I feel terrified and don’t know what to do.

[Litgal]

I am very scared of my daughter who is in her early 20s. However, I need to tell her she needs to leave my property.

I do not live there, but she moved in without my permission because my mother gave her the keys and moved her in there without my knowledge although she knew I wanted to sell it.

She has been very violent and unstable since puberty. She was given all kinds of help and was even given a hostel where her friend lived too. However, she simply left as it wasn’t good enough for her and she didn’t want to stay and wait.

She lives a champagne lifestyle funded by my mother. She doesn’t want to have any responsibilities or to grow up at all.
She said she has Borderline Personality Disorder and I don’t know if this is an official diagnosis or not. She said she read it on the internet.

I don’t know what to do as she threatens me with violence. She has also teamed up with her father who violently abused me. When I left him he stalked me for years and continued to violently attack me in public in the street. He would break in and stand at the end of my bed in the early hours of the morning. I could go on and on about the scary and horrific things he did. He even attacked people who had any association with me. The courts and the police warned me my life was in danger and that he “lacked empathy.”

When she got wind that I wanted to sell before, she drove a good few miles to my home to threaten me. She started kicking my door continuously screaming and shouting. She then started to approach my neighbours and was shouting obscenities about me.
We called the police and she was laughing saying I am going to wait for them.
They took her away and spoke to us. She turned on the manipulative tears to the police.
I have a crime reference number.

My mother called me and berated me for calling the police. I grew up in a very violent home and I was very affected by it, but always tried to soldier on. I ended up seriously ill in hospital last year, which I think was caused by being surrounded by constant bullying.

I have even been too scared to go in the property to take photos.

Can anybody give me any advice or solutions on how I can approach this?

I am terrified.

[Aquamarine1029]

Call the police. Right now. That is your only course of action. Have the police remove her from the property and immediately change the locks.

[Bananalanacake]

Yes, as above, police. She has no legal rights to the house, I assume she's not paying rent.

[maskface212]

OP your daughter is a bully and an abuser, just like her dad. Of course your mother doesn't see it that way as she doesn't know any better and you went on to marry an abuser. Your daughter's self diagnosis is an excuse for her disgusting behaviour.

It's unsurprising you're scared as you are probably suffering PTSD from all this terror.

You can go through the courts to get her removed or get in change the locks and call the police if she trespasses. Get a non molestation order to prevent her approaching you. You can get advice from your local DV organisation, Shelter, the police by dialing 101 or somewhere like Rights of Women/FLOWS.

You need to go low contact with your mum, she's dysfunctional OP.

[Litgal]

How would I explain it to the police? I thought this would be a civil matter, because she has been living there and my mum completely furnished it for her and I think she pretended I was ok with it. My mother is a very domineering woman who trampled on my boundaries all my life. I arranged it all and then told me when it was done.

All her stuff is there.

I am sorry to ask. I am just so scared.

[Elieza]

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

It sounds like she is a squatter. She’s entered the property without your permission. The only permission she had was from your mother who is not the owner of that property.

Read up on your rights and who to contact.

I’d go nc with the two of them tbh. I’m sorry you have this hassle.

[LaBellina]

@Elieza

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

It sounds like she is a squatter. She’s entered the property without your permission. The only permission she had was from your mother who is not the owner of that property.

Read up on your rights and who to contact.

I’d go nc with the two of them tbh. I’m sorry you have this hassle.

^^ this

Also I am very sorry for you OP.
It must be horrible being afraid of your own child.

[maskface212]

This is how I would go about it. I would dial 101 and talk to them about the situation. Write down what you want to say, so that you explain it clearly and ask for advice. It's YOUR property OP and, as such you have the right to change the locks and keep her out. It's trespassing for her to be on your property without your permission.

I know it's your daughter and I know this is hard but these people are walking all over you. If you e

[Boosterfeat]

Did she witness and also live through the violence towards you by her father as a young child?
Not excusing her behaviour now of course, it’s just to query if they have looked at doing any trauma work with her?

[maskface212]

Sorry accidently pressed send.

If you explain to the police that you are frightened which is why it has gone on for so long, they will let you know what your options are. This is domestic abuse. You can contact your local DV organisation for advice in order to keep yourself safe.

If it was me, I'd pay for a delivery van to take all her stuff to your mum's and dump it in her garden and let her deal with it. You are frightened of your mum and need to block her OP. At least for the time being, she sounds abusive.

Another option is to give your daughter notice that she has a month to evacuate the premises. If she turns up at your place (get CCTV with recording) don't answer the door, just call the police. Contact the NCDV about your legal options or contact the orgs I gave you above.

[Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep]

You need a solicitor I'm afraid. Police won't remove her unless she does something unsafe or threatening. You need to evict her I suspect, so you need legal advice.

[Litgal]

Maskface212

My father ridicules me and sneers at me for being afraid. He said to go down there and if I am attacked just take it. Then call the police.

He was a horrible violent abuser to me and my siblings. The only reason I speak to him now is because I was so ill in hospital they thought I was going to die. He helped me with some things but he always has an agenda.

I always go through everything alone and have nobody I can really trust.

I feel I need some support to take action. I seem to be breaking down everyday.

[Litgal]

Oh my mother doesn’t want contact with me anyway.

[maskface212]

@Litgal

Maskface212

My father ridicules me and sneers at me for being afraid. He said to go down there and if I am attacked just take it. Then call the police.

He was a horrible violent abuser to me and my siblings. The only reason I speak to him now is because I was so ill in hospital they thought I was going to die. He helped me with some things but he always has an agenda.

I always go through everything alone and have nobody I can really trust.

I feel I need some support to take action. I seem to be breaking down everyday.

I get it. Then contact your local DV organisation or the National Helpline 0808 2000 247. People who haven't been brought up in an abusive family, don't understand the fear. A DV organisation will support you OP and they'll give you advice.

Go no contact with your family. They all sound awful.

[BlueButtercups]

Start an eviction process now 🌸

[Litgal]

Mask212

Thank you that is good advice.

Beeeeeep

What kind of solicitor and how much would that cost?

[User57327259]

Unfortunately police do not have any understanding that it is unacceptable for anyone to threaten etc women even if that person is a daughter. They only see domestic abuse if it is a husband boyfriend partner attacking the woman.
I hope your police station is more understanding than mine.
It might be better to get an eviction through the courts. I do not know much about this kind of action.
I hope your house is not damaged.
It is probably best to get possession of the house and sell it and move away completely

[Litgal]

Boosterfeat

No I left when she was a baby. The ensuing stalking I tried to keep hidden, but obviously I was living under daily terror.

[Litgal]

My dad said go down there, take some photos; do not tell her I want her to leave, as he said what do you expect her to do, thank you for it.

He said just get an estate agent to go round there and put it up for sale. Won’t she go mad if I do it this way though?

[Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep]

@Litgal

Mask212

Thank you that is good advice.

Beeeeeep

What kind of solicitor and how much would that cost?

A solicitor specialising in housing law and I have no idea I'm afraid

[BlueJag]

I'll auction the house if I were you. It's faster. Change the locks asap and get it sold. Can you get an alarm and cameras in case she tries to break in? You can call the police for breaking and entering.
Your mother it's a vile creature.

[zippityzip]

Squatting is illegal in private premises now. Only commercial is civil.

I would call the police - she's squatting, not paying bills I assume so stealing electricity, if she's put up stuff on the walls etc it's criminal damage, all domestic as well. Let her go mad, cut her off. Get a non-mol against her and your mother. You will do so much better without these people in your life.

[Litgal]

Zippity zip- I got used to the fact that my mother hates me and accepted it a few years ago. I’m the scapegoat.

My mother is very calculated though. She pays the bills for her and funds her flash car. So she doesn’t steal anything. Everything is done behind my back.

My mother has done more outrageous things to me that I can’t reveal on here as it’s too identifying.

I phoned her and said look I need to sell. She said well I’m not playing piggy in the middle it’s your problem now. I said you put her in there behind my back knowing my intentions. She said she doesn’t care and can I please wait till after my daughter attends a nice event before I let her know I want to sell.

[Litgal]

Blue jag

Alarm and cameras sounds good. It’s just going to the property fills me with fear, as I found out that she let my violent ex decorate.

[PinotPony]

You need a litigation solicitor who specialises in tenancy law. Many will do the work on a fixed fee basis. You pay a set amount for them to serve notice, issue possession proceedings, attend a hearing, instruct an enforcement officer etc. Look on the Law Society website or Google Find a Solicitor.

Your family all sound awful.

[bigbaggyeyes]

Find a good solicitor and go via the legal route. If at any point anyone threatens you, ring the police and ring them again and again and again if needed. These people won't stop if they think you'll back down. Don't back down, you have the law in your side. If anyone has furnished or decorated or done anything to your property the. Tough, that's their look out. If they kick off ring the police. Rinse and replete