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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Husband Taking Trip With Other Women??

339 replies

jennnn4444 · 21/07/2021 16:13

My husband has gotten involved in boxing classes over the past year and the place he takes classes is having a getaway/retreat for 4 days away where they will "do a lot of boxing and fun stuff too". There are about 10-15 people attending (half are women, several women are recently divorced). I do not know these women personally, but from things I've seen and heard they enjoy partying, drinking, and going out a lot. They will share a house with a hot tub for 3-4 nights.

I trust my husband and can't see him cheating, but at the same time I worry that he's putting himself in dangerous territory going away for a long weekend, spending every waking hour with these people, and staying in a house with single women and alcohol.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:

Report

spotcheck · 21/07/2021 16:17

Are all 15 sharing a house?

Lakeshore6 · 21/07/2021 16:17

Now your husband may well be trusted and that’s fine. His morals with be upheld .

But having done a hobby retreat exactly like this several times, I agree with your concerns….

Iamblossom · 21/07/2021 16:19

Your post reads as if you trust him unless he is in "dangerous territory with flirty women and booze and he won't be able to control his primal urges".

You either trust him or you don't.

Let him go and have a good time.

jennnn4444 · 21/07/2021 16:19

@spotcheck yes they will all share one house

OP posts:

Hanger0n · 21/07/2021 16:22

Is he the only man going?

Badhabits1 · 21/07/2021 16:23

I would not be happy personally.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 21/07/2021 16:25

What do you mean by dangerous territory? That he will be assaulted or that he won't be able to control himself?

FFSFFSFFS · 21/07/2021 16:25

God yes because you know what single women who drink alcohol are like - tarts the lot of them. They'll be throwing themselves at your irresistible husband who can hardy to be to blame if he does anything.

Single women should only be allowed to go on vegan yoga retreats with other women.

jennnn4444 · 21/07/2021 16:30

@Iamblossom I see what you're saying and I struggle with that as well - in the sense that I have always completely trusted him and the fact I'm questioning that at all bothers me.

I think in general, he is not the type of person who would ever cheat, but anyone who puts themselves in a certain situation where there is a lot of temptations plus alcohol plus women you are already friendly with and growing closer to because of the purpose of the retreat....I guess I could see anything happening at that point. And is that even appropriate for a married man in the first place?

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 21/07/2021 16:31

It's a bad idea.

jennnn4444 · 21/07/2021 16:32

@Lakeshore6 what was your experience on these retreats?

OP posts:

cosmicbabe · 21/07/2021 16:32

Doesn't matter the situation. If someone wants to cheat they will.

PeskyRooks · 21/07/2021 16:33

You either trust him or you don't. That's all there is to it. You can't stop him going that would be unreasonable. If he goes and cheats you will have to decide what to do it's as simple as that.

Mintjulia · 21/07/2021 16:33

FFSFFSFFS

mindutopia · 21/07/2021 16:36

I think going away in a mixed sex group is fine. It's not like someone who is not inclined to cheat will just magically fall into someone's vagina because there are alcohol and vaginas around. If he is inclined to do it in that situation, he's already inclined to do it and that's what I'd be more concerned about.

That said, would dh want to go on a mixed sex holiday with randoms from the gym? No, he would think that was a bit weird and uncomfortable just because it seems like quite an intense experience with people that are more acquaintances than friends. It would seem fine if it was genuinely a group of friends rather than just people from the gym.

ReallyATiger · 21/07/2021 16:40

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this either.

But why on Earth do you think divorced women are more of a threat than married women? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Divorced women are more likely to be looking for a single man to have a proper relationship with rather than having an affair where they are effectively used for sex by a married man!

countrygirl99 · 21/07/2021 16:43

You either trust him.or you don't. My DH goes on training camps for his hobby and over half the participants are women. 🤷‍♀️

PleasurePrinciple · 21/07/2021 16:45

@FFSFFSFFS

God yes because you know what single women who drink alcohol are like - tarts the lot of them. They'll be throwing themselves at your irresistible husband who can hardy to be to blame if he does anything.

Single women should only be allowed to go on vegan yoga retreats with other women.

And if they're gay, they just have to stay at home in perpetuity drinking wheatgrass shots and self-flagellating alone.

FFSFFSFFS · 21/07/2021 16:54

Are you also maybe a bit worried that your husband might be going away and having a healthy and fun weekend doing exercise and indeed maybe socialising and that you aren't?

Honestly, some of these posts are insane. Your husband is a member of a boxing club that he enjoys and that is having a fun weekend away doing the sport with a group of like minded people. The end.

Allgreyeverything · 21/07/2021 16:56

If I’m honest I wouldn’t even trust myself if I was left in one house for a long weekend of boozing with a few blokes from my boxing gym...

audweb · 21/07/2021 16:57

Us divorced women are the worst. Didn’t like our own husbands so clearly need to sleep with other peoples.

You either trust him or not. It won’t be the woman’s fault if he cheats.

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 21/07/2021 17:00

I wouldn’t like it either and I trust my husband implicitly. It’s about respect-would I like to be at home caring for our children while my husband got drunk with women I didn’t know in a hot tub? Maybe I’m not cool wife enough but no, that wouldn’t be ok with me and it doesn’t at all mean I don’t trust him. These situations aren’t black and white like that. You can trust someone but still want to feel like you and your marriage are respected.

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Janaih · 21/07/2021 17:03

Ex boxing coach here. I guarantee there will be shenanigans.

NiceGerbil · 21/07/2021 17:08

You're being ridiculous.

Mixed groups can go away together and yes even get pissed without it become a hedonistic orgy.

You either trust him or you don't.

FFSFFSFFS · 21/07/2021 17:13

Well sure of course there might be shenanigans! But that doesn't mean it will be some free for all sex orgy that her husband has to participate in.

If he's going to cheat he will do so regardless of a boxing weekend.

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