Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2

Relationships

36 in A few months feel so fed up

29 replies

Babypiggy · 03/05/2021 14:02

Hi id like some honest feedback pls. Ive been divircd for two years had one rship since- didnt work out. I was hurt. Ive got a wonderful seven year old son who I adore. I want a man to add to my life- own house, car decent job and not looking to play games. I have a busy life- my career os good but demanding job which i enjoy and am passionate about. Am I asking too much to want a decent man!? I have been doing OLD on and off since last year then lock down struck etc. Ive had around seven dates but not met the one. There are times when i feel lonely and worry il end up alone forever. Sorry this is rambling but ultimately im asking has anyone been in a similar position and found someone they really liked?

OP posts:

Report

Babypiggy · 03/05/2021 14:03

Sorry and to be clear- i have my own house and car etc. Im not asking them to provide that for me- im asking for them to have their shit together

OP posts:

Report

Wanderlusto · 03/05/2021 14:16

Finding someone suitable is never easy and it's good to be choosey. Just so long as you are also being practical and by 'the one' you dont mean some disney love bs.

Bare in mind that even when you do meet someone suitable, they may only be suitable for a time. Be sure that you are looking for the right reasons. Eg: just some good company. And not someone to 'conplete' you/your family/your life.

Report

Wanderlusto · 03/05/2021 14:16

*complete

Report

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 03/05/2021 14:21

It's really hard, isn't it? I find it harder when I've already got a child as well.

A lot of men in their 30s now seem to want to go travelling. I want someone to settle down with, not someone who is going to bugger off to Thailand or India for 6 months.

Report

Wanderlusto · 03/05/2021 14:28

Haha i'd love someone to bugger off to Thailand with, send them my way lol. What sites are you using?

Probably lockdown giving everyone the travel bug.

Do you want more kids?

Report

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 03/05/2021 14:47

@Wanderlusto

Haha i'd love someone to bugger off to Thailand with, send them my way lol. What sites are you using?

Probably lockdown giving everyone the travel bug.

Do you want more kids?

I'm using Tinder, Bumble, all the crap ones to be fair.

I didn't really date in my 20s, I was too busy figuring out how to be a mum. I thought everyone would be travelling and partying in their 20s. I assumed I could wait til I was 30 and people were ready to settle down and then just pick one to marry almost! As you can imagine, I'm very disappointed.

I want more children, just one or two maximum.

There are some men wanting to settle down but they're usually the ones with 15 children that specify in their profile that they "don't want no drama"

Report

Wanderlusto · 03/05/2021 15:04

Haha yeah they are fine with more kids cause it's not like they put any input into the others they have already running about the place xD

I have a feeling it's more likely men in their late thirties and onwards that'll be looking for settling down. Unless they've been there already and got the tshirt I suppose.

I basically have the opposite mission to you in that I dont want kids or settling. Though marriage would be nice sometime I suppose. But it's just so difficult to even find someone you like, that likes you, that is a decent human being and has no vices like boozing ect... let alone one that wants what you want from life.

Theres a lot of frogs out there lol

Report

Famousinlove · 03/05/2021 15:06

Would it be worth using dating sites that you need to pay for? I'm assuming the people on there would be more serious rather than joining the free sites on a wim

Report

Babypiggy · 03/05/2021 15:08

I think the paid ones arent much better sadly. Literally feel really down. I dont want to be alone forever

OP posts:

Report

Wanderlusto · 03/05/2021 15:09

In my experience of paid sites, that's where the real crazy ones were. Though I was in my 20s back then. But I found it full of oddballs. I'm sticking to tinder n bumble when I date these days lol.

My dad said the other day that men who use paid sites only do so because they are looking for a 'better class of women' but it doesn't mean they arent still just looking for sex. Harsh but, maybe the case.

Report

Babypiggy · 03/05/2021 15:16

Oh god its so doom
And gloom! Anyone found a decent man?!

OP posts:

Report

LostBlanket · 03/05/2021 15:22

Online dating only has a handful of profiles compared to a whole world out there that don't have profiles on OLD. We are going back to normal, you will meet someone who has similar values and passion. I used to use tinder and went on numerous dates that were horrible and I found my husband through a mutual friend in RL. OLD is just depressing and I know we have not lived a normal life for the past year but things are improving. Don't lose hope, it will happen when it's meant to happen :)

Report

Babypiggy · 03/05/2021 15:37

Lostblanket how old were you though

OP posts:

Report

MarshmallowAra · 03/05/2021 15:45

7 dates is very few to meet someone via old.

If it was 70 you might have cause for frustration.

Old can also be a shit show.

It should only be one strand of your dating strategy. Think about what sort of man you want to meet and where he might be spending time.

There's no cut off age. My friennet a widower in her 50s through ceili dancing with his niece. My aunt met a divorced man in her 40s or 50s through country type gigs that happen in rural-ish hotels in this region. My 96 yr old grandmother had a gentleman friend til he passed away, i think she met him through painting class I'm not sure. There isn't cut off, there's no point in throwing your hands up.

Report

MarshmallowAra · 03/05/2021 15:48

You're only 35/36, some people haven't even married once or had kids by that age.

Report

Babypiggy · 03/05/2021 17:12

Thanks i know you are trying to be positive it just feels so low quality out there

OP posts:

Report

Babypiggy · 04/05/2021 14:15

Bumping! To see if anyone has decent stories

OP posts:

Report

Tornfuture123 · 04/05/2021 14:19

I’m just like you OP - except I’ve never been married and would love a child. You have everything that matters! Relax. The man will come along

Report

Doitorwait · 04/05/2021 18:10

If online dating isn't working out the best way to meet someone might be through friends, get out and about have fun with friends and enjoy yourself while waiting to meet the right person. I'm around your age, single almost two years and have two children, I've sort of fell for a friend who has given me no indication they feel the same so once restrictions lift I'm going to get out more in hopes of meeting somebody new. Throughout lockdown I've had strange messages on social media from strangers and friends of friends, people are acting desperate. These men and women come across a bit creepy and likely messaging anyone and everyone. I mean I'm a bit desperate too it has been a while but I've got to have feelings first. I would try online dating apps but really don't know how to sell myself and can't imagine myself meeting up with a stranger. However, I do know a few friends have met the love of their life this way.

Report

Maze76 · 04/05/2021 22:25

OLD is dire! I’m losing hope, and the I’m afraid the quality of men is poor.

Report

Florist1970 · 04/05/2021 23:15

My Sis met a bloke on Match!! Happily married 10 years, she had two kids and was 36, it does happen.

Report

coronaway · 04/05/2021 23:31

Try meeting someone in real life OP as things start to open up again. OLD is horrendous quite frankly.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Email address

You've subscribed!

coronaway · 04/05/2021 23:32

Also figure out exactly what sort of man you want and then work out what sort of women they go for. Hopefully you'll be in alignment.

Report

Kisskiss · 05/05/2021 08:26

My friend met/married someone off tinder. And I know another woman who met/married/had a kid with someone off match.com. All of this when we were 36/37ish
Are you in a big city

Report

slamerkind · 05/05/2021 13:59

OP, I rejoined Mumsnet just to tell you my story and give you hope.

My marriage broke up when I was your age. I had two small children. For the next few years my love life was DIRE - I had a couple of lowering flings with porn-raddled bachelor sharky men met through OLD and real life, and the few men I did like didn't want me. So I basically thought, well that's it for me then, this is what it is being over 35 and a single parent, and so i gave up trying and didn't have sex for three years. I honestly thought that my ship had sailed, and I (almost) came to peace with it.

Then, when i was 40, not expecting anything, I met a man through work. He was my age, single and extremely attractive, and so i was wary, assuming he would be another of these broken grim player types. But he wasn't - he was just in a very similar situation to me (divorced, child) and after a few years of being single was finally ready for something serious. He was - is! - a truly special and completely non grim person, and five years later we are married and still madly in love. It's in a completely different league to my other relationships, including my first marriage. He is brilliant with my children, and I am very fond of his. We're too old to have one together, otherwise we'd have tried to do that too.

So don't give up. Or rather maybe do give up, because it's a lot less exhausting and potentially depressing way to get through the day, but stay open to being surprised.