Is my husband gay

(51 Posts)
TAURUS99 Thu 06-May-21 20:15:32

Hi could really do with some advice i have been married 19yr in June but the last 2 years he has changed dramatically. He has never has high sex drive but now nothing no touching atall, has never got jealous if he sees me chatting to men. When I ask him about this his reply is he has never cared for sex and could live without it.

OP’s posts: |
Strawberrysaxifrage Thu 06-May-21 20:17:38

Is there anything to suggest he's interested in men rather than just has a very low libido/ is possibly asexual?

Lovemusic33 Thu 06-May-21 20:18:03

I’m not sure why you think he is gay? He has a low sex drive or is A sexual?

If you can’t accept this then maybe discus with him if you could have an open relationship? Or maybe leave him and find someone who wants sex?

Strawberrysaxifrage Thu 06-May-21 20:20:24

Sorry, when I say 'just' asexual or not keen on sex, I'm not saying that either of these possibilities would not be problematic in themselves if you do want to have a physical relationship in the marriage. I just mean that if the lack of sex is unsustainable then concentrate on that, rather than wondering whether it's symptomatic of something else.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Thu 06-May-21 20:21:14

Gay is a bit of a leap

Astronaut8 Thu 06-May-21 20:22:03

So because he doesn’t have a sex drive, he’s gay?
Wtf

Soontobe60 Thu 06-May-21 20:23:00

Does he take meds for high blood pressure? This can cause low libido. Also some mineral deficiencies.

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WilsonMilson Thu 06-May-21 20:24:48

Do you have any grounds at all, apart from no sex, that would make you think he might be gay?

DinosaurDiana Thu 06-May-21 20:26:48

Antidepressants can affect your libido.
Does he masturbate do you know ?

TAURUS99 Thu 06-May-21 20:35:17

Its just all very strange I have asked him if he is gay but he reacts very calm and says he's not feel like I'm going insane as they say you should always trust your gut instinct

OP’s posts: |
TAURUS99 Thu 06-May-21 20:37:25

Just all the signs of not getting jealous, no sexual attraction to women and constant negative comments to me like hes full of anger only time hes really chatty is when he talks to his friends

OP’s posts: |
TAURUS99 Thu 06-May-21 20:38:32

No bit more to it that that but just wanting a bit of advice

OP’s posts: |
DinosaurDiana Thu 06-May-21 20:42:13

I think if I asked my DH if he was gay he would be shocked/offended, so if he’s very calm it might be a red flag.

DinosaurDiana Thu 06-May-21 20:43:21

So forgetting about you for a moment, is there anything he actually does that makes you think he’s gay ?

Sparkletastic Thu 06-May-21 20:46:30

Or having an affair?

shampoobar Thu 06-May-21 20:46:41

Sounds like hes suffering depression if he has recently stopped being sexual, instead of accusing him of being gay have you asked him if he is bothered by this low libido? He might not care for sex at all as many people dont when they're older.

Tanfastic Thu 06-May-21 20:47:44

Maybe he's just gone off you. Just a thought. Doesn't mean he's gay.

KilljoysDutch Thu 06-May-21 20:47:49

DinosaurDiana

I think if I asked my DH if he was gay he would be shocked/offended, so if he’s very calm it might be a red flag.

Because being Gay is such an awful thing to be accused of?

Why do women on MN always leap to their men being Gay if they're ripping their clothes off?

topcat2014 Thu 06-May-21 20:50:51

I refer you to the Ballad of Barry & Frieda by Victoria Wood..

(and, no, probably not gay)

Bradvice Thu 06-May-21 20:51:11

@KilljoysDutch surely it is a terrible thing though if you're being questioned by your female partner. Your commitment to your wife is being questioned.

Bradvice Thu 06-May-21 20:52:52

Tanfastic

Maybe he's just gone off you. Just a thought. Doesn't mean he's gay.


No need to be rude and bitchy.

legalseagull Thu 06-May-21 20:53:15

TAURUS99

Just all the signs of not getting jealous, no sexual attraction to women and constant negative comments to me like hes full of anger only time hes really chatty is when he talks to his friends


I hate to say it OP but it doesn't actually sound like he likes you very much. thanks Life's too short to be with someone who doesn't love and want you

legalseagull Thu 06-May-21 20:55:04

@Bradvice I think that comment is blunt, but not bitchy. Her husband is full of anger and uninterested it her. It sounds, sadly, like his heart isn't in it

Tanfastic Thu 06-May-21 20:55:33

I don't think it's being rude and bitchy to say he may have gone off the op. Fgs.

That would be my first thought if dh was acting in this way...not that he was gay. Either that or he was having an affair.

Bradvice Thu 06-May-21 20:58:38

Err the "just a thought" was definitely supposed to be bitchy. There was no need, OP is in a shit situation with a husband who seems angry at her for no reason so I think a little empathy would be more appropriate

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