Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

(999 Posts)
Dancerinthemoonlight Sun 04-Jul-21 00:06:59

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP’s posts: |
OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Sun 04-Jul-21 00:14:24

Checking in ❤️

Dirtyduck Sun 04-Jul-21 00:46:31

Checking in, thank you @Dancerinthemoonlight for the new thread.

MrMud and I have been texting all day. Still not getting ahead of myself with this one as I'm fairly sure he's talking to others as well, but really enjoying our chats.

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Sun 04-Jul-21 01:12:40

Great to hear, @Dirtyduck ❤️

Have put my Hinge profile back up and am currently chatting to another Irishman. Fingers crossed that he's better than the last one I matched with ☺️😘

WingingItAtLife Sun 04-Jul-21 03:30:32

Love the new thread title ☺️
@Dirtyduck and @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards fingers crossed for you both x

Eesha Sun 04-Jul-21 06:12:05

Checking in! Thanks for the weight loss tips! Starting today!!!

Heartbeats0708 Sun 04-Jul-21 06:21:29

Checking in, thanks @Dancerinthemoonlight!
Good luck @Eesha losing weight is hard but you've picked a good time to do it. I struggle in the winter when it's cold/dark/miserable. I lose my appetite a bit when it's warm.
Date number 7 (I think) with Mr D today, our 4th time going "out" and I'm having an aaargh what do I wear crisis.
Hopefully they join us soon, I just wanted to echo the great advice from jugglingjobs to troobleflooble about not settling and accepting that it's shit when exes move on so quickly and seemingly happily. I don't especially believe in karma, but i remember hoping desperately that things would go spectacularly tits up for my exdh and the ow.
I remember reading a lot of Chump Lady post-split and it helped.
Also read something along the lines of "the opposite of love is indifference" and I'm pretty much there now. It's taken a long time mind!

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BelladiMamma Sun 04-Jul-21 06:46:26

Checking in

Thanks @Dancerinthemoonlight

bangheadhere40 Sun 04-Jul-21 08:56:28

Checking in...thanks for the new thread.

SortingItOut Sun 04-Jul-21 09:22:06

Thanks for the new thread.

I've just had delivered The Unexpected Joy Of Being Single...I'm not single but thought it sounded interesting.

Also to any newbies I recently read Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl.
It opened my eyes completely about emotional unavailability.
I realise now I am emotionally unavailable and always pick emotionally unavailable men.
With my husband (now ex, we split in 2018) I was a classic Florence and thought I could save him from his past, he was a typical Wounded man.

In my current relationship I am Miss Independent, not sure what Mr K is but he is emotionally unavailable.

Definitely worth a read.

Shayelle2009 Sun 04-Jul-21 09:27:08

Checking in .. love the new thread title!! Hot fun is what we need!!
MrTrades spotted me out yesterday and said I look ‘amazing’… haha so I’m even more looking forward to our date! Which is today.. I will update 💛

WeWantTheFinestWines Sun 04-Jul-21 10:08:38

Thanks for the new thread @Dancerinthemoonlight. Hoping for some hot fun...

I am currently reading The Unexpected Joys of Being Single and while there's some good stuff in there, she does seem to have a lot of amazing friends that can be there for her at the drop of a hat while mine are super busy with work, families, new boyfriends, whatever...

As my nugget was posted on the thread after it went zombie, I'll repeat here that I echo sadness at the thought of people who are not very nice seemingly finding good ones and skipping happily into the sunset, while I have never cheated on anyone, I'm kind and clever and funny and financially independent so why don't I get the sunset?

Then I remember that every date I've had since I was dumped has wanted to see me again. But every one of them would have been me settling. I'm not settling.

I work in healthcare, and I'm in my 50s, so my new test is "could I see myself caring for them if they had a stroke?" 🤣

LuckyLinda3 Sun 04-Jul-21 10:35:00

Good luck today @Shayelle2009, keep us updated!

libertybonds Sun 04-Jul-21 10:35:58

Hello! I've tried to join before (under different usernames) but I just haven't been committed to dating.

I've now found myself on the apps and actually engaging with them a bit more.

I've been messaging with a guy from South Africa who seems really lovely. We agreed to talk sometime, probably will try for today/tonight!

Separately, I'm a single mum and this wasn't prominent on my profile. Recently I told a guy within the first message that I have a daughter (he asked a question that meant I had to), and he said that he wouldn't normally date someone with kids - but then that he's open minded and maybe would give me a chance because I'm intriguing confused . I nicely told him to sod off. He responded that I should put this in my profile so I'm not deceiving people. I did, and now another guy who wanted to chat has disappearedshock

Not sure whether I will have the stomach for dating this time around, but I know this thread will be a great resource if I do wink

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Sun 04-Jul-21 11:11:36

WingingItAtLife

Love the new thread title ☺️
@Dirtyduck and @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards fingers crossed for you both x


Thank you @WingingItAtLife ❤️

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Sun 04-Jul-21 12:27:05

libertybonds

Hello! I've tried to join before (under different usernames) but I just haven't been committed to dating.

I've now found myself on the apps and actually engaging with them a bit more.

I've been messaging with a guy from South Africa who seems really lovely. We agreed to talk sometime, probably will try for today/tonight!

Separately, I'm a single mum and this wasn't prominent on my profile. Recently I told a guy within the first message that I have a daughter (he asked a question that meant I had to), and he said that he wouldn't normally date someone with kids - but then that he's open minded and maybe would give me a chance because I'm intriguing confused . I nicely told him to sod off. He responded that I should put this in my profile so I'm not deceiving people. I did, and now another guy who wanted to chat has disappearedshock

Not sure whether I will have the stomach for dating this time around, but I know this thread will be a great resource if I do wink


@libertybonds that's awful! My best advice is to just ignore those idiots and move on. ❤️ am glad you're chatting to someone nice 🙂

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Sun 04-Jul-21 12:29:09

Hi everyone,

It's going well so far with the guy I'm chatting to. He's not asked me to go to his house yet, so to me, that's a good sign 🙂

He likes action movies, so I think i'll call him Mr. Action ❤️

BelladiMamma Sun 04-Jul-21 12:42:50

WeWantTheFinestWines

Thanks for the new thread *@Dancerinthemoonlight*. Hoping for some hot fun...

I am currently reading The Unexpected Joys of Being Single and while there's some good stuff in there, she does seem to have a lot of amazing friends that can be there for her at the drop of a hat while mine are super busy with work, families, new boyfriends, whatever...

As my nugget was posted on the thread after it went zombie, I'll repeat here that I echo sadness at the thought of people who are not very nice seemingly finding good ones and skipping happily into the sunset, while I have never cheated on anyone, I'm kind and clever and funny and financially independent so why don't I get the sunset?

Then I remember that every date I've had since I was dumped has wanted to see me again. But every one of them would have been me settling. I'm not settling.

I work in healthcare, and I'm in my 50s, so my new test is "could I see myself caring for them if they had a stroke?" 🤣


Love your new test. I'm with you.

BelladiMamma Sun 04-Jul-21 12:51:59

Ok so I'm the most fickle person in the world but I've just ended things with Mr Bear 🐻

He's been very sweet and we've had a lovely time but as the oxytocin from the sex has worn off I've realised that we are really not going to make it long term. He's so clearly looking for 'next wife' and wanting to check in with me all the time that I started to feel suffocated.

I saw him for a walk and when he wanted to hug me I found myself flinching. Not good.

It's ok though I feel I've learnt a lot and we've had nothing but good times together.

In the end I talked to him a bit about my mood being different and feeling like I was torn between all my responsibilities. Then once I got him I realised I didn't want to be with him anymore so I called him, he didn't really want to talk, then I finished things on WhatsApp.

It's all been building a bit I think. The sex was great, his actions always very kind but we had so little in common. I was his only outlet other than work. I've got a much busier, more full life than he has and the cracks were beginning to show. Throw into the mix that he wasn't able to get himself to use condoms so I went back on the pill, which I'd spoken to him about depressing my mood ... I lose my sex drive and don't really see the point of things as we have so little to talk about other than our relationship.

BelladiMamma Sun 04-Jul-21 12:52:48

once I got home not him

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Sun 04-Jul-21 13:12:23

BelladiMamma

Ok so I'm the most fickle person in the world but I've just ended things with Mr Bear 🐻

He's been very sweet and we've had a lovely time but as the oxytocin from the sex has worn off I've realised that we are really not going to make it long term. He's so clearly looking for 'next wife' and wanting to check in with me all the time that I started to feel suffocated.

I saw him for a walk and when he wanted to hug me I found myself flinching. Not good.

It's ok though I feel I've learnt a lot and we've had nothing but good times together.

In the end I talked to him a bit about my mood being different and feeling like I was torn between all my responsibilities. Then once I got him I realised I didn't want to be with him anymore so I called him, he didn't really want to talk, then I finished things on WhatsApp.

It's all been building a bit I think. The sex was great, his actions always very kind but we had so little in common. I was his only outlet other than work. I've got a much busier, more full life than he has and the cracks were beginning to show. Throw into the mix that he wasn't able to get himself to use condoms so I went back on the pill, which I'd spoken to him about depressing my mood ... I lose my sex drive and don't really see the point of things as we have so little to talk about other than our relationship.


@BelladiMamma I'm so sorry. I hope you're feeling ok. Sending you lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

BelladiMamma Sun 04-Jul-21 13:14:17

Thanks @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I hope your new iron is going well.

This is such a life saver sometimes isn't it, this thread

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Sun 04-Jul-21 13:20:02

BelladiMamma

Thanks @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I hope your new iron is going well.

This is such a life saver sometimes isn't it, this thread


Indeed it is ❤️

SpringlikeBunk Sun 04-Jul-21 13:20:33

@BelladiMamma

There's nothing to explain or stress about - you had a good dating couple months with some good memories I hope, like you say maybe you don't want to be "too responsible" for someone new?

when I was younger I didn't really acknowledge the "mental load" aspect of relationships which women often seem to take on, but once you have your own challenges and career and sense of vocation you don't want to add "man" to the list.

Reckon a lot of us on this thread are at a similar stage tbh - it's the whole "blending lives" things that's maybe not so appealing once you have your own stuff going on.

Are you getting back on the apps or having a wee break?

BelladiMamma Sun 04-Jul-21 13:26:20

SpringlikeBunk

*@BelladiMamma*

There's nothing to explain or stress about - you had a good dating couple months with some good memories I hope, like you say maybe you don't want to be "too responsible" for someone new?

when I was younger I didn't really acknowledge the "mental load" aspect of relationships which women often seem to take on, but once you have your own challenges and career and sense of vocation you don't want to add "man" to the list.

Reckon a lot of us on this thread are at a similar stage tbh - it's the whole "blending lives" things that's maybe not so appealing once you have your own stuff going on.

Are you getting back on the apps or having a wee break?


Thanks Spring. So true. I really don't want to be T Shirt shopping with him or reminding him to book his son's swimming lessons. That's just not me; certainly not at the moment

Am having a break because now off to South of France to see the rest of my family, which is much needed. They're very understanding of my life and are a very independent 'plough your own furrow' bloody minded stubborn mercurial French set of people so I will have plenty of fun and support.

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