Would you forgive this?

(81 Posts)
fucksat50 Wed 05-May-21 06:40:16

DS was at home while I was working yesterday. DH was also at home but not working although he had a bad stomach so not feeling his best.

I asked DH to distract DS in the morning as I had an online meeting, which he did. He took him out in the garden to mow the lawn.

My meeting finished early but then the boss rang me, by which time DS was being irritable and wanting to come back in. I tried to signal to DH just 2 minutes.

He opened the door and said I was not prioritising DS and he actually shut my laptop shut when I was in the middle of a chat with my boss and screamed at me that DS needed his nappy changing. What then follows was a torrent of abuse, even though we had agreed the garden option the evening before.

How would you react to this?

OP’s posts: |
user648482729 Wed 05-May-21 06:43:22

Is the one in a line of incidents or a one off? I’d be really angry and be expecting an apology and an explanation. If it was one in a long line of incidents then I’d be thinking about the future of this relationship.

Overdueanamechange Wed 05-May-21 06:43:51

He had a bad stomach? A one off? How are you supposed to cope with period cramps every month, do you get to check out of parenting and be abusive too?
Its one thing having an argument between the two of you, but quite another to forcibly end a meeting with your boss.
His behaviour was outrageous and unacceptable. What is he like normally?

Xztop Wed 05-May-21 06:44:40

Completely out of order. I would be furious.

Teacupsandtoast Wed 05-May-21 06:44:48

Urrrr......he slammed your laptop shut and screamed at you to change your child's nappy when you were working??? What was wrong with his two hands that he couldn't do it? Is he in the habit of screaming at you?

DinosaurDiana Wed 05-May-21 06:46:57

So he’s ill, but not so ill that he can’t mow the lawn.
He is out of order. I hope your boss didn’t hear him.

fucksat50 Wed 05-May-21 06:50:20

Not an isolated incident, he is always shouting at me like I'm a child but the laptop incident really crossed a line with me.

I'm so angry and upset about it.

OP’s posts: |
WaterBottle123 Wed 05-May-21 06:51:12

I'd kick him out. He's a nasty, sexist, abusive cock womble who doesn't think your work is important.

fucksat50 Wed 05-May-21 06:51:40

He called me a useless dumb fuck as well.

OP’s posts: |
surlycurly Wed 05-May-21 06:51:42

This will only escalate. I'd really consider your options moving forward.

updownroundandround Wed 05-May-21 07:00:15

@fucksat50

There are no circumstances under which that level of abuse would be OK with anyone.

Would your H scream and shout at his colleagues, then shut down their computers and call them names ?? No ?? hmm

So, no surprise there then hmm.

He knows he's being a totally unreasonable prick/bully towards you. He doesn't give 2 fucks about how you feel about what he does to you, or how it affects your DC either.

He chooses to scream, shout and call you vile names because it makes HIM feel better/powerful etc

It's up to you whether to stay and put up with this abuse, or not.

Arbadacarba Wed 05-May-21 07:04:00

No, it's not something I could forgive. Not only has he been abusive, he's done it 'in front of' your boss. He clearly has no respect for you at all. Sorry you've had this happen to you flowers.

Shoxfordian Wed 05-May-21 07:04:26

I would be out of that house with my kid and calling a solicitor

Don’t put up with this shit

CupoTeap Wed 05-May-21 07:04:40

No I wouldn't

DorisLessingsCat Wed 05-May-21 07:06:46

Given the additional information and the back story - no. LTB.

category12 Wed 05-May-21 07:07:04

Why can't he change the child's nappy?

Outbutnotoutout Wed 05-May-21 07:07:10

WaterBottle123

I'd kick him out. He's a nasty, sexist, abusive cock womble who doesn't think your work is important.

No more needs to be said but this.

Leave him

ItsNotLoveActually Wed 05-May-21 07:08:26

So your boss heard all this? Could he not see you were on the phone? Why couldn't he change HIS DS's nappy?

Totally outrageous and unacceptable behaviour. Get your ducks in a row.

Arrowheart Wed 05-May-21 07:08:45

Do you really need to ask OP???

Frazzle76 Wed 05-May-21 07:09:39

Um. Let us tell you how it should have happened.
You are working and say to OH youd appreciate him looking after child until you're done. You know he's not feeling well but just do what it takes and you'll be as quick as you can.
He takes child, does nappy and when child gets fractious sticks the TV on.
You finish, scoop child up and stick kettle on to make a cup of tea and say thank you as you know he's not feeling well.
No where in the scenario is shouting, lack of respect or guilt tripping.

To give context: last week my husband had to look after EBF little baby because I had a 3 hour teaching session. His work had gone tits up so he was also working and on calls with said screaming child. But he did it, because me bringing in that little bit extra is important to me and he respects me. It was stressful and some would say unprofessional of both of us to tag team in and out whilst on calls but that's what it's like when you work and have kids. Allowances have to be made by all.

HenryHooverIII Wed 05-May-21 07:12:24

It's time to go OP.

I had a sick DS and sick DH home yesterday. Neither was well enough to mow the lawn for a start. I sat in my office undisturbed for 8 hours yesterday while DH looked after our child. Because he is not an incompetent arsehole.

rainbowstardrops Wed 05-May-21 07:13:53

I wouldn't put up with that, especially as it's not an isolated incident.

Strugglingtodomybest Wed 05-May-21 07:14:22

I would not forgive this, no. I would not forgive anyone who called me a useless dumb fuck, let alone the person who is supposed to love me most. I deserve better and so do you.

chocolatesaltyballs22 Wed 05-May-21 07:15:51

Wow. No, I would not forgive this. Agree with everyone else. He has zero respect for you. I hope your boss didn't hear.

sofato5miles Wed 05-May-21 07:16:23

Jesus Christ! Out, out, out.

Your boss must also be incredibly concerned but i hope now will be very supportive.

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