Worried about moving in with my girlfriend and her kid.

(165 Posts)
Worried198X Mon 19-Apr-21 20:52:35

Hi all,

I worried about moving in with my girlfriend and her kids

OP’s posts: |
Worried198X Mon 19-Apr-21 20:53:38

I worried about moving in with my girlfriend and her kids. I work full time and my girlfriend works a few hours a week and has also been sporadically ill recently. I'm due to move in, in a few weeks but am worried about it..

Basically her kids (mid teen and early teen) do as they want in the house. They do very few chores, any time they eat between meals they leave rubbish, dirty dishes and cutlery on the counter, food out of the fridge, the lights on, presses open and the kitchen in a mess generally. They spend all day on their devices inc being on them after midnight on school nights with the eldest playing computer games in his room roaring and shouting. He also rarely flushes the toilet after he uses it and never washes his hands. Most times the younger child is asked to do a chore by her mother she walks off and says not doing it and goes back to her room on her devices.

I am up early every morning for work and need to get a good nights sleep and its difficult with kids roaming around after I go to bed and going down to the kitchen any time they want and leaving it in a mess. I only spend a few nights a week there but am constantly cleaning up after her kids and washing dishes and its fine now but if I was doing it full time it would drive me nuts as they are old enough to do it themselves. There's numerous other things but I'm not going to list them all off here.

Over time I've tried to bring this up calmly with my girlfriend in the it'd make me moving in smoother kind of way. I've mentioned I was doing an awful lot of dishes when it looked like none of the kids were doing any (I did 14 full sets of dishes over 9 days) and that I thought it was a bit unfair. I also mentioned that maybe her children could leave the kitchen in a reasonable state when they use it outside meals or if they don't do their chores maybe to turn off the Wifi until they do. Every time I suggest they help out a bit more (when I'm there and especially when I'm not there as she is sporadically ill) she gets highly offended and starts calling me all the names under the sun for insulting her children.

I know in my heart of hearts when I move in their behavior will drive me mad in a few weeks and I will leave. I don't want this to happen as I love my girlfriend but she makes no effort to change anything or just takes it as me insulting her children and gets highly offended if I suggest they help out.

What can I do about this or am I being completely unreasonable in my outlook.

Thanks,

OP’s posts: |
Unanananana Mon 19-Apr-21 20:55:07

Don't move in with her.

Solasum Mon 19-Apr-21 20:55:24

Don’t move in. And consider ending the relationship. You have very different views on what is acceptable in the home, and that isn’t going to change.

osbertthesyrianhamster Mon 19-Apr-21 20:55:46

FFS, WHY are you even considering this?

What can I do about this or am I being completely unreasonable in my outlook.

You say 'I'm not ready to move in with you and so I won't be doing it.'

STOP bloody going over there and skivvying.

Get a bloody backbone and say NO.

litterbird Mon 19-Apr-21 20:56:14

Do not, I repeat, do not move in. Thats all. Figure your relationship out living separately. Your relationship will be over in months if you continue to move in with her and her children. Sorry.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 19-Apr-21 20:58:09

I'm baffled as to why you're even considering it. I mean why?

UhtredRagnarson Mon 19-Apr-21 20:58:28

I can’t stress this strongly enough

DO NOT MOVE IN

Seriously. It has disaster written all over it. If you move in you have had fair warning- it will end badly. You know already how they live. You don’t like how they live. Why on earth would you move in with them??

Pupster21 Mon 19-Apr-21 20:58:43

Don’t move in. You’ll end up doing everything by the sound of it.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 19-Apr-21 21:00:33

Don’t stay with someone who insults you and refuses to communicate in a calm and respectful way, never mind move in.

Why are you with her?

Obviously don’t move in. And also please split up. There doesn’t seem to be much mutual respect in your relationship and it sounds like she lives in a shit tip which wouldn’t work for me.

bullyingadvice2017 Mon 19-Apr-21 21:00:43

Do not move in there. Your being taken for a right mug there.

Worried198X Mon 19-Apr-21 21:00:52

My girlfriend had told me she wants progression and if I don't move in soon its over. Her kids are nice and I get on well with them but they are let run wild in the house

OP’s posts: |
CervixHaver Mon 19-Apr-21 21:02:19

Presses open? Sorry what on earth does that mean?!?!

Twoginsonetonic Mon 19-Apr-21 21:03:00

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AdaColeman Mon 19-Apr-21 21:03:18

You know that you will hate living there, yet you are still planning to move in? Why?

Unanananana Mon 19-Apr-21 21:03:18

Worried198X

My girlfriend had told me she wants progression and if I don't move in soon its over. Her kids are nice and I get on well with them but they are let run wild in the house

Sounds like she wants a skivvy tbh....

ilovemydogandmrobama2 Mon 19-Apr-21 21:03:56

If your girlfriend is getting offended about chores at this stage, whether or not it's reasonable or not, is a red flag. Living with children/teenagers is a mine field as it is, even when parents agree on the little things.

Fast forward a few months: You will end up resenting the chaos, and your girlfriend will resent you for speaking to her children about it. They will take their mum's side against you etc. Or you do everything yourself, and that will get old really quickly.

why does your girlfriend get so offended? Does she feel that you are judging her? Maybe in previous relationships it was a bone of contention, the state of the house?

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 19-Apr-21 21:04:15

Sounds like she wants a skivvy tbh....

And some help with the bills.

osbertthesyrianhamster Mon 19-Apr-21 21:04:23

Worried198X

My girlfriend had told me she wants progression and if I don't move in soon its over. Her kids are nice and I get on well with them but they are let run wild in the house

FUCK THAT! She wants someone to skivvy.

AdaColeman Mon 19-Apr-21 21:04:32

Presses = cupboards

Worried198X Mon 19-Apr-21 21:04:38

CervixHaver

Presses open? Sorry what on earth does that mean?!?!

Leave the kitchen presses open. When they leave the bottom presses open the dog goes in and pulls out food and creates a mess which he couldn't do if they closed them

OP’s posts: |
AnneLovesGilbert Mon 19-Apr-21 21:04:47

She wants a full time pot washer. And another income propping her and her kids up. Who wouldn’t?

But you don’t want to move in so if it’s over because you won’t then it’s over.

Life washing your own dishes will be easier than skivvying for her and two teens.

altlife Mon 19-Apr-21 21:05:55

Why would you still be considering moving in?

Chunkymenrock Mon 19-Apr-21 21:06:02

Presses is an Irish word for cupboards.

Worried198X Mon 19-Apr-21 21:06:13

AnneLovesGilbert

Don’t stay with someone who insults you and refuses to communicate in a calm and respectful way, never mind move in.

Why are you with her?

Obviously don’t move in. And also please split up. There doesn’t seem to be much mutual respect in your relationship and it sounds like she lives in a shit tip which wouldn’t work for me.

To be fair the house is always clean but its from her cleaning and picking up after her kids (to the detriment of her own health).

OP’s posts: |

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