Fuck fuck fuck someone speak to me please

(434 Posts)
RozHuntleysLeftHand Sun 25-Jul-21 23:42:27

My fucking worst nightmare has just been fucking realised and its really bizarre and I am freaking the actual fuck out.

Too much to put in one post....I cant fucking think straight.

A while ago I posted that "D"p hencforth known as Lying Cunt Face had been talking to his ex behind my back.
(been together 12 years, 1 DC age 9, they have 2 DC both in their 20s)

He touted the idea of taking DS to visit his frail, elderly mum this week, with the DSC, great I get a break, plus he also pushed that as it was my Nans funeral last week and I was miserable, that it would give me a chance to heal.

For some reason I was suspicious that ex would be going, but I told myself I was being crazy paranoid, I don't even know why I suspected but I fucking did.

Well it turns out I was fucking right.

I got suspicious cos despite repeated requests to let DS call me/ just text me I got no reply. (and who fucking does that anyway? I just wanted a quick call at bed time ffs)

So eventually I get a call, and DS lets slip the girls Mum is fucking there.

DP refuses to discuss it and says "I knew you'd be like this which is why I didn't tell you".

Well fucking yeah!!

If he'd been honest from the start....but even then....

I had to be all bright and breezy on the phone to DS....but I'm fucking shaking and my mental health was already shot and this.....

I want my baby home.

I'm fucking shocked and angry and so so sad.

HELP ME

OP’s posts: |
RozHuntleysLeftHand Sun 25-Jul-21 23:45:12

I feel like I'm losing my actual fucking mind here, like really really fucking stressed and I have no one to turn to at this time.

This is fucking it.

OP’s posts: |
SparrowNest Sun 25-Jul-21 23:45:51

What’s the nature of his secret communication with her? I’d also be angry at the secrecy and dishonesty, but wanting a cordial and even friendly relationship with the mother of some of your children isn’t by definition wrong or a betrayal of your current partner.

Do you have reason to suspect he’s becoming romantically involved with her again, or is it just that they’re talking at all? What’s his explanation for why he hid it from you in the first place?

minipie Sun 25-Jul-21 23:45:54

I’m here for a hand hold if you need one but I don’t understand.

He’s been talking to his ex, who he has two children with? Of course he talks to her, they have shared kids?

Or do you mean talking in a sexual/romantic way… in which case… shit, I’m sorry.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 25-Jul-21 23:46:23

First of all, take a deep breath and calm down. Your son is perfectly fine.

Your partner on the other hand is a lying, probably cheating, shit bag. Pull yourself together as best you can and think about how you want to handle this. Are you married? Who owns the home?

Booboosweet Sun 25-Jul-21 23:46:23

I think you're over reacting abit. Is she just going out on a day trip with them?

Notwavingbutdrowing3 Sun 25-Jul-21 23:46:52

So. Dp took your shared child and his own DC to see his frail mother

I'm not sure what the issue is here? What has upset you? If you told me I could take all my children to see my mum, I might have lied to you if you were a banshee about it to keep the peace Or I might tell you to pack it in

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Notwavingbutdrowing3 Sun 25-Jul-21 23:47:41

If you told me I couldn't take all my children - is what I meant to type!

Awrite Sun 25-Jul-21 23:47:45

Did he explicitly tell you that his ex was not going to be there?

He must have known you'd find out when they all came home.

I take it it's the lying you are angry about rather than the suspicion he's cheated?

virtuallyreal Sun 25-Jul-21 23:47:55

I'm so sorry he's lied and I feel your anguish. Had he lied before? I'm here so please feel free to vent/tell me whatever you want to say.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow Sun 25-Jul-21 23:47:55

You need to calm down , take some dèep breaths.

It is not unreasonable for the mother of his children to go with them to see their grandmother.

The dishonesty is not good . He should have felt comfortable telling you but yourcreactikn is fery extreme. What is your fear? Is he untrustworthy do you think?

AJGranny Sun 25-Jul-21 23:48:21

So are they having a "thing' do you think? Or is it that the ex has a relationship with the mother?

Notwavingbutdrowing3 Sun 25-Jul-21 23:48:28

But if OP is being unreasonable and aggro about it, I'm not surprised he lied for a bit of peace

KingdomScrolls Sun 25-Jul-21 23:49:36

So he's met up with the mother of his children, is she just there because they are? If it's his mum that's unwell that's their grandma. I wouldn't like the keeping it from me, but then I'd be unlikely to have such a strong reaction. There are divorced couples in my family who are really amicable, now have adult children but not unusual to see them at family occasions etc, so I've probably got a skewed view. Is there anything you suggest anything untoward has happened/been said? If you've been together twelve years, they've been apart longer than that.

PineappleWilson Sun 25-Jul-21 23:49:37

Hand holding until someone more knowledgeable arrives. Can you think of any rational reason why his ex is there? Does she have an o goi g relationship with his mum, independant of him? Agree that it's "odd" not to let your DC call you at bedtime. Do you have a wall to throw cushions against and shriek like a banshee?

SezziBaybee Sun 25-Jul-21 23:49:46

Ok first up it sounds like you've had a really horrible time recently. Here for a handhold and sending lots of love to you.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect that DP won't be in contact with his ex considering they have children together. What does matter is the here and now and that is the life he has built with you, your son and his children.

I would urge you to consider that perhaps you might be feeling insecure- unless of course you believe that their contact is not platonic and something more. Xx

VioletVesper Sun 25-Jul-21 23:51:13

OP it might be worth linking your previous thread to give context so we can help?

RozHuntleysLeftHand Sun 25-Jul-21 23:52:04

The kids are in their late 20's.
He has literally no reason to talk about them with her, they are doing great and communicate with him plenty.

He was making time for her (from the texts I accidentally saw a while ago) when he was not even talking to me about DS during the day.

He's been fucking weird and distant for a while now, but for various reasons I shrugged it off.

Who fucking lies like that unless theres a massive reason???

Who takes their ex on holiday and then doesn't tell their current partner??

How do I fucking cope until DS gets home??

What the fuck do I do then.

I'm fucking shaking it's all so fucking mental.

I never believed it, but turns out my gut instinct was right

OP’s posts: |
Starjammer Sun 25-Jul-21 23:52:23

Is there any reason to believe there's anything sinister going on? It seems unlikely they're up to anything dodgy if your son is also there. I don't think just because they've gone to a family member's house together with the kids that means there's anything weird going on. In your 12 years together, have you ever had reason to believe they are having any kind of affair?

You suggested in your post that even he had told you, you wouldn't have liked it. Why not?

catfunk Sun 25-Jul-21 23:53:17

Sorry op I think you need to take a breath..... do you think he's cheating on you ? At his mums house in front of the kids?

Starjammer Sun 25-Jul-21 23:53:51

Is his mum close to her?

LuluJakey1 Sun 25-Jul-21 23:54:04

Your son is fine and will be home soon- nothing is going to happen to him.
LCF needs to be dumped I think. It is a horrible thing to do and he put your son in an awful position by not telling you and expecting him to keep quiet. There is no good reason at all for his ex to go away with him and their two adult children to visit his mother for a week.

ShesComeUndone Sun 25-Jul-21 23:54:15

I’m confused is he cheating? I know lots of divorced women who are still friends with their ex mother-in-laws so she might have just wanted to visit too. You sound like you might be jumping to conclusions. Has he cheated before? I could understand if it was a new woman he was taking to see his mum but this is his ex-wife and with all the children in tow!

RozHuntleysLeftHand Sun 25-Jul-21 23:54:28

Why lie though??

Why be all weird and distant for ages then take your ex to see your mum?
She's perfectly capable of seeing them herself?

He's playing happy familys on the fucking beach as well with my son and his ex.

OP’s posts: |
SezziBaybee Sun 25-Jul-21 23:55:08

RozHuntleysLeftHand

The kids are in their late 20's.
He has literally no reason to talk about them with her, they are doing great and communicate with him plenty.

He was making time for her (from the texts I accidentally saw a while ago) when he was not even talking to me about DS during the day.

He's been fucking weird and distant for a while now, but for various reasons I shrugged it off.

Who fucking lies like that unless theres a massive reason???

Who takes their ex on holiday and then doesn't tell their current partner??

How do I fucking cope until DS gets home??

What the fuck do I do then.

I'm fucking shaking it's all so fucking mental.

I never believed it, but turns out my gut instinct was right


You are jumping to conclusions. You need to wait until he gets home and speak to him, adult to adult about why he didn't tell you she would be there.

If it is that he knew you would react badly, then ask yourself why.

I am from a broken home and have minimal contact with one of my parents. My parents cannot stand each other, but they still keep in touch. For context. I am in my mid thirties! Be kind to him unless he has given you reason to doubt him.

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