I'd love a good friend

(129 Posts)
toadstool32 Sat 10-Jul-21 20:24:46

I can't believe I'm saying this. How embarrassing. But I would love a really good friend. I've got a few people I could call acquaintances and get on with work colleagues but I would love nothing more than a true friend.

I'm 33, married with two kids. I had my first daughter at 22 and I think that was the crux. I lost my friends at the time as I was home with a baby whilst they were out all the time. I never fitted into the mum scene at the time because I was on average a decade younger than the rest and I was made to feel rather ostracised. I had my second daughter at 26.

I work full time. I genuinely think I'm a kind person and fun! I just rarely get the opportunity to show it as well, I don't have any friends. Birthdays are hard as year on year I have a special dinner with my family but I'd love a few friends to do something with. I've never been a bridesmaid but I'd love that! Small examples but you get the gist.

I've tried joining some hobbies to meet people and I'm involved with school mums but they're very clicky and my face doesn't fit.

God what a pity post!! For anyone who's read without thinking "sad cow", thank you!

OP’s posts: |
Bibbetybobbityboreoff Sat 10-Jul-21 20:35:19

Hi @toadstool32 I think it's common for a lot of us to feel like this, you certainly aren't alone or a sad cow smile

I believe there's an app where you can meet like-minded people. Although I can't remember the name of it.
Where abouts do you live?

Umberellatheweatha Sat 10-Jul-21 20:35:23

Funily enough I was just thinking exactly the same thing. I'd rather have a good pal than a partner. I was just watching buffy the vampire slayer thinking 'wouldnt it be nice to have a willow and a Xander' (2 close friends).

Making acquaintances is one thing but I'd love someone I could just call on a saturday and be like 'fancy a movie night?' And they'd be like 'sure, I'll over in an hour'.

I think growing up in the 'Friends' generation set the bar a bit high lol.

Umberellatheweatha Sat 10-Jul-21 20:36:37

There is the bumble app. But ppl dont tend to want to meet rn with the covid situation and convos tend to peeter out I found.

toadstool32 Sat 10-Jul-21 20:37:49

Yes the friends generation exactly! How id love to have someone who just pops over for an impromptu coffee or sod it, let's go out!

I'm in Surrey / London border smile

OP’s posts: |
Echobelly Sat 10-Jul-21 20:37:52

You're not alone OP. I was thinking of posting something about how I often feel a bit of an outsider in any group or workplace. Some people seem to be able to join a group and straightaway they're messaging one another and meeting up socially and I just don't know how they do it.

I know I do have some friends who are pleased to see me and I do make an effort with them, I don't just wait for people to come to me, but I just couldn't imagine making a new friend now and I sometimes do wish I had someone I could call for the drink at the drop of a hat or whatever (when that sort of thing is doable) and have a close and confiding relationship with, but I don't see that happening.

Inthesameboatatmo Sat 10-Jul-21 20:38:34

You are not alone and you are not a sad cow .
Have you thought about volunteering?
I think I there is an app called bumble friends that might be worth a try .

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romdowa Sat 10-Jul-21 20:44:27

I feel the exact same. Since getting chronically ill in my early 20s I've struggled to make true friends. I know loads of people and chat to a few but it's all superficial. Currently expecting my first baby and it makes me sad that I've no friends to share the excitement with. There aren't even any baby groups in my small town, so not even much of a chance of making mom friends once the baby arrives. So you definitely aren't alone in how you feel. I often wish I was like my dp , he is happy out not being closely involved with people.

Cabinfever10 Sat 10-Jul-21 20:44:58

I was a lot like you I had my dd at 21 and my ds at 27 oh I'm also autistic so as I'm sure you can imagine making friends is not the easiest but I've found a couple of really good friends through an asd support group.
Just because you haven't found your people yet doesn't mean you won't sometimes it just takes a bit longer

Umberellatheweatha Sat 10-Jul-21 20:53:01

I'm in scotland or I would totally grab a cuppa (or cocktails!) with you. Although funnily enough I want to visit epsom (for a nutty reason that I wont utter here lol) and my place is due to be on the market soon so I was thinking I might rent that way for a bit once it sells. Heaven knows when that'll be though tbf!

Inthesameboatatmo Sun 18-Jul-21 16:27:59

@toadstall32
Just seen where you are in the country, should've looked sooner.
I'm in Surrey

Inthesameboatatmo Sun 18-Jul-21 17:06:49

@toadstall32.

And would happily meet for a coffee if you wanted .

missw1987 Sun 18-Jul-21 17:11:06

I feel the same too smile anyone in west York's? Haha

Fluellablue Sun 18-Jul-21 17:20:39

Ooh me too, and I'm in West Yorkshire, @missw1987!

OP, I think more people feel this way than you realise. I have a few friends, but very very few people that I really feel I can be myself with and feel understood. 'Friends' has definitely misled us grin!

missw1987 Sun 18-Jul-21 21:55:00

@Fluellablue fab!!! Where in the wonderful West Yorkshire are you? (Here's hoping down the road) 😌

GreyerbytheDay Sun 18-Jul-21 22:12:46

I’m also in West Yorkshire @fluellablue @missw1987 !

Came back home after uni and working in London for a bit - my friends are scattered around the country and work/parenthood has made it hard to make new ones back here. Would love to make some good local friends.

Fluellablue Mon 19-Jul-21 22:06:06

Ooh I missed this, @missw1987 and @GreyerbytheDay! I'm in Bradford, and spend quite a bit of time in Huddersfield and Halifax. Are you anywhere near?!

GalaxyGirl24 Mon 19-Jul-21 22:13:44

Another West York's here!

Also OP, I think it just falls that way sometimes for people and is by no means a reflection on you! Some people seem to be able to just click into groups quickly and others can't! I'm a very cautious person so I have friends I've known for years but I'm terrible at making new friends!!!

GalaxyGirl24 Mon 19-Jul-21 22:14:55

Also peanut is another good app for meeting mum friends OP!

FourTurnings Mon 19-Jul-21 22:16:14

I always feel that I’d like more or closer friends. I see depictions of this on TV all the time and hear about others and feel envious.

EarthSight Mon 19-Jul-21 22:18:57

Umberellatheweatha

There is the bumble app. But ppl dont tend to want to meet rn with the covid situation and convos tend to peeter out I found.

I tried that once. It's practically impossible to close your account with them.

EarthSight Mon 19-Jul-21 22:25:05

Not sure if I can help except to say you are not alone. I don't have kids and probably never will, and after moving to a different part of the country, I wonder how on earth I'm going to meet women my own age (30s). They seem to disappear off the face of the planet between the ages of 28 - 45. If you're a mother you probably don't notice this mass disappearance, but it was really apparent to me.

I see them sometimes at weekend events that tends to attract everyone, including families - they're busy with a husband or partner next to them, minding two small children. It's not the type of situation I feel I can or should enter into. 'BUT WHY DON'T YOU JOIN A CLASS!!?'.....some might wonder....except, most people who join classes around here are much, much older than me. Most of them are in their 60s or older.

GreyerbytheDay Mon 19-Jul-21 22:40:52

@Fluellablue I’m Pontefract way.

Single parent, work full time, currently studying for professional qualification - my life is very busy, but I hear other people talking about how they’re meeting such and such for drinks and a catch up and there are times when I think it would be nice to have someone to do that with locally which doesn’t involve diary coordination, a three hour drive and an overnight stay!

IdblowJonSnow Mon 19-Jul-21 23:17:47

I have some good friends but still sometimes feel lonely and would welcome more!

A PP mentioned Halifax, would anyone fancy meeting up at the Piece Hall there sometime?

Twinkletwinklelittlecar Tue 20-Jul-21 04:11:32

What you said really resonates @Echobelly

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