Has he moved in (by stealth)?

(245 Posts)
blackandwhite1 Mon 26-Jul-21 13:27:42

I was having a conversation with my friend yesterday who said she didn't realise my DP had officially moved in. I said he hasn't. But her reply has got me wondering if my DP has pretty much moved in by stealth, or whether he is just here a lot.

He stays anywhere between 5 and 7 nights a week. He will get up in the morning, go to work (he's working from home), then come back to mine just before dinner. And repeat.

He doesn't have any clothes etc here, just a spare pair of underwear. I do give him dinner in the evenings. He won't shower here during the week, just when he's at mine for the weekend. He spends every other weekend at mine (he has his DC the other weekends).

Does this sound like he's basically living at mine?

OP’s posts: |
nimbuscloud Mon 26-Jul-21 13:29:56

Sounds like it really

pickingdaisies Mon 26-Jul-21 13:31:12

Yes. Yes it does.

flowery Mon 26-Jul-21 13:31:49

Surely all that matters is whether you are happy with the arrangement?

FelicityPike Mon 26-Jul-21 13:32:30

Free board and lodgings. Yes, he has.

icelollycraving Mon 26-Jul-21 13:32:38

Yep. Does he contribute to things like shopping? How long have you been together?

Outbutnotoutout Mon 26-Jul-21 13:33:07

Does he give you money for the meals, extra electricity etc?

He sounds a bit CF

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Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep Mon 26-Jul-21 13:33:27

And you cook for him?

longwayoff Mon 26-Jul-21 13:33:56

Hmm. Has he rented his flat out? If not, that's the only trick he's missed.

Esspee Mon 26-Jul-21 13:36:53

Happened to me. Didn't realised he had moved in until he started referring to the spare room as his dressing room. Sure enough all his clothes had migrated.
Eight years later.........

SleepingStandingUp Mon 26-Jul-21 13:39:38

He lives at yours, uses his as the office and his weekend home for his kids

Tiramiwho Mon 26-Jul-21 13:41:04

Your friend is correct and may have even mentioned it deliberately incase you hadn't noticed. So has he offered any contribution in any way to the cost of the free board and lodgings yet? Does he supply the groceries on his way back to yours or cook any of the meals at least? 🤔🤞

LtDansleg Mon 26-Jul-21 13:41:16

He sounds like he’s taking the piss a bit. He doesn’t need to have clothes or shower at yours because he’s working from his house. I bet that would be different if he was having to work in the office. He’s just keeping his house as a base for work and somewhere to see the kids twice a month. The question is how much is he contributing now that he’s basically living with you? I’m guessing he’s not putting anything into the rent as presumably he’s still paying the rent for his property. Is he helping contribute to the extra gas/electric/other bills when he’s at yours? Does he help with the cleaning? Is he doing the food shop half the time, paying for half of it and cooking half the dinners?

Clymene Mon 26-Jul-21 13:43:05

He's basically using his house as an office and wardrobe.

Do you provide all the food?

HollowTalk Mon 26-Jul-21 13:46:08

So he uses his place as an office but lives in yours?

Do you provide all food and pay all the bills?

SpindleWhorl Mon 26-Jul-21 13:46:13

If he's still paying for another home in his name, for which he pays council tax, utilities, insurance etc, in his name, then arguably he hasn't moved in. He would be a 'regular visitor'.

However, the DWP for example take a very dim view of these arrangements where the partner's 'home' is actually their mum's sofa or similar.

Also your own insurance company might expect to be told. There will be other implications, too, probably.

The issue of whether it bothers you - yes, I think you need to think about whether this is what you want and if it's good for your family.

inthefroghouse Mon 26-Jul-21 13:48:03

If he doesn't keep clothes at your place, I wouldn't think of him as living with you. He just visits a lot!

SpindleWhorl Mon 26-Jul-21 13:49:32

he started referring to the spare room as his dressing room

grin

Sorry, @Esspee but this has really tickled me for some reason. Did you marry him? Is he still there, wearing a smoking jacket for informal dinners at home?

1forAll74 Mon 26-Jul-21 14:05:26

It sounds like a pretty good arrangement for Him.

bigbaggyeyes Mon 26-Jul-21 14:06:56

Sounds like it.

Are you happy with this op? Does he contribute towards food, bills etc?

LtDansleg Mon 26-Jul-21 14:08:36

SpindleWhorl

If he's still paying for another home in his name, for which he pays council tax, utilities, insurance etc, in his name, then arguably he hasn't moved in. He would be a 'regular visitor'.

However, the DWP for example take a very dim view of these arrangements where the partner's 'home' is actually their mum's sofa or similar.

Also your own insurance company might expect to be told. There will be other implications, too, probably.

The issue of whether it bothers you - yes, I think you need to think about whether this is what you want and if it's good for your family.

He could have 10 properties in his name that he pays council tax, utilities and insurance on, it doesn’t mean he’s living in them. He’s literally living in the ops house, only leaving to go to work and see his kids twice a month. That’s hardly being a ‘regular visitor’.

WaterBottle123 Mon 26-Jul-21 14:15:40

Yes he has.

SwanShaped Mon 26-Jul-21 14:18:51

How come you don’t go to his? Or do you?

blackandwhite1 Mon 26-Jul-21 14:22:38

I have my DC most of the time which is why I don't go to his that often. Plus he rents a house with his cousin so might be a bit awkward if I was there all the time.

No he doesn't cook or pay for groceries. Starting to see what my friend was hinting at now...

OP’s posts: |
PanamaPattie Mon 26-Jul-21 14:23:11

Yes.

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