Boyfriend laughed at me during sex!

(73 Posts)
Canadadarling Wed 12-May-21 02:55:30

Me and my BF generally have a low sex drive, we can do it once a month no problem, but we are currently ttc so we've kind of been made to up our game and do it on the right days. Anyway so this brings us to tonight, the 3rd and final day of sex for my fertile window and we were both tired and not really feeling it but wanted to try anyway to give us the best chances. I sat on top of him and started kissing him but we both couldn't stop laughing together because it felt so awkward and forced so i wasnt sure how to initiate it properly and hes like 'omg youre so awkward have you never initiated this before?' which was fair enough because i wasn't feeling in the mood, but this comment still hurt a little bit.
After we laughed for a bit i got serious and carried on with the kissing, kissing his stomach, moving my hands down.. but each time i could hear/feel him laughing softly. Not a full on laugh but a soft one and it definitely felt like he was laughing at me which got me so upset sad this just set me off and made me feel super embarrassed because why would you laugh at someone in that situation??

Now im completely overthinking things and wondering if hes ever really turned on by the things i do or if he has laughed at me this whole time because of how bad and 'awkward' i am. Plus im already insecure because in his past hes slept with 50+ people and i dont even want to know where i compare on that list, but times like this make me think it must be pretty low :/ Not to mention the fact that we've now missed the last day to BD so i am a wreck hoping we havent screwed up our chances this month. EURGH

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GroovyPeanut Wed 12-May-21 03:07:36

Firstly knock trying to conceive on the head!
You need to work out why you need to asking people on a forum about your relationship, and sex life.
You should be able to ask your partner why he was laughing. Your insecurity around his previous partners etc.
You are planning on having a baby with this guy, yet you sound like you hardly know each other.
Put baby making plans right out of your head, and focus on getting to know each other better, and talk about your lives. You'll hopefully then quash some of your insecurities, and your sex life will hopefully be less awkward.

HidingFromTheChildren Wed 12-May-21 03:14:11

Have you thought that it might be awkward because he's not the right man for you?

I'm awkward, but NEVER with my other half. I never struggle for anything to say & the silences always feel natural.

I would seriously reconsider trying to conceive. Children are for life not just for a relationship.

Canadadarling Wed 12-May-21 03:16:07

@GroovyPeanut sometimes it helps to talk to strangers and people who may have been through the same things, before I can talk to him properly when I'm less emotional. We actually know eachother very well, and I don't deem it relevant to talk to him about his previous partners because A) it's a horrible topic to talk about and B) I'm never not going to feel insecure about my partners exes no matter who my partner was, I think it's a natural emotion. This post was more of a rant about this one particular time

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NiceGerbil Wed 12-May-21 03:16:39

Laughing is a shit thing to do. It really is.

I had similar with an ex when I was young (not TTC) it made me feel like shit. In the end realised that smoking weed meant he had no sex drive. And laughing at me was a way to put it on me not him.
With you he was supposed to 'perform' and I suspect wasn't up for it so was s dick about it too put it on you.

How old are you
How long have you been together

I mean in the end it sounds like neither of you were really up for it.

What you do next really depends on the rest of your relationship.

NiceGerbil Wed 12-May-21 03:17:24

It's fine to post on here. It's what MN is for smile

Canadadarling Wed 12-May-21 03:17:52

@HidingFromTheChildren absolutely not. He is the right man for me 100% and our sex life is amazing. I must not have explained it very well in the post but it was awkward because we were both tired and not in the mood to have sex so I was kind of forcing myself to be sexy and it wasn't working.

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Providora Wed 12-May-21 03:19:03

So you were both laughing at the awkwardness, then you stopped and he didn't. Sounds like he got an attack of the giggles, sometimes you just can't snap out of it however much you want to.

But the pp is right, you don't sound (emotionally) intimate yet and like you fully understand each other, seems risky to be committing to parenthood and an 18y+ relationship just now.

BlackCatShadow Wed 12-May-21 03:19:06

He's had over 50 partners but has a low sex drive? hmm

I think if this is a serious post, then I agree with the others that it's probably best not to TTC with this man.

HidingFromTheChildren Wed 12-May-21 03:20:14

As long as you're sure. What you've put doesn't bode well though for a relationship & a guy wanting sex once a month....hmmm.

Canadadarling Wed 12-May-21 03:21:47

@NiceGerbil it wasn't like a full on laugh but I could tell it was more of a chuckle, however he would tell me Hes not laughing and that what I was doing was good but by that point I didn't believe that sad It was a scheduled session really just for the ttc so that's why it was awkward and we weren't in it 100%. It just makes you feel like crap if you feel like you can't perform well enough

OP’s posts: |
BlackCatShadow Wed 12-May-21 03:21:55

Ok, crossed posts.

Sleep on it. If it's just a weird one-off thing, don't worry about it but it sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on TTC. it's hard to perform under pressure each month.

NiceGerbil Wed 12-May-21 03:22:48

How old are you both and how long together?

That makes a difference to responses.

Canadadarling Wed 12-May-21 03:25:48

@Providora you are right I think he probably just didn't snap out of it as quick as I did so to him he probably didn't mean to laugh but to me I felt like he was laughing at what I was doing. I'm probably overreacting from the stress of ttc as well. I don't know how to emphasise enough that this was a one off and our sex life/ general relationship is great

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Canadadarling Wed 12-May-21 03:27:54

NiceGerbil

How old are you both and how long together?

That makes a difference to responses.


I don't see how this would make a difference to the situation. But we are 30 and have spent 5 years together

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Providora Wed 12-May-21 03:34:07

Canadadarling

*@Providora* you are right I think he probably just didn't snap out of it as quick as I did so to him he probably didn't mean to laugh but to me I felt like he was laughing at what I was doing. I'm probably overreacting from the stress of ttc as well. I don't know how to emphasise enough that this was a one off and our sex life/ general relationship is great

I think from your OP a lot of us got the sense that you're generally unsure of how he feels about you, so it sounded like maybe you're very young and/or the relationship is quite new.

If that's not the case, I'd say it's probably your stress and insecurity blowing things out of proportion in your mind. But you should absolutely feel confident talking to him about it so he understands how you're feeling and can hopefully reassure you flowers

FortunesFave Wed 12-May-21 03:41:54

Sex should include laughter. It's not a serious business. Remove your ego from the situation and it will improve in more ways than one. It's of no use trying to be all serious and sexy...it's real life not a movie.

timeisnotaline Wed 12-May-21 03:47:14

Laughing during sex in a good way is fine but not in a bad way. I have to admit I’m stuck on our sex life is amazing, and we do it once a month. (Plus he’s had lots of partners) Are those statements compatible?

GroovyPeanut Wed 12-May-21 04:12:42

timeisnotaline

Laughing during sex in a good way is fine but not in a bad way. I have to admit I’m stuck on our sex life is amazing, and we do it once a month. (Plus he’s had lots of partners) Are those statements compatible?

No those statements all contradict each other.

Suzi888 Wed 12-May-21 04:27:20

FortunesFave

Sex should include laughter. It's not a serious business. Remove your ego from the situation and it will improve in more ways than one. It's of no use trying to be all serious and sexy...it's real life not a movie.

^ this- if it was a one off occurrence I’d let it go!

Gullible2021 Wed 12-May-21 04:39:50

My gut instinct was that it’s a classic case of projection,

Based on an ex of mine!

So maybe you WERE sexy and turning him on and it made HIM feel insecure and he didn’t know how to handle it.

My ex would freak out whenever I made an effort sexually. Rather than laugh, on a bad day he’d be openly cruel and rejecting and make me feel like I was disgusting and no one would ever want me. On a good day he’d laugh until he cried.

I left that relationship with my self esteem
in my boots genuinely not knowing how anyone could ever want me or find me sexually attractive. It was years later that I discovered he had sexual issues due to a very religious upbringing and weird mummy issues and HIS self esteem was in his boots and he couldn’t understand why anyone would try to seduce him or would genuinely want him the way I did. So his gut instinct was to be cruel and rejecting or to laugh at me, not because I was awkward but because he felt awkward and didn’t know how to act.

Reading your OP reminded me exactly of him.

Unless he is ancient, those 50 plus women have not been long term relationships. Anyone can have a one night stand or bang someone a few times. The sex involved in a ONS or short term relationship isn’t necessarily skilfull or special. Someone who serially shags so many other women, and presumably young women if he was only 25 when he met you, with no intention of commitment really has nothing to boast about and doesn’t prove anything about how good he is in bed, or how good the vast majority of women/girls he slept with is. Comparing yourself to that isn’t helpful. You are in a committed relationship with him. There must be something different about you, in a good way.
He’s been with you for 5 years and honestly, doesn’t sound that much of a catch himself in the bedroom. I’m another confused by the “sex is amazing/he has a low sex drive”.

Seriously, hold your head high, don’t let him influence your self esteem and you just keep
working on yourself.

Motnight Wed 12-May-21 05:22:01

Your sex life is amazing, but it's normally once a month, and your boyfriend has made you feel very uncomfortable during it. You both have low sex drives but he has had over 59 partners.

This is all very contradictory, Op. Can't you see that?

romdowa Wed 12-May-21 05:49:58

If I'm too tense or nervous I laugh and maybe he was just feeling tense and couldn't help it. There was already a bit of pressure there as it was the last day for your fertile window not to mention trying to have a baby kind of makes sex a bit more serious, most of us spend years trying to avoid it! I doubt he was laughing at you or your attempts at seduction.

Monty27 Wed 12-May-21 05:54:00

I bet he was mortified being put on a spot. Probably nervous laughter at having to perform.
Good luck with it anyway OP.

Mumdiva99 Wed 12-May-21 06:09:18

You were laughing together. He jist carried on. Don't stress it. It doesn't mean anything. TTC and having sex more than normal is unnatural for anyone. Let it go. And good luck.

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