DH taking pics without asking

(329 Posts)
sierrahotelindigotango Tue 04-May-21 21:14:02

Long term lurker, first ever post. Been happily married for nearly ten years, together over 15 years. I've noticed recently that DH will sneakily take photos and or videos while we're having sex without asking or telling me. Is this normal / okay? No other issues in our relationship really. He's very respectful and loving generally. We have four kids and full on jobs running our own business so sex isn't as often as we'd both like... I don't know if I'm just being a prude or not.

OP’s posts: |
Anotheruser02 Tue 04-May-21 21:15:11

That's not okay.

WindowsSmindows Tue 04-May-21 21:15:31

It's illegal, that's your starting point.

Aprilshowersandhail Tue 04-May-21 21:15:49

I would be very concerned with his intentions...

burritofan Tue 04-May-21 21:15:58

I would leave someone who did this to me. I’d consider it a gross violation and be deeply, deeply upset. It’s really not normal or OK, and you don’t have to feel OK or prudish about it.

SylvanianFrenemies Tue 04-May-21 21:16:06

I wouldn't be happy. It seems weird and invasive to me.

If he has any inkling that you are not 100% happy then it is incredibly problematic. Does he?

Wafflewombat Tue 04-May-21 21:16:44

Is he uploading them?

mybonnieliesovertheocean2 Tue 04-May-21 21:16:49

Sorry that is not normal. There was a thread on here a few weeks ago about a wife finding out her DH had been taking photos without her knowledge and putting them on the internet. Have you asked him why he is taking the videos and photos and what he is doing with them?

Scarby9 Tue 04-May-21 21:17:34

I assume you ask what he thinks he is doing?
Does he stop when you say?

Alfxn Tue 04-May-21 21:17:57

This is hugely alarming OP. Do you know the main reason men do this is to post the images and videos online??! It's a real thing!

viixie Tue 04-May-21 21:18:10

Define "sneaky" photos when you're having sex?!! Is he poking the camera out from behind his back?! Isn't it quite obvious that you know he's taking the photograph ?! 🥴

Palavah Tue 04-May-21 21:18:26

Not normal. Not legal. Not ok.

TokyoSushi Tue 04-May-21 21:18:57

Absolutely not OK. What's he doing with them?

sierrahotelindigotango Tue 04-May-21 21:19:36

I haven't brought it up yet. I didn't know it was illegal and i have no idea if he's doing anything with them or how I'd find out.

OP’s posts: |
Happycat1212 Tue 04-May-21 21:20:21

How can he sneakily take pics?obviously you would notice? What has he said about it?

bestbeforedateexpired Tue 04-May-21 21:21:18

First time I’ve ever pulled a WTF face reading a post. No, that’s not usual behaviour. I hope you’re ok.

sierrahotelindigotango Tue 04-May-21 21:21:24

My back is to him when he does it so I think he thinks I don't know it's happening

OP’s posts: |
sierrahotelindigotango Tue 04-May-21 21:22:56

I feel a bit sick reading all these replies but thank you

OP’s posts: |
DinosaurDiana Tue 04-May-21 21:23:02

He could be forwarding those pictures to anybody.
And what if the kids found them ?
No, it’s not ok.

Happycat1212 Tue 04-May-21 21:23:10

You haven’t said anything to him about it? confused so when he was taking the pics you didn’t say anything?

Mydarlingmyhamburger Tue 04-May-21 21:23:58

This is a serious sexual offence. If he genuinely thinks you don’t know, your oh is a sex offender. I wonder what he’s doing with the photos? There was a thread a few weeks ago from a lady who found out her husband had taken photos of her naked and asleep and uploaded them onto porn sites.

Rewis Tue 04-May-21 21:24:25

It's not ok unless you have given a concent. It sounds like you at a bit ok with it, therefore it is not ok.

sierrahotelindigotango Tue 04-May-21 21:24:35

No I didn't - I know that sounds odd but I didn't want to talk about it with him without knowing if I was over reacting or not.

OP’s posts: |
EarringsandLipstick Tue 04-May-21 21:26:42


I would leave someone who did this to me. I’d consider it a gross violation and be deeply, deeply upset. It’s really not normal or OK, and you don’t have to feel OK or prudish about it.

This x 💯

This is just appalling.

Gogetsalife Tue 04-May-21 21:27:02

Major red flag........Illegal and disrespectful. Sorry but I’d assume he’s sharing images. I’d have to get an IT expert to sweep through all his devices/history. If he refused. Then that would be a no from meangry

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