How to find a therapist that can fix me

(17 Posts)
Wh2mval Thu 22-Jul-21 13:33:45

I have suffered with anxiety and depression for about 12 years. I used to take medication but I stopped due to the side effects. Luckily the NHS paid for me to have CBT for a few months and I liked my therapist very much. Although I felt that it didn’t really help. She was trying to explain to me how I can limit the anxiety but it’s just not worked unfortunately. I then booked some counselling via my GP and I stopped after 3 sessions. The therapist was expecting me to pour my heart out and then would say okay now time is up, il see you next week. I was coming away from the sessions in tears after bringing everything up and with no advice or solutions. She told me that they only offer around 8 sessions anyway on the NHS. Does anyone know exactly how I can hire a therapist with my own money who can change my thought process and help me to overcome previous trauma and difficult life circumstances? I just feel that the last therapist wasn’t giving me anything back, just listening to me.

OP’s posts: |
AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 22-Jul-21 13:36:44

Have a look at the BACP website as a starting point.

Treat them like candidates for a job interview and ask lots of questions before you commit to working with any one person. These people are like shoes, you need to find someone who fits in with your approach.

EBearhug Thu 22-Jul-21 14:15:59

I went through BACP's find a therapist site - you can search by location, by cost and also by specialism, e.g. therapy type (I wanted a talking therapy, rather than CBT, but there are still various philosophies, which may or may not matter to you) and also area, e.g. grief, eating disorders, relationships, etc.

So I think you need to think about what you want to achieve and then do your search, and treat it like Attila says, like a job interview.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut Thu 22-Jul-21 14:29:17

A therapist can't fix you. You have to do it, its not a treatment where you just sit there and let the doctor have to do all the hard work, they are more a guide who asks the right questions to help you come to your own solutions.

ClumpingBambooIsALie Thu 22-Jul-21 14:31:34

Sounds like you need something a little more solution-focused. If you can afford to see a clinical psychologist that might be better.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity Thu 22-Jul-21 14:38:51

What is it you want a therapist to do, specifically?

No other human being can fix you. They can hold your hand while you fix yourself, and give you self-fixing techniques to try, and help you understand the specific nature of your brokenness. But you have to do the fixing work.

Umberellatheweatha Thu 22-Jul-21 15:15:26

You might be better off just googling technique suggestions.

As pp said,no one else can fix you.


QuentinBunbury Thu 22-Jul-21 15:18:55

Yeah I'd suggest a clinical psychologist too, look for one that mentions compassion focussed techniques.
The clinical psychologists have more qualifications and use evidence based techniques.

Flamingo49 Thu 22-Jul-21 15:26:41

Hi OP, I would also recommend a clinical psychologist if you can afford it. They will do a very thorough assessment and initial formulation of your individual circumstances. A formulation is the way a psychologist makes sense of your difficulties based on your past and present experiences, vulnerability factors, relationships etc. You will need to identify goals for therapy, and the therapist will support you to work towards those. You mention anxiety and depression but it may be that during your assessment it becomes clear that underlying trauma needs to be addressed (for example), which will direct the course of your therapy and the therapeutic approach required. Clinical psychologists usually specialise in a particular area of interest, which should help you narrow the search down a bit.

irritableshark Thu 22-Jul-21 16:39:20

A therapist can have all the qualified in the world but if the 'relationship' isn't there then progress is unlikely. This is why interviewing a few is a good idea but also a relationship can take a few sessions to build. It can take a few therapists to find the right fit for you.

Here are a few models that could be helpful for you - you mention trauma so have a read about EMDR. It sounds peculiar but has a solid NICE approved evidence base.

CFT as someone has mentioned.
DBT you don't have to have borderline personality disorder to have this and it can help to regulate emotions.

You sound as though you have had PCT at the the GP surgery. It's a great model but 8 sessions are often nowhere near enough. Ideally the therapist should practice some grounding techniques before you leave, so that don't leave distraught.
CAT is a model practices usually by v qualified clinicians.

I'm sorry about all the acronyms. It would be too lengthy to explain what it all means but if you google them perhaps one of those models will chime with you. Therapy is expensive, go for one with a strong evidence base.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 22-Jul-21 16:45:54

As a therapist I also apart from the good advice above think you've had too few sessions.

Pick someone you like and try longer with a psychotherapist/counsellor who does medium to long term work


TheFoundations Thu 22-Jul-21 18:14:52

I would suggest that the belief that you are broken is the only thing that needs fixing...

Hen2018 Thu 22-Jul-21 18:21:06

EMDR will soon go the way of acupuncture, with very little evidence to support it.

I’m also personally unconvinced of CBT in cases of trauma.

Hen2018 Thu 22-Jul-21 18:23:41

Wh2mval Thu 22-Jul-21 18:36:06

Thank you it’s very helpful to see everyones views I will look into some of the suggestions.

OP’s posts: |
YarnOver Thu 22-Jul-21 19:14:14

No one can fix you. However good they are. They can only walk the journey with you and guide you to help you find and fix yourself.
So you need someone both knowledgeable and who you get along with and feel confident and comfortable speaking to. Which I know is tricky! BACP is the website as has been mentioned and you can call people to get a feel for them and if you can work together.

But don't go into this search hoping to find someone to "fix" you as that is never going to be a possibility.

Misty9 Thu 22-Jul-21 19:24:28


I would suggest that the belief that you are broken is the only thing that needs fixing...

I would also agree with this. You might find Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helpful as the focus is on accepting yourself and living life in line with your values. Books like the happiness trap explain this approach well and there are lots of resources on the accompanying website too.

It took me a long time, and therapy (systemic in my case) but I finally do believe that maybe, just maybe, I'm not broken... flowers

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