Basically this.
I've been in a classic "commitment phobe" relationship for two years and I finally gave him the "all or nothing" message.
I am not saying he wasn't committed in terms of dating other people and so on, but more in moving forward with major life commitments like moving in or buying a home.
He was always a good boyfriend, but he has an almost phobic reaction to serious commitment because he says in the past it's never worked out and he found it hard to leave so ended up miserable for years.
Initially, when I gave him the ultimatum, I cut off contact and within 36 hours he sent me a message to say he was so sorry, he really loved me, I was the love of his life and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He even proposed and then started suggesting we look at houses together.
Then a couple of days later he seemed to second guess himself and asked for time and space away from each other so he could be sure his decision wasn't a knee-jerk reaction to the idea of losing me :(
I was devastated really by this. I felt a bit like surely you know if you love someone and want to be with them or not?
We are currently in "no contact", but he messaged me after 3 days to ask if I was okay and I didn't respond.
I am really confused here over whether or not I am being a big baby and maybe he is just being reasonable and taking time to think through a major life commitment.
OR
If a man loves you and wants to marry you, he bloody well knows it and doesn't need time and space to think about it.
What do you think? I am really confused over what to do when he comes back to me. He might come back and say he realises I am not the one (in which case no brainer) but if he comes back and says he wants to be with me and move forward, how do I react to that?
I feel a bit injured, ego wise and it's not exactly romantic.
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Relationships
He hesitated?
stubbedtoe · 11/05/2021 15:19
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