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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is my husband gay

50 replies

TAURUS99 · 06/05/2021 20:15

Hi could really do with some advice i have been married 19yr in June but the last 2 years he has changed dramatically. He has never has high sex drive but now nothing no touching atall, has never got jealous if he sees me chatting to men. When I ask him about this his reply is he has never cared for sex and could live without it.

OP posts:

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Strawberrysaxifrage · 06/05/2021 20:17

Is there anything to suggest he's interested in men rather than just has a very low libido/ is possibly asexual?

Lovemusic33 · 06/05/2021 20:18

I’m not sure why you think he is gay? He has a low sex drive or is A sexual?

If you can’t accept this then maybe discus with him if you could have an open relationship? Or maybe leave him and find someone who wants sex?

Strawberrysaxifrage · 06/05/2021 20:20

Sorry, when I say 'just' asexual or not keen on sex, I'm not saying that either of these possibilities would not be problematic in themselves if you do want to have a physical relationship in the marriage. I just mean that if the lack of sex is unsustainable then concentrate on that, rather than wondering whether it's symptomatic of something else.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/05/2021 20:21

Gay is a bit of a leap

Astronaut8 · 06/05/2021 20:22

So because he doesn’t have a sex drive, he’s gay?
Wtf

Soontobe60 · 06/05/2021 20:23

Does he take meds for high blood pressure? This can cause low libido. Also some mineral deficiencies.

WilsonMilson · 06/05/2021 20:24

Do you have any grounds at all, apart from no sex, that would make you think he might be gay?

DinosaurDiana · 06/05/2021 20:26

Antidepressants can affect your libido.
Does he masturbate do you know ?

TAURUS99 · 06/05/2021 20:35

Its just all very strange I have asked him if he is gay but he reacts very calm and says he's not feel like I'm going insane as they say you should always trust your gut instinct

OP posts:

TAURUS99 · 06/05/2021 20:37

Just all the signs of not getting jealous, no sexual attraction to women and constant negative comments to me like hes full of anger only time hes really chatty is when he talks to his friends

OP posts:

TAURUS99 · 06/05/2021 20:38

No bit more to it that that but just wanting a bit of advice

OP posts:

DinosaurDiana · 06/05/2021 20:42

I think if I asked my DH if he was gay he would be shocked/offended, so if he’s very calm it might be a red flag.

DinosaurDiana · 06/05/2021 20:43

So forgetting about you for a moment, is there anything he actually does that makes you think he’s gay ?

Sparkletastic · 06/05/2021 20:46

Or having an affair?

shampoobar · 06/05/2021 20:46

Sounds like hes suffering depression if he has recently stopped being sexual, instead of accusing him of being gay have you asked him if he is bothered by this low libido? He might not care for sex at all as many people dont when they're older.

Tanfastic · 06/05/2021 20:47

Maybe he's just gone off you. Just a thought. Doesn't mean he's gay.

KilljoysDutch · 06/05/2021 20:47

@DinosaurDiana

I think if I asked my DH if he was gay he would be shocked/offended, so if he’s very calm it might be a red flag.

Because being Gay is such an awful thing to be accused of?

Why do women on MN always leap to their men being Gay if they're ripping their clothes off?

topcat2014 · 06/05/2021 20:50

I refer you to the Ballad of Barry & Frieda by Victoria Wood..

(and, no, probably not gay)

Bradvice · 06/05/2021 20:51

@KilljoysDutch surely it is a terrible thing though if you're being questioned by your female partner. Your commitment to your wife is being questioned.

Bradvice · 06/05/2021 20:52

@Tanfastic

Maybe he's just gone off you. Just a thought. Doesn't mean he's gay.

No need to be rude and bitchy.

legalseagull · 06/05/2021 20:53

@TAURUS99

Just all the signs of not getting jealous, no sexual attraction to women and constant negative comments to me like hes full of anger only time hes really chatty is when he talks to his friends

I hate to say it OP but it doesn't actually sound like he likes you very much.

Life's too short to be with someone who doesn't love and want you

legalseagull · 06/05/2021 20:55

@Bradvice I think that comment is blunt, but not bitchy. Her husband is full of anger and uninterested it her. It sounds, sadly, like his heart isn't in it

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Tanfastic · 06/05/2021 20:55

I don't think it's being rude and bitchy to say he may have gone off the op. Fgs.

That would be my first thought if dh was acting in this way...not that he was gay. Either that or he was having an affair.

Bradvice · 06/05/2021 20:58

Err the "just a thought" was definitely supposed to be bitchy. There was no need, OP is in a shit situation with a husband who seems angry at her for no reason so I think a little empathy would be more appropriate

Tanfastic · 06/05/2021 21:03

@Bradvice

Err the "just a thought" was definitely supposed to be bitchy. There was no need, OP is in a shit situation with a husband who seems angry at her for no reason so I think a little empathy would be more appropriate

No it wasn't "supposed" to be bitchy but you are entitled to your opinion as am I

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