Hi everyone,
I’m new to mumsnet and started a thread based on a conversation I had with my boyfriends ex, last week. They share a 7 year old son together, however they’ve been separated 6 years. They were together off and on for 5 years before his DS was born, and a year after. 6 years in total, never married but lived together once DSS was born.
I’ve been with my boyfriend just over a year now, we are very happy and in a strong, honest relationship and we have moved in together. I met his DSS almost 6 months into our relationship, we have a great relationship, I pick him up from school, we have days together when both parents are working etc. I have made a real effort with his mum, and vice versa- we have a good relationship overall however I’ve noticed just after Christmas there was a lot of tension. They share time with DS 3/4 days a week and alternate, when she would pick DSS up she wouldn’t leave the car or come in for a chat, as previous she would come in for a tea and ask about DSS etc. It had been like this about 3/4 months when I’d said to my boyfriend to invite her over for dinner, she accepted and was really grateful for the invite. She’s since been over twice for dinner with us and the relationship was going back to pre-Christmas.
Last week I picked DSS from school and there was an incident with another child, nothing serious that needed immediate attention so I told my boyfriend and DSS mum when she collected him next day, she went on a rant about his dad (my boyfriend) which I found really awkward, she aimed a lot of it at me and said everything has changed etc.
Toward the end of the conversation she said ‘Recently it’s just made me realise, there is no chance of me and ever getting back to how we were and we could never get back together’ and that ‘I’ve just got to deal with the fact I’m not a priority to him anymore’. I was utterly gobsmacked and didn’t really know what to say, I asked my boyfriend afterward why she would think they had a chance of getting back together and he was just as confused as me. They haven’t been in a relationship for 6 years, she has had 2 boyfriends in that time (1 she introduced to DS) and he had 1 girlfriend (wasn’t serious enough to introduce).
I’m now very confused and conflicted. Have I been too kind in offering her in for dinner/ catching up etc? I’m trying to do what’s best for DSS as ultimately we are all going to be in each other’s lives for a long time (we are in talks of ttc).
Any advice welcome- sorry for the long post!
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Relationships
My boyfriends ex, DSS mum- AIBU
NewHere21 · 04/05/2021 13:19
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