Hi- its a long post, just need some advice from anyone going/been through something similar.
My husband left me almost 2 months ago out
. Neither of us have been very happy for over a year and we were trying but everything had become very strained. We have been together 15 years and married 9. We have 2 girls, a 3 year old and a 8 month old. Over the past year we tried to have talks about what both of us needed from each other, his being a lack of intimacy and affection, mine being feeling stressed anxious and depressed and feeling lack of respect from him. All it seemed to end in was both of us talking at each other and not really doing anything to change. And hence he became more and more distant, I let anxious intrusive thoughts become my reality (he doesn't like me/love me/ care about me) and I found it harder to be intimate and it was just so strained.
I still love him and am devastated by his leaving. However when i write this is seems easy to say we have grown apart and aren't suitable, in my head, but my heart just can't seem to catch up.
Its been 2 months and I feel worse than ever as I realise now he has gone. He feels like a total stranger and it hurts so much just to look at him. He is living with his mum and dad and takes the girls for an overnight stay twice a week (my suggestion, he wanted them but came up with no ideas) He has stepped up and is being a great dad,(along with his mum) and this kills me as he just sat back and did extremely little before, refused to take time off work (he'd work 6 or 7 days a week). Any family time was always left to me to think of what to do and it always felt like I was dragging him along and he couldn't wait to get home and have a drink and slob in front of tv. Also feeling resentful as I'm doing it all on my own and he has both his parents with him and its a 'sleepover at grannys' rather than him doing the job. Whilst I am the one having to pick between a crying baby or else a crying toddler and feeling constantly guilty especially when I do shout. Feel like if its not him taking responsibility then he shouldn't have them for so long, but I don't want to be bitter.
My other major difficulty is that I moved to live where he grew up. I lost touch with all my friends through distance and because he didn't like them, so I chose him over them. My family I get on OK with, but they're not emotionally supportive dnd again, distance has weakened our relationship as well as it was easier and i enjoyed his company more. But what it is now is incredibly lonely. I am left with 0 friends. His family whom I love and had strong relationships are attempting to keep up, but its just not the same, all it feels like is pity.
I'm living in our family home, which I don't want to as everywhere I look all I see is reminders of our life together and what it should have been. He doesn't want me to move. I don't want yo make any rash decisions but I feel like my mental health is suffering from feeling trapped in a museum to our life together.
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Relationships
Separation, depression and anxiety
9 replies
Bumbum23 · 02/05/2021 16:42
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