I'm leaving my narcissistic partner. 2 kids, I'm leaving the family home. We have agreed on the finances & childcare and I was hoping for an amicable split so as not to distress the children too much but it looks like I'm in for a rocky ride.
He is a pathological liar, but he genuine believes his own lies so it makes trying to reason with him impossible. He lies about me to me so I know he does it, but I'm mortified by what he could be saying about me to others.
Everything he accuses me of are things he is guilty of himself which I understand is classic narcissistic projection. The injustice of it all is tearing me apart. I'm remaining silent and not defending myself/ shouting my truth as I know it only makes things worse. Was hoping others that have left similar types of people can tell me they fall flat on their face in the end?
BTW I've changed my username, long time poster.
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Relationships
How did you survive the smear campaign
batteredsoul · 22/07/2021 18:16
You'll find it hurts and the inability to stop it hurts as much if not more. You just have to keep your chin up and trust that those who matter know you well enough to know he's talking out of his bum 
@batteredsoul I saw a message from my ex's mother calling me savage.
And a heap of him lying about me taking his money.
Even when I had to report him to the police the lies he told while he was still trying to send me messages to get back with me 
I learnt to block it all out. I knew the truth, my family & friends knew.
And people like that will always lie.
Work on you. Work on cut out the rubbish, remember that what ever you say is never getting through, you are talking to a wall. The only time it does seem like they understand is when they can use it.
Pretending to understand what your saying to get you to forgive etc.
Also for me two months later the song I am Savage it the chats so that made me laugh.
You will be fine but please get some help, managing to block out the noise from his issues
@batteredsoul I wouldn't necessarily be so sure about him being well liked. My horrible and (I suspect) narc ex was, I thought, very charming, jovial and very well liked. But after the split our friends pretty much migrated towards me. Including his friends from secondary school who I'd obviously known for a far shorter time.
I just decided from the moment he left me that I needed to be faultless and handle things with grace. This wasn't particularly because I was feeling noble (he left me in horrific circumstances) but because I was scared that anything I said or did he would take as an opportunity to act out revenge times 100 on me.
It is hard. So so hard. But the people who matter will know the truth about you and the rest don't matter. Concentrate on making a good life for yourself and gradually you will care less and less whatever nonsense he's spewing.
Recently my ex has really ramped things up after splitting with his girlfriend (presumably he decided I could take her place in his firing line). He has told people that he's taking me to court for years of emotional abuse and controlling behaviour and getting full custody, told me that the kids' school were reporting concerns about me to social services (the school confirmed they've never had any contact with him and certainly don't have any concerns about my parenting), hes going to have me arrested for breaking covid rules at Christmas (his logic being that as I had covid over Christmas the only way I could have caught it was if I'd been breaking the rules. I mean....I work for the NHS for a start).....I could go on! A few years ago all this would have sent me into a tailspin. Now I find it quite amusing and laugh at him with my best friend. You'll get there too, honestly.
If you're really struggling though then some counselling could be helpful. Perhaps look at the Freedom Programme, it's still helpful even if your abusive relationship is over. Best of luck 
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