I’ve just done something really nasty haven’t I?

(313 Posts)
Latenightfeelings Tue 20-Jul-21 03:32:28

My ex and I split a year and a half ago, right before the first lockdown and have stayed in contact ever since. Sometimes it was good contact other times we would argue but we always remained in contact. Neither of us found new relationships but both have seen people on and off.

Anyways, around two months ago ex and I started seeing each other casually, nothing official but spending time together and we slept together a couple of times. One of these times resulted in a pregnancy (I had the implant, which had come out of place) so although we assumed we were protected we were not. I was single at the time and thought ex was as well.

We ultimately decided against keeping the pregnancy and decided to terminate. Ex has been mostly supportive as much as he can, and has stayed around a lot before appts and been here a lot emotionally. And please do not judge, but we have slept together again yesterday. It’s been atrocious, a medical abortion followed by a D and C and lots of intervention surgically and emotions are really high.

Anyways, ex and I have not discussed one bit about getting back together but have been sleeping together etc and are going through this- and this is where I’ve been nasty and really regret what I’ve done.

Early this morning,1am, ex was lying next to me and his phone kept going off all night. It was so irritating and he sleeps through a hurricane. I picked it up and on the screen were messages from a girl, and even though I shouldn’t, I clicked on it and read a little through the thread.

He’s told her he was working away and missed her, couldn’t wait to see her and was sorry he was late because his car had broke, obviously all lies. But for some reason this triggered me, and I don’t know if it’s because we’d just slept together or what but I replied to her telling her the truth sad I’ve desperately tried to delete it but its an iMessage and I can’t get it back.

I know when ex awakens he will be furious. And I don’t know what to do. We are in our 30’s so not bloody teenagers!

OP’s posts: |
HeartIess Tue 20-Jul-21 03:35:32

He’s a douche
Serves him right
Blame it on the hormones and get him out of your life

undecided2022 Tue 20-Jul-21 03:35:50

Yikes. Well I'd have done the same so not sure what advice to give. Someone will be along shortly I'm sure.

CrazyNeighbour Tue 20-Jul-21 03:37:36

So what if he is furious. He’s a shit person and deserves it.

Maybe see if you can get her number and text in a day if two. You didn’t know he was seeing someone else.

YukoandHiro Tue 20-Jul-21 03:38:06

Heartless is right. He's treated you both badly. Kick him out and move on with your life.

Monty27 Tue 20-Jul-21 03:41:26

Good for you.
Sorry you had to go through what you did and sorry for you that you trusted him.
He deserves it.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 20-Jul-21 03:42:09

You should have never gotten back together with him, so this is for the best. Get rid of him once and for all.

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bullyingadvice2017 Tue 20-Jul-21 06:44:47

He's the nasty one. Kick his sorry ass to the kerb
Bucket of water should wake the sleepy boy up. Get him out of your bed and house. Loser

5475878237NC Tue 20-Jul-21 06:49:45

This is for the best. Raise your standards!

elsaesmeralda Tue 20-Jul-21 06:51:03

I agree he deserves it. Who cares if he's furious ? You've been through a lot physically lately and he's messaging other girls !

smudgemylife Tue 20-Jul-21 06:53:19

Sod that you've done the right thing there. Send him on his merry way in the morning and focus on this next chapter in your life.
You've had a lucky escape! So what if he is furious? He's a muppet who has no respect for you.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit Tue 20-Jul-21 06:53:47

Good!

girlmom21 Tue 20-Jul-21 06:55:05

You've done the right thing

AdelindSchade Tue 20-Jul-21 07:00:24

You need to get this twat out of uour life now.

Bluntness100 Tue 20-Jul-21 07:01:17

Hang on, how has she done the right thing? Thr op and him are not back together, there is no relationship. It’s just casual sex. And the op doesn’t know the deal with the other woman, if they are exclusive or not.

So no of course the op hasn’t done the right thing, she’s searched his phone, read his messages then ended whatever was going on with the woman. It wasn’t the right thing.

Op he’s going to know. So you will need to come clean with him. And yes this time it’s over.

rantymcrantface66 Tue 20-Jul-21 07:04:00

Bluntness100

Hang on, how has she done the right thing? Thr op and him are not back together, there is no relationship. It’s just casual sex. And the op doesn’t know the deal with the other woman, if they are exclusive or not.

So no of course the op hasn’t done the right thing, she’s searched his phone, read his messages then ended whatever was going on with the woman. It wasn’t the right thing.

Op he’s going to know. So you will need to come clean with him. And yes this time it’s over.


That's kind of contradicting your own point. As you say we don't know the deal and they may not be exclusive so it could make no difference. The fact he lies suggests otherwise in which case she has done the right thing to alert this woman who deserves to know now she's with a complete pig.

ObviousNameChage Tue 20-Jul-21 07:08:17

He's a liar and a cheat, you deserve better than this. That other woman does too.

End it and move on.

stellaisabella Tue 20-Jul-21 07:10:03

I agree with @Bluntness100 I'm afraid confused

dryasaboner Tue 20-Jul-21 07:10:35

Where's your anger over this? Never mind how he reacts when he wakes up think about getting him gone when he wakes up!

Bythemillpond Tue 20-Jul-21 07:15:51

He was an ex for a reason

Kanaloa Tue 20-Jul-21 07:16:57

If he wasn’t exclusive with the other girl then why is he saying his car broke down? He’s pretty obviously cheating on the other girl. And if he isn’t, and it’s an open relationship, then op’s text telling the other lady won’t be a surprise to her at all.

Either way op, I presume you’re hurt because you wanted to get back together with him? If you’ve been arguing on and off it’s probably not the best idea. Cut the ties and move on cleanly.

BriocheForBreakfast Tue 20-Jul-21 07:19:18

So let me get this right. He's cheating and lying to a new GF and lying by omission to you too because he hasn't told you about new GF but you're the nasty one? Nah! Give him a bollocking and kick him out. He's a nasty piece of work.

milcal Tue 20-Jul-21 07:20:11

Don't feel bad. He is the one who is cheating. Youve done her a favour before she gets in too deep. She won't realise it yet though.

As others have said ditch him and move on. Don't go back. Good luck 🤞🏻

CloseYourEyesAndSee Tue 20-Jul-21 07:22:21

Who have you been nasty to? Her? Him?
It was silly, a bit childish but doesn't matter that much, as long as you understand you have damaged the 'friendship/relationship' whatever you had together and now need to stop sleeping together.

33feethighandrising Tue 20-Jul-21 07:23:59

Bluntness100

Hang on, how has she done the right thing? Thr op and him are not back together, there is no relationship. It’s just casual sex. And the op doesn’t know the deal with the other woman, if they are exclusive or not.

So no of course the op hasn’t done the right thing, she’s searched his phone, read his messages then ended whatever was going on with the woman. It wasn’t the right thing.

Op he’s going to know. So you will need to come clean with him. And yes this time it’s over.

Oh Bluntness you do love sticking the boot in, don't you.

Lying to women like that is the sign of an arsehole. Plus, looks like he's having unprotected sex (as in no condom) with the OP so he should be telling her if he's having sex with someone else or at least using a condom, else he's putting the OP's health at risk.

Looks like two women have had a lucky escape.

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