Rebound pregnancy

[Confusedman1234]

Hi everyone I’m a male just looking for advice,I met a girl straight after my 10 year relationship ended after 5months of been together I knew I didn’t love her she was just just a company for me and I wanted to ended things then she found out she was pregnant and I’m absolutely numb and devastated!! She stopped taking her pill without me knowing around the time she questioned why i seemed to be pulling away. She is now 16 weeks pregnant because she wanted to keep it, I always wanted kids but she’s not the person I wanted them too I wanted them with my ex who I still love a lot! I feel trapped in a rebound relationship and I don’t know what to do I’m so depressed and down and I haven’t shared my feelings with her as I don’t want to stress her out whilst she’s pregnant,I’ve become so distant with her since she become pregnant and only see her once a week now after spending everyday together at the start of the relationship. I feel like I get irritated over little things she does when she’s done nothing wrong but I know I don’t want to be with her but I feel like I have to stay and try because she’s pregnant but I really want my ex back!! I’ve got myself in such a mess I just don’t know what to do!! I’m hoping I will learn to love her when the baby comes and be a family but I really can’t see it happening and she’s so happy and thinks everything is fine when it’s not! I can’t even bring myself to buy anything for the baby as I feel to numb! Will staying with her for the wrong reasons make things worse?? I was ready to end things within a week of her finding out. I will 100% support her with the baby but I just really can’t see is working out Or me actually loving her will a baby make things worse for us as a couple of things are like this now?? She knew From the start it wasn’t ever going to be a serious relationship, I can’t sleep anymore I just feel strange and not myself,she’s 21 years old and I’m 32 it was only ever fun and company and now I’m in a relationship with a girl I don’t love and now I’ve messed up the chance to get back the person I wanted

[seensome]

I guess you should of been honest soon as she found out she was pregnant, then she could of decided to go ahead or not with the pregnancy but she now thinks you want the baby with her? It's going to be a very difficult situation and you will be a father now, you do not have to stay with her, are you living together? you can agree to co parent the child and be free to find someone else.

[Norabatty40]

What a pickle.. feel for that poor young girl really.. no other advice really cos sounds like u know already what ur going to do

[loosingmymind99]

Oh dear, honesty a baby can put as massive strain on even the most stable of relationships. So I can only imagine the pressure of a baby in an already rocky one. I'm sorry I have no advice or have no clue what to suggest what to do other than perhaps talk to her. Perhaps your feelings will change in time.

[Aquamarine1029]

End the relationship, but be the best father you can possibly be to your child. Nothing else matters aside from that. Don't be one of those men who walk away from their child because they can't be bothered.

[Confusedman1234]

No we aren’t living together I tried telling her at the start i didn’t think it was right to go ahead but she wanted to keep it so I felt awful bringing it up again because she was so excited but I was ready to end it then this happened I can’t seem to want to be around her anymore and she doesn’t seem bothered about not seeing me

[AnneLovesGilbert]

She’s a woman, not a girl. And things won’t magically fall into place once the baby arrives. Couples who’ve adored each other in long term committed relationships for years often drive each other mad in the wake of a newborn so things will get worse.

Break up with her, pay maintenance when the baby arrives, wear condoms every time you have sex in future until you actively decide to ttc with a woman who wants the same thing.

[Confusedman1234]

I’m hoping things do change and I’m really trying to make things work but I don’t know how I’m suppose to love someone who I don’t after 9months

[LoveIsAllThereIs]

I think you need to be honest with her so she can make some decisions based on the reality. It's unfair otherwise. She's only 21, don't potentially ruin her life by hiding the truth. It was very silly of her to come off the pill, but at 32 to her 21 you need to be the adult here. She has her whole life ahead of her. Were you really honest about how casual it was supposed to be? Why did you spend everyday with someone if it was casual? Sounds like you've never been very honest with her. Time to start, while she still has choices. How sad for a baby to be born into this. I hope if she decides to keep the baby that you can both try to be the best parents you can be, together or apart.

[Reinventinganna]

Pretending that you love her is worse than leaving.

Also, she’s a woman and 5 months in why weren’t you wearing a condom.

You are 32 but you sound very immature.

[Confusedman1234]

Because she was on the pill and stopped taking it without me knowing! I know I should have used protection but I didn’t think as she was the pill well so I thought she was

[bubblebath62636]

You're not much of a catch are you mate!

Step up and be there for your baby!

[Confusedman1234]

I was open and honest from the start I’d just come out of 10 year relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious and the every day thing just sort of happened as she would just come over when she had nothing to do after work

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Things won’t change. You don’t love her, don’t seem to like her, find her irritating, don’t want to spend time with her and you say she doesn’t seem bothered by seeing much less of you now.

So why hang around?

She got the baby she wanted, and you say she knew it was casual and lied about contraception. You get to walk away and go back to see if your ex will have you.

[Confusedman1234]

I’ve said I’ll be there for the baby 100% I just don’t want to hurt her feelings and stress her out whilst pregnant and I’m trying to make it work with her but non of this was planned she stopped her pill without telling me

[DeathToCovid]

Break up with her, you will only make her miserable and you’ll be miserable too, that’s not fair on anyone. You need to be honest with her, she will be hurt but will eventually move on and heal.

Then you need to be the best dad you can be, pay maintenance and next time wear a condom regardless of birth control.

[seensome]

If she's not that bothered about seeing you often then maybe she knows it won't work, I think she would be asking you to move in with her, it could be she wanted a baby more than being with you.

[MrBond]

Break up, citing that she stopped contraception without telling you and you will always be a bit resentful of that (you don't have to tell her this, but I would so she doesn't go doing it to the next chap, convinced he'll be OK with it in the end.

Be there for the kid but don't be one of those guys who storms in demanding 50/50 and overnights for a kid under age two/three as it's not good for them.

[SneezyGonzalez]

She has deliberately got herself pregnant on purpose while having you believe she was in the pill? What the hell did she expect would happen? How the hell did she expect you’d feel? It would never have ended well but now she’s bringing an innocent child into it. I’m sorry but if this thread is genuine then she sounds positively unhinged and definitely not mature enough to be a mother

[I0NA]

So you’re a 32 year old man who shagged a 21 yer old woman, didnt use contraception and now you are surprised that she’s pregnant ?

Well i hope you have a well paid job because you are going to have a Child to support for the next 20 years. Is your accommodation suitable to have your child 50% of the time and if not, what are your plans ? What about your work ? How do your parents feel about becoming grandparents ?

[Dery]

As a 32yo, you had no business messing with a 21yo for your rebound fun. If you wanted a bit of no-strings fun, you should have gone for someone older and more experienced. Someone who may have accepted that you meant what you said instead of hoping for sth more.

Anyway, you don’t love her and you won’t start to love her because of the baby and you should make clear you’re not offering her a relationship. You can co-parent, however, and provide maintenance.

[Opentooffers]

You can kiss any ideas of getting your ex back goodbye. You say you were going to end it before she got pregnant, but you didn't, so no proof you would of. Your 32, so old enough to be responsible, she's 21, young enough to be irresponsible . 5 months is long enough to suss if someone is falling for you, sounds like she wanted more all along, there would of been signs of this, but hey, you were getting sex, so went along with it regardless rather than ending it - you know what thought did. Unfortunately, no action to end it, but plenty of sex without condom use.
She thinks the baby will keep you around, she's 21 and maybe not mature enough to realise it won't. Do her a favour and end it sooner rather than later, and be unequivocal about it. But you should support and be in the child's life, well, forever really. Next time you want casual, use condoms, because you've messed this girl's life up for casual titillation. Don't think that would impress your ex much. Shows you are a idiot really.

[billy1966]

You need to be honest with her that it's not going to work and do your best for this child that you have created.

You are a very silly man to be having a fling with someone 11 years younger than you and not take responsibility for your contraception.
You are going to pay dearly for this mistake.

Tell your ex the truth.
If she has any sense she will move on and not get involved in this mess.

You need to be honest and to man up.

I feel sorry for you because you have really fxxked up.

This young woman gets to decide if she has this child but you would be better to be up front about co parenting.

What her agenda is going off the pill I I don't know but it strikes me as a deeply dishonest, dishonourable thing to do.

Learn from this.

[Confusedman1234]

I have a very good career and my mum and the rest of my family aren’t happy about it they’ve actually spoke about it to both of us that it’s right soon and isn’t a steady relationship but she didn’t seem fazed about what they said

[Dery]

And no form of contraception is 100% reliable. An unexpected pregnancy is always a possibility. If you’re completely set against a pregnancy resulting, you should at least share responsibility for contraception by wearing a condom.

[Confusedman1234]

My ex knows everything about it she’s been quite supportive despite been upset she’s been a friend to me but she said there’s no chance of getting back together now but yes I have really messed up and lost the person I wanted