Is this a bit rude or?

(224 Posts)
sammy829 Thu 06-May-21 18:45:55

I haven't seen my boyfriend in 4 days. He came over tonight and about 10 minutes later his son (8) FaceTimes him. No problem at all, but they've now been chatting for an hour. I have absolutely no issue with his son whatsoever, I'm just feeling a little put out that I've literally been ignored since he got here. There's still no sign of the phone call ending. He saw his son Sunday, Monday, yesterday and will have him all weekend.

If everyone would be fine with this then I'll be quiet, I promise smile

OP’s posts: |
Mixitupalot Thu 06-May-21 18:50:09

It’s his child.. YABU! If you need more time with him just say so, if it’s not working then move on with someone who doesn’t have kids?!

Happycat1212 Thu 06-May-21 18:51:10

Wow YABU! Sounds like a bloody good dad to me

KurtWilde Thu 06-May-21 18:51:11

Yeah sorry but YABU for obvious reasons.

pog100 Thu 06-May-21 18:52:06

I think if you are dating a man who is non resident parent to an 8 year old you have to accept that his son will always have first call on his time. Even when he has just arrived at your place.

Inthesameboatatmo Thu 06-May-21 18:53:17

It's his child op . His child comes first and foremost before you , I take it you dont have children because if you did you would put them before him .

fortunacookie Thu 06-May-21 18:53:22

An hour tho seriously! I wouldn't be happy tho either and if it was me and I was with someone I would find a way of shortening the call it's just manners or am I missing something hmm

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AnatomyJane Thu 06-May-21 18:54:51

YABU you sound very much like a friend I have. She doesn’t want kids. When she was dating someone who was a NRP, she could never understand why they would change plans to accommodate the children, take phone calls in her time etc. Safe to say, the relationship didn’t last.

MSA60 Thu 06-May-21 18:55:03

I'd feel a bit put out in your situation, and then feel bad for feeling put out, I dont think you are entirely BU at all.

sammy829 Thu 06-May-21 18:55:36

Yes he is a brilliant Dad! I do have a child, shared 50/50 (a bit like my boyfriend). On the one day that week I was seeing him I wouldn't spend over an hour on the phone to my DC, but maybe we're just different!

OP’s posts: |
YarnOver Thu 06-May-21 18:56:35

Kids come first. Always.

PerveenMistry Thu 06-May-21 18:57:59

sammy829

I haven't seen my boyfriend in 4 days. He came over tonight and about 10 minutes later his son (8) FaceTimes him. No problem at all, but they've now been chatting for an hour. I have absolutely no issue with his son whatsoever, I'm just feeling a little put out that I've literally been ignored since he got here. There's still no sign of the phone call ending. He saw his son Sunday, Monday, yesterday and will have him all weekend.

If everyone would be fine with this then I'll be quiet, I promise smile



I think if he wants to spend the night on phone with his kids he should stay home and not take up space at OP's house.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 06-May-21 19:04:18

I think if he wants to spend the night on phone with his kids he should stay home and not take up space at OP's house.

This

sqirrelfriends Thu 06-May-21 19:07:36

Yanbu, it's rude.

You're also a person in his life, his child might come first (as he should) but that doesn't mean you have to be last. I bet if he was out with his friends he wouldn't spend an hour chatting to his DS.

OrchestraOfWankery Thu 06-May-21 19:08:06

I think if he wants to spend the night on phone with his kids he should stay home and not take up space at OP's house.

I agree.

Onthedunes Thu 06-May-21 19:11:02

Kids at 8 want their parents every day, both mom and dad , if the relationship between them is good.

He probably didn't know his son was going to call as he came over to yours but what can he do, you cannot ignor children, especially when parents are separated.

The honest truth is his son is more important than you and that's the way it should be, until the lad is old enough to feel secure in the world, his dad must be on tap.

Your partner sounds like he has his priorities right.

NRE20 Thu 06-May-21 19:18:46

I agree with you, OP. If your DP is seeing his DS regularly, having a long call on his time with you is a bit rude, unless there’s a reason for it (helping with a problem, or sharing in good news). Does this happen regularly? If it’s a one off, I’d let it slide and keep an eye on the situation, but if it happens a lot have a conversation about it. He may just be oblivious. He can be a good dad AND an attentive partner.

sunnyzweibrucken Thu 06-May-21 19:33:17

I think he's being rude. Especially since he has seen/talked to him the past few days. But what can you do it was an impromptu call so its not like he could control when/where he would get the call. In this situation I think he should have ended the call after about 30 minutes or so, over an hour when he just saw him a couple of days ago is not really necessary.

Surroundedbytime Thu 06-May-21 19:37:27

I’m sure he could cut the call after 10 minutes if he’s seen his child every day this week.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 06-May-21 19:40:47

Of course it’s rude. If he’s ready to date he’s ready to learn how to juggle his various responsibilities and loved ones in a way that makes no one feel like crap. Barring an emergency he’s taking the piss. Beware anyone who behaves like this. If it wasn’t his son he’d be finding another way to show you you’re not important to him. If he doesn’t have hour long calls with his son while he’s at work he doesn’t need to do it when he’s spending already limited time with you.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 06-May-21 19:41:43

YarnOver

Kids come first. Always.

hmm

sammy829 Thu 06-May-21 19:41:58

@NRE20 It has happened a few times, yes.

It's now been nearly 2 hours and they're still on a call. I'm just a little disappointed that the one night I get with him this weekend is going to be cut extremely short, I guess.

OP’s posts: |
sammy829 Thu 06-May-21 19:42:22

*this week (not weekend)

OP’s posts: |
PerveenMistry Thu 06-May-21 19:44:01

AnneLovesGilbert

Of course it’s rude. If he’s ready to date he’s ready to learn how to juggle his various responsibilities and loved ones in a way that makes no one feel like crap. Barring an emergency he’s taking the piss. Beware anyone who behaves like this. If it wasn’t his son he’d be finding another way to show you you’re not important to him. If he doesn’t have hour long calls with his son while he’s at work he doesn’t need to do it when he’s spending already limited time with you.



Well said.

AhaShakeHeartbreak12 Thu 06-May-21 19:45:51

Yabu

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