Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Ex bad mouthing me to DC(7 Posts)
Nothing too horrid being said but it's enough to make my 11 yo DD to be upset and cry over it. She said why does he say bad things about you when you don't say anything about him. I explained that I didn't know why etc. I asked him about it and he admitted it and then has gone on to call our DD a snitch. To which she has become upset about again. We were talking about her being upset and I mentioned yes she got upset about you calling her a snitch. He flew off the handle, made me realise why I left. I hung up on him. How do I deal with this constant bad mouthing?
Do you reply? If one parent is constantly putting the other down, and the other parent doesn't defend themselves- the child can at times then see the verbally abusive parent as right- because the other parent doesn't refute. She's 11. Does she enjoy seeing her dad? Does she want to continue? Explain to her that her father is abusive towards you, doesn't mean he doesn't love her, but that he waits things he shouldn't and it's her choice to keep seeing him. I've seen too many orients accidentally alienate themselves from their kids by not wanting to respond to thei other parents comments
Sadly you can't control what comes out of his mouth, that's bit nasty n immature calling his own DD a snitch,!! Just tell him in a calm manner and as a warning shot.. to keep his thoughts n feelings to himself cos if he dont itll be his DD not interested in having a rship with him either,!!
I'd tell him calmly that both CAFCASS and Social Services take parental alienation pretty seriously, and this is what he seems to be attempting to do. I'd warn him that if he continues to bad mouth you to your DD -which is upsetting her and making her cry - then you need to start considering whether it's actually in her best interests to continue having contact with him.
Maybe warn him that if you do stop contact and tell him to take you to court that they won't look kindly on him when all this comes out. It might be enough to make him consider the effect he is having on his child and stop bad mouthing you.
This is a type of emotional abuse. Does she enjoy going?
Emotional abuse and co trolling behaviour is why I left. She loves her dad and say she enjoys going. Not that he does much with her when she's there. He will spend money easily but not time. I have told him how damaging this is, his reply F'off, there's real things going on in the world!
Tonight I have cried, I feel like I've taken ten steps back.
Inform the relevant agencies what he is doing.