Anyone actually enjoy giving BJs?

[Loveandlust]

Sorry to be crass but OH and I are at a point where we've had our 4th baby within the last 6 months and my self esteem regarding my body is pretty low but I'm working on it. We hardly ever have sex and neither of us seem to mind as we're both knackered. However we have talked about it and feel like we probably should make more of an effort. I just cannot bring myself to do all those things like BJs, different positions etc like when I was younger. I'm not sure I ever loved doing those things tbh. When we do have sex it's ok. Is this just tiredness??? Anyone actually enjoy giving BJs? Does the spark cone back??

[StylishMummy]

I don't mind it as long as DH is shower fresh, we basically leap at each other when we're fresh out of the shower
I do it because I love the look DH gives me and how much he enjoys it turns me on. The act itself is fine as I have no gag reflex either...

If you're feeling self conscious could you try different positions so you're less focused on how you look? Also, your DH wouldn't have sex with you if he didn't find you attractive!

[StylishMummy]

Posted too soon;

We had 2 under 18m and I was tandem BFing - but the spark was there for us as DH pulled his weight, told me I looked beautiful and stepped up to be an incredible father and husband - I've found him even more attractive since watching him with our children.

[Goawaymuppet]

Yes. love it

[Treezan82]

I think it is totally normal to go off sex when you've just had a baby, no matter how wonderful your husband is. For me it was breastfeeding - just killed my libido. I was up for missionary position only, once a month maybe, and dh was happy with this as like the both of you, we were knackered! Once I stopped breast-feeding and the baby slept better and things got a bit more back to normal my libido came back with a vengeance!! Honestly I wouldn't worry about it, plenty of time for all that and definitely don't put pressure to do stuff you aren't in the mood for as that will make matters worse xx

[OverByYer]

I don’t like it. Find it demeaning.

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

I think it very much depends on the husband. My exH and I had a great sex life at the beginning and I'd be up for anything and then as he became lazy and selfish and stopped contributing to our life together in the pursuit of his own hobbies I stopped fancying him and sex stopped.
There was no end of whingeing from him about it but I need to love, appreciate and respect someone in order to have a great sex life.
A lazy manchild does not turn me on.

[quicknamechange111111]

@OverByYer

I don’t like it. Find it demeaning.

Out of curiosity, do you not enjoy receiving oral? I just wondered about the demeaning part. Like a PP I enjoy doing it as I love seeing the person aroused but I also enjoy the other way around.

[BobbidyBob]

I like it, like PP said as long as OH is shower-fresh and it’s more his reaction that makes it for me. I enjoy doing something he enjoys so much. I do expect payback afterwards

[XiCi]

Yep, love it. Both of us love oral, giving and receiving.

I'm not surprised you're knackered just after your 4th baby though! Give yourself some time and be kind to yourself

[BobbidyBob]

Oh, and yes - we have 2 kids. It’s definitely harder to find the time but we both prioritise it over other things, as it helps us feel connected.

[MerryDecembermas]

I don't really understand why you would be forced to do anything during sex that you don't want to. In the past you did those things, now it's just not a turn on or something you're interested in any more. You're allowed to change your mind and change what you like in your sex life!

Thinking of the consent cartoons helps, just because you wanted a cup of tea yesterday doesn't mean you have to drink one today

[Farwest]

I think 6 months post 4th dc may be your problem here! Yes, it will probably get better - lots better - if you had a mutually happy sex life before. You're likely shattered. Keep talking to each other and be as loving as you can be.

If you never enjoyed the sex you were having... that's another issue.

[Actuallyabitgreynow]

If you don't enjoy it then don't it.

Me and DP's sex life is based almost exclusively on oral sex and mutual masturbation, it's what works for us and we both enjoy giving and receiving. Penetrative sex happens about once a week but neither of us are as fussed about that.

[MournfulTromboneNoise]

@StylishMummy

Posted too soon;

We had 2 under 18m and I was tandem BFing - but the spark was there for us as DH pulled his weight, told me I looked beautiful and stepped up to be an incredible father and husband - I've found him even more attractive since watching him with our children.

Brilliantly put.

For us it's easier to ignore the tiredness and put some effort into our sex life when time and effort is being put into other aspects of the relationship.

I make his coffee, he fills my glass, I fluff his pillow before bed, he runs my bath. Takes seconds but means a lot.

In regards to blow jobs, absolutely but again, we both enjoy giving and receiving. Is he just expecting and not giving?

[RagzReturnsRebooted]

Yes. But we tend to 69 every time we have sex. Very rarely do BJ without having sex. DH likes to give me at least one orgasm
He has many faults, but sex isn't one of them.
We tend to schedule a maintenance shag for my one day off in the week (he's self employed) so at least we get that and anything else is a bonus. Lock down was tough on our sex life as kids were home all the time.

[SquirrelFan]

I always get a sore throat. It takes a long time, too, we are in our fifties and don't have any type of sex very often. Be it death grip or age, I'm tired by the time it's over! But I do it because piv takes even longer and is uncomfortable at this age-so, lesser of two evils!

[WestendVBroadway]

Didn't read title properly and thought it was a thread about giving Boris Johnson the time of day😜😜😜

[Whatthefucculent]

Yep, I very much enjoy giving. Not so much receiving

[WatieKatie]

I enjoy it however they have to go down on me in return.

[colouringindoors]

I don't enjoy giving BJ OP.

[Loveandlust]

Such interesting responses! To enlighten you all a bit more and I response to some of your questions:

• He is a very loving and attentive husband and father and helps me loads especially where he's been working from home.
• I find him super attractive and he often gives me compliments, we have a lot of time for each other, talk loads, love doing stuff together etc. 💯 Best friends (could this be the issue?)
• If I'm honest I've had 'better' sex with previous partners but they turned out to be horrible people so I'd still rather have my husband that's for sure.
• He's always happy to oblige with oral but I just don't particularly enjoy it, I do think it's a bit of laziness on my part and I could do with putting more effort in 😬
• A possible issue is that I always have to instigate sex and I would prefer it if he just sometimes you know just ravaged me a bit. I did explain this to him but I think that made it worse lol. I just sometimes feel like the only aspect of our relationship where we're not on the same wave length is with sex!

I reckon if I could like a female form of Viagra it would make a massive difference. Me being in the mood (or not being!) feels like the issue here. OH doesn't seem to mind too much either way.

[Loveandlust]

Just to clarify...I enjoy receiving, lazy about giving. Just find it all a bit gross tbh. If I'm really horny nothing is gross. I'm never horny. Or maybe I am one day a month when I'm ovulating or something 🤷

[Fleetw00d]

I feel like my libido has dropped since having a baby, 2 months ago for reference. Although I had c section I found it really painful the first few times and I had to have a lot of foreplay to get into it, which when you're tired and want to get to sleep because baby is sleeping is really not what you want. I also then got a UTI so ruled it out until that cleared up. I've always been very up for BJs with my other half, I wouldn't say I enjoy the act but do enjoy the reaction and since having a baby I've probably been giving them more as I find it easier and quicker than having sex. I really don't feel very attractive at the moment and feel quite self conscious when we have sex, and I'm BF and apparently that makes sex painful, so I think the spark will come back for me when I feel like I look like myself more and when it doesn't hurt. Rather than penetrative sex we've been doing a lot of other things as well as BJs, so I could be giving him one while using a bullet/non penetrative toy. It's quick, tidy so avoiding all that post sex faff and not painful but allows us to connect and be together, to be honest we've always done this a lot and it's a good compromise if you're not feeling sex.

[Couchbettato]

I don't like giving BJs because tbh I don't get anything out of it.

I can't get lost in how my partner is enjoying it when I'm thinking my neck hurts or I've got cramp in my jaw or they want me to keep up a pace that I just don't feel comfortable with.

Also I used to give a lot to my exh, and never received. So now I just feel like it's one sided.

Whenever my exh used to go down on me it felt half arsed and purposefully shit.

But my previous ex bf before him was also shit so I just have a bad experience overall.

[Lan2020]

I love it. I find it a real turn on seeing how turned on my partner is.