Am I being made a fool of?

(336 Posts)
MoonfacedMilksop Fri 09-Apr-21 18:36:56

I don’t really have many female friends. I’m pretty shy and awkward but really close to my family and perfectly happy with the way things are. I do have one friend, I’ll call her F, who was my best friend throughout secondary school. I used to be really outgoing and confident but something incredibly traumatic happened to me when I was 15. I wasn’t ostracised or anything at school because of this but no one really knew what to do with me other than to look pityingly at me. The only person that didn’t change was F, she was always great to me and made me feel normal and I’ll always be grateful to her for that.

Over the years we’ve kind of drifted apart. We still see each other for a night out maybe once every 6 weeks or so as we live in the same town but not much contact other than that apart from sending meme’s now and again. Obviously we didn’t see each other at all from Feb last year until a few weeks ago.

A few weeks ago she phoned me up in tears, her landlady needs the house back, she’s been there for years but never had a proper contract and as we live in a holiday destination absolutely everywhere is only renting out to tourists week per week (well, from Monday anyway). She asks if she can stay with me for a few weeks until something comes up. I have been converting an old stable block in my garden for my mum to live in as she’s getting increasingly frail. It’s not got a kitchen yet but otherwise all in working order so happy for her to stay there for a few weeks.

She arrived last week. The first night she arrived I said I’d pop round after dc were asleep and show her how everything works, see if there’s anything she needs. I go round with a bottle of wine and it’s immediately clear she doesn’t want me there. I’d poured myself a glass of wine and she was doing exaggerated sighs and just playing with her phone so much that I ended up staying less than 10 minutes. She messaged the next morning apologising saying that she was just feeling really useless at the moment, never wanted this to be her life and was really embarrassed that I’d had to help her out.

I thought I’d just give her space and leave her to do whatever but a few days later the electrician was due to go round and I needed to be there so I told her and went round when I said. Again, huffing and puffing and making it really uncomfortable for both me and the electrician.

Then today I was in the garden when I heard her come in through the bottom gate, she hadn’t seen me as I was out of view (not deliberately hiding!). She had a friend with her and I heard her say “you’ll have to be quiet, if she sees I’m in she’ll never leave me alone”. Friend laughs and I didn’t hear what was said next then F said “I know, not much longer then I won’t have to live in a hovel hiding....” then I didn’t hear what was said.

Where she’s staying isn’t a hovel, it’s a really nice conversion that I’m not asking for any payment for. I went round once when she arrived, clearly didn’t want me there then have been round once more when I had to.

Am I being made a fool of? I’m feeling so upset. I thought I was doing something really nice for a friend and she seems to hate me for it.

OP’s posts: |
BluebellsGreenbells Fri 09-Apr-21 18:41:27

Text her.

Sorry you fee your free rental is a hovel in hiding. Perhaps you prefer to be elsewhere.

Let me know when you’d like to drop the keys back.

StephenBelafonte Fri 09-Apr-21 18:43:15

Depends. When exactly did she move in and how many times have you been round there?

VettiyaIruken Fri 09-Apr-21 18:45:23

You've seen what she really thinks of you.
I don't think there's a way back from there.
Tell her to get out of your hovel and not to worry about you bothering her from now on.

romdowa Fri 09-Apr-21 18:45:49

I'd be asking her and her friend to leave . She is 100% making a fool out of you.

Sally2791 Fri 09-Apr-21 18:47:19

She’s horrible and taking advantage of your kindness. Call her out on it, encourage her to move on asap and forget about her. It’s shit when people treat you like that.

tobedtoMNandfart Fri 09-Apr-21 18:48:07

Yes you are being made a fool of.

Best case scenario. She's struggling and sometimes we say things we don't really mean, and you heard.

Worst case scenario. You've let her move in to your property with no contract and no rent agreed. Now you're beginning to realise she's a Cheeky Fucker.

Text her. Repeat what you heard her say. Leave the ball in her court.

crochetmonkey74 Fri 09-Apr-21 18:50:13

Yes and I'd be trying to get her out before it gets too difficult. I'd send a text along the lines of 'sorry short notice but the workers (plumber/electrician/fitters) want to work and it's easier empty so you'll need to be out next week'

StephenBelafonte Fri 09-Apr-21 18:50:25

Actually I agree with the others. She's horrid and cheeky. Ask her to leave and let her know you heard what she said.

Never a good deed goes unpunished they say.

SylviaPlath1984 Fri 09-Apr-21 18:52:49

She sounds utterly entitled and horrid. The moment I'd heard her say those things I'd have told both her and her mate to piss off immediately, I don't know how some people stay so calm and let stuff slide. GTFO my hovel and enjoy sleeping in your car!

MoonfacedMilksop Fri 09-Apr-21 18:53:30

She moved in last Wednesday and I went round on Wednesday evening then had to go round on monday morning with the electrician.

OP’s posts: |
StephenBelafonte Fri 09-Apr-21 18:55:14

Yes, sorry @MoonfacedMilksop I didn't read your original thread properly.

I honestly don't understand why people have to be so fucking horrible all the time. I would definately have confronted her - it's not too late too.

Wanderlusto Fri 09-Apr-21 19:00:48

I'd text her 'seen as its such a hovel, you wont mind moving out then. Be gone by Monday. Dickhead'.

PegasusReturns Fri 09-Apr-21 19:00:55

I’m not sure I’d be able to face an in person confrontation but in your circumstances I’d definitely text to say:

“I was disappointed to overhear your comments to your friend. I think it’s probably best if you leave ‘the hovel’. You can stay until Sunday, please drop the keys back before 4pm”

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy Fri 09-Apr-21 19:01:33

She’s a giant bitch and should go find someone else to leach off. Text her

vixeyann Fri 09-Apr-21 19:03:23

100% - ask her to leave. Tell her you heard what she said and you expect the keys back asap. You are not obliged to help people who treat you with contempt. Can't believe the brass neck of some people.

workshy44 Fri 09-Apr-21 19:05:46

Yes I would usually err on the side of giving people the benefit of the doubt but this is outrageous.
If you are friends not unreasonable to assume she would want you to pop around.
She is a complete user, I would have her out

Phoebesgift Fri 09-Apr-21 19:07:45

Tell her what you heard then ask her to leave. She is treating you like a mug.

MoonfacedMilksop Fri 09-Apr-21 19:10:04

I just find it so weird as we’ve been friends for 25 years. If she didn’t like me I don’t understand why she would’ve maintained contact. We’re certainly not the closest of friends but we always have a really good laugh together. It’s not been one sided either, she’s arranged meet ups as often as I have. I don’t understand why me helping her out has suddenly made her unable to stand me being near her.

OP’s posts: |
bert3400 Fri 09-Apr-21 19:10:53

I'd be so hurt & upset if I heard this and I'd want to confront her. How dare she say that, after you've done her a massive favour. I'd be fuming but I'm quite heart on the sleeve and would throw her out immediately.

alpenguin Fri 09-Apr-21 19:11:21

Kick her out. She’s not your friend so why should you be doing her any favours.

vixeyann Fri 09-Apr-21 19:13:08

I wonder if she is resentful and jealous of your situation OP - nice house with an annex, so she is being spiteful. Either way, not someone you need in your life.

Lockdownlife2021 Fri 09-Apr-21 19:14:41

vixeyann

I wonder if she is resentful and jealous of your situation OP - nice house with an annex, so she is being spiteful. Either way, not someone you need in your life.

I agree it sounds like she was more embarrassed about her situation infront of her friend rather than your accommodation.

But a shit friend anyway and she should have been the one bringing you round wine!!

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy Fri 09-Apr-21 19:15:17

MoonfacedMilksop

I just find it so weird as we’ve been friends for 25 years. If she didn’t like me I don’t understand why she would’ve maintained contact. We’re certainly not the closest of friends but we always have a really good laugh together. It’s not been one sided either, she’s arranged meet ups as often as I have. I don’t understand why me helping her out has suddenly made her unable to stand me being near her.

Her behaviour is bizarre, and it is on her. The important thing here is that you don’t deserve this, you deserve to be treated with basic respect, especially in your own home.

OnASwankyMarleyPond Fri 09-Apr-21 19:16:27

That is shit, OP, I’m sorry.

I suspect she knew you were doing up the annexe for your mum and decided to use your friendship to make her life easier / gain free accommodation. Not a friend at all - get rid.

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