I just feel like writing down what is going on with me and seeing if there is any advice out there.
I have been married 4 years, together for 14 years. Assumed we would have children and a "normal" family life. I fell pregnant last year immediately after coming off the pill. I surprised myself by feeling absolutely distraught by being pregnant, I just hated it and regretted what I had done. DH admitted deep down he also didn't want a baby so I had an abortion. It was idiotic, stupid and so regretful. Worse time of my life.
A year on I have come to terms with the fact that i dont want children and will have a childfree life. I therefore want to live a free life, full of other joys and adventures. I have the money to do so.
Trouble is DH wants an entirely different life. He wants to stay in and watch TV or play sport. He plays sport all weekend and point blank refuses to do anything else. We never do anything in the evenings because he is tired from sport.He insists on sitting in front of TV all evening and refused to have dinner in the garden with me even once when the weather was nice.
He refuses to see my family because he doesn't enjoy their company, so I always have to see them on my own which makes me feel so sad and embarrassed. He hasn't seen my mum in 4 years and she lives 15 minutes away.
I can't have any friends or family round to the house because he doesn't like the disturbance. I always have to go out to see people.
Last night I said I would like to do something nice for our wedding anniversary and the look on his face, like I had asked him to do something disgusting. He made it very clear he couldn't think of anything worse. I went upstairs and sobbed for hours.
This is not the life I want. I would like the occasional weekend away, a date night once in a blue moon. I can't even tear him away from the TV to sit in the garden with me. I have a boring, quiet, sad life. I don't have children, i should be living a little.
I am not at all afraid to leave him and live alone. In fact, i'm excited! I can invite a friend round for a glass of wine or a BBQ. I might one day meet someone who isn't repulsed at the idea of going out to dinner with me.
I am however very sad, as i do love him.
I just needed to tell someone. I am not ready to tell friends and family just yet, but I will soon. I also have a good counsellor.
Thanks for listening.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Want a different life to my husband
Victoria2220 · 16/06/2021 19:30
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.