 13:58:31

Sooo - you were at the pub with your friend, whom you know is anxious about covid. You abandon her to talk to a bunch of people she doesn't know, on another table; then let them try and get her to come over too, turning your 'two mates together' night into a 'hanging out with a bunch of new people' night. She's pissed off... but, seeing this, you stay there with your new best friends, not even going back to her until she actually calls you over....

...and you can't see what you might have done differently? You know, for your "best friend"?

Good grief.

IHaventStoppedCravingYet Mon 26-Jul-21 13:59:18

Do you mean you’d gone and joined this other group and left your friend on her own? Maybe her annoyance at that contributed to her being rude when she was then asked to join you and your new friends?

ahoyshipmates Mon 26-Jul-21 13:59:24

Did you go and sit with the other people and leave her sitting there on her own?

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yousawthewholeofthemoon Mon 26-Jul-21 14:00:11

This seems a bit 'reverse'.

multivac Mon 26-Jul-21 14:01:02

yousawthewholeofthemoon

This seems a bit 'reverse'.

Oh lord, I do hope not...

Aloethere Mon 26-Jul-21 14:01:52

Unless you are missing a big chunk of the story here you were in the wrong. You put your friend in a position you knew she wasn't comfortable with then backed up strangers rather than her. I'd be pissed off at you too.

MistyFrequencies Mon 26-Jul-21 14:02:49

What others have said. If you went out with her, left her alone to talk to strangers, etc etc etc you're likely the dick here.

stealthninjamum Mon 26-Jul-21 14:03:14

Your op isn’t clear but did you really join a group of strangers and now you’re wondering why your friend is upset?

lafiesansvert Mon 26-Jul-21 14:03:38

yousawthewholeofthemoon

This seems a bit 'reverse'.

What's 'reverse' mean?

Seesawmummadaw Mon 26-Jul-21 14:04:52

I think your friend is right to be cross. You knew she was anxious and didn’t want to socialise.

TooBigForMyBoots Mon 26-Jul-21 14:05:38

Were you sitting with your friend when the strangers came over to our table to get my friend to come and join them?

InTheNightWeWillWish Mon 26-Jul-21 14:05:44

Covid paranoid or not, I’d be pretty pissed off if my friend ditched me at the pub for some strangers. Then when the strangers said I needed to get a life, they didn’t intervene.

Do you have form for leaving your friend for strangers? The fuck off seems a bit OTT but if this a regular habit of yours then I imagine this might be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Seesawmummadaw Mon 26-Jul-21 14:05:53

@lafiesansvert that op is actually the friend and was dumped for strangers.

lafiesansvert Mon 26-Jul-21 14:06:37

Seesawmummadaw

*@lafiesansvert* that op is actually the friend and was dumped for strangers.

Thanks

Seesawmummadaw Mon 26-Jul-21 14:07:27

Op was it just you and your ‘friend’ out?

yousawthewholeofthemoon Mon 26-Jul-21 14:08:48

"What's 'reverse' mean?"

The OP pretends they were person 'B' in their post, when really they are person 'A' in the hope that everyone says "you are the baddie" and she can say "ta-da! I'm not the baddie, I'm really person A!"

Really annoying.

Quartz2208 Mon 26-Jul-21 14:09:35

Yes even if it wasnt COVID times starting talking to people at a table for so long it sounds like they went to fetch her and you were still sat talking to them and they were then rude and you stayed talking to them for some more time until she called you over and left?

and then

* I asked her the next day what I had done to upset her and I wasn't happy with how she'd been to me but let's either discuss it or forget it and move on.*

When you basically imply that you did nothing wrong and you were irritated at her?

Yes this must be a reverse surely?

bigbaggyeyes Mon 26-Jul-21 14:10:12

I think your friend was ride to tell someone to fuck off.

However I think you were very rude to leave your friend on her own, in a pub to go and sit with a bunch of strangers, and yes, your friend was rude, but I'd have still said something to the stranger who said she needed to get a life.

Overall I think you were bu more so than your friend. No wonder she doesn't want to talk to you

Quartz2208 Mon 26-Jul-21 14:10:47

On the off chance it isnt a reverse - where do you go? You actually look through what you did and hipefully recognise what you did that was wrong and apologise

SixesAndEights Mon 26-Jul-21 14:12:23

I'd be annoyed at you too. You got chatting to strangers, left her on her own, one of them goes over to suggest she comes sit with you and your new pals, she tells them to fuck off ..... and you then leave her sat there until she calls you over?!?!?

She isn't the one with the problem!

lafiesansvert Mon 26-Jul-21 14:12:29

You apologise to her, blame it on the fact that everyone is responding differently to Covid regulations and that because this is something new, it's highlighted a difference between the two of you in terms of attitude to risk. Emphasise the uniqueness of the situation, point out that if this is the only difference between you in 28 years then you have a really important friendship, tell her you do not want to lose her friendship and that you'll try to be more aware in future.

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