@HelenHywater
The root of the problem is just that he's eating too much. But HE has to decide to eat less - all of these posts putting the onus on the woman to buy healthy food. He needs to decide.
I do get it - I don't see why you have to continue to find people attractive just because you're married to them. It's the person inside blah blah blah. My exH used to put on weight round his belly and it's really unattractive.
Anyway OP, I think you can't sneak around, you have to find a way to have a kind, sensitively worded conversation with him, if that's possible. And for those posters that would come on and say LTB to a man who says the same about his wife, I kind of agree with their view too. You don't have to stay attracted to someone no matter what they look like.
Whilst I agree if someone is not taking care of themselves and doesn’t want to make any effort it can point to big problems and the husband or wife is not obligated to be attracted . This is not always the case though
I think the major issue with many men online complaining about their wives changing bodies is that they compare them to completely unrealistic. Ideal . For example , it’s normal for many women to carry a few extra pounds after having children . I’m not talking about obesity but look at any midwifery book or medical journal and you’ll see a Permanent small gain is normal for many women .
And yea many men complain . Not just about this but about this other changes that come with pregnancy such as breast or skin elasticity changes so no I don’t think it’s just a matter of ‘ not needing to stay attracted to someone ‘ and I do feel often people unfairly give men more permission to behave in extremely shallow ways . Many men are like this I suspect because they watch way too much porn and expect their wives to remain forever young and unaffected by pregnancies , children etc
Perhaps if a person has an expectation that their partner never change physically they need to say so before marriage and considering this will be almost always harder for a woman to do , most omen may reconsider marrying a man like that
However , the op is not talking about the types of minor or unavoidable changes many men complain about . She is talking about something that the husband can have much more control over and he should be open to considering her needs
Also I think what some people have said here may be true , is there an element of comfort eating or depression at play