Cut off :(

[mynamesjefff]

I have been dating a man for a couple of months now and things were going really well. We’ve been on several dates and I felt I could really laugh with this man, there’s no awkwardness and we always have a good time. He sends really lovely texts in the mornings and has recently been saying things like how he’s excited for us to do things when places open again, and how he feels really happy. I’ve felt really comfortable and happy with the pace and I do believe he is really into me. From the beginning, we have both been clear we both want a relationship, and I’ve been developing feelings.

Last week, I met a few of his friends for a socially distant picnic. He was saying about how excited he is to introduce me to them as he thinks I would fit in perfectly. And I had a really nice time!
We had plans to meet yesterday and he texted me in the morning saying he couldn’t wait to see me 🥰

We met up and I instantly knew he was completely different. He seemed very quiet, down and a bit funny with me. But we went on our walk and to grab a bite to eat and I had a nice time with him. He was being off but was still holding my hand, giving me hugs etc. I excitedly gave him some ideas of what we could do on the weekend and he agreed to them all. We also went to the shop to buy some drinks for the evening.

Later in the day, I ask if everything is okay as he was being really unresponsive. He says “yes, absolutely, nothing at all”. Then, out of nowhere he comes out with “I’m not ready for anything”. Of course I was shocked and reacted to this, saying he was acting like he was ready, said all these things to me and has basically gone from 100 to 0.
He said he isn’t over his ex and me being at the picnic just made him think of her doing all those things, and he isn’t ready for anyone to fill that gap - he was adamant it was nothing to do with me.
He seemed so unsure about things and it was all so sudden, he said some contradictory things, and said his “head was f**ked” and he seemed very anxious:

• He let me go to the shop and buy food for the evening, and excitedly plan the weekend, when apparently he knew all day that this all wasn’t going to happen, but “didn’t want to upset me”. But he only told me when I asked if he was okay. He said he “wanted to take the day to think/see”. Now I feel like if I didn’t ask, things might be okay? ☹️ He said me asking made him realise I wasn’t happy with how he was being, and that this wasn’t good to continue.
  
• He said at first he was really unsure and maybe we can still FaceTime tonight. He then decided suddenly that he 100% does not want to speak to anyone - never wants to speak to me or hear from me again.
  
• He texted me that same morning saying he couldn’t wait to see me and was so enthusiastic.
  
• He said everything about me is perfect for him and he couldn’t have found a better match for him, but he wants to cut me off.
  

This has been so hard for me to hear and the biggest shock, especially as it seemed to be him pushing towards a relationship and, a matter of days ago, telling me he’d never been so happy, he sees me in his future and he can’t wait to get to know me even better.
He was very teary as I left and said he was disappointed in himself but knows he needs time for himself. He seemed so unsure about everything he was saying but we said goodbye and now I am devastated.

I’m very teary this morning as it feels so weird going from so much to never hearing from someone again and I’m finding it hard to adjust to him not calling or texting this morning. What do people make of this and what do I do? ☹️

[ekidmxcl]

I’d say he is not seeing you exclusively and has been found out.

It all sounds very cryptic and although this is shocking and hurtful for you now, it’s better to discover that he is at best very strange and at worst a total liar now rather than later.

[TheWaif]

Whatever is actually happening, there's nothing you can do about it. I know it's hard but you need to just accept it's over. Don't let him suck you back in, because he'll do it over and over again.

[PriestessofPing]

How long ago did they split up? Is he rebounding with you? Rebounds can feel really intense right up until reality hits you in the face.

[ComtesseDeSpair]

I’d take him at face value. He likes you but isn’t over his ex, spending time with you in a context he would have usually been with his ex in has made him realise that. Just do as he’s asked, and don’t contact him. Yes, it will hurt - but just a few weeks ago you’d never set eyes in him and were getting along just fine. You’ll be just fine without him again.

[Anordinarymum]

It isn't fair on you when someone blows hot and then cold when you know you have not changed or done anything wrong; how are you supposed to deal with it ?

He behaved like a child. This may be indicative of what he is really like. I would give him time and space and let him make the next move. You are not his mother so don't pander to him.

If he comes back to you with a reasonable explanation of his petulant behaviour and you decide to continue, be wary of how he behaves next time something triggers his memory.
What a baby

[oreo2020]

Actually I understand where he is coming from and understand his confused behaviour too. In my he wasn't being immature, he was honest. Do not contact him and forget about him. He does sound like he needs to work on himself.

[gamerchick]

He might be telling the truth, he might not have got the seal of approval from his friends. It could be anything.

But ultimately, you've had a lucky escape if this is how he treats people. Don't be pulled back in.

[Dacquoise]

He may be an avoidant, someone who wants a relationship but when you get too close he has to back off to preserve distance from you. He is not comfortable or able to do intimacy so pulls you in, then pushes you out when you get too close. The idealised 'ex' can also be a symptom, designed to manage your expectations of being the 'one'.

I may be wrong but I would be very wary of someone like this, this is the path where misery lies. You deserve better.

[ALittleBitConfused1]

I've had something similar but slightly different circumstances, I won't go into details because they aren't relevant, the only relevant part is, for whatever reason that's how he feels. There isn't much you can do about it except move on and be thankful it happened now rather than months down the line.
It could be that's he is lying and there is more to it or it could be that the realtythetuation he is in and his feelings over his ex have sneaked up and smacked him in the face as he says, it happens. Either way it doesn't really matter to you now, the situation is how it is. Lick your wounds, spend some time just getting over the hurt, it is very upsetting and disappointing but you will get over it. The only thing I would say is that I would block him and delete his number, just in case he does another u turn or contacts you again in a few months time, there's no point investing time and energy getting over something to be sucked back in again. I find that no contact and a complete break in these scenarios may be harder at first but are the healthiest and most productive ways to deal with them in the long run. Take care op.

[Ohpulltheotherone]

Ah OP this is shit and it’s upsetting when this sort of thing happens. Rejection is never fun and you’ve been caught up in the first flush of feelings so you’re bound to be hurt and teary.

Take some time to vent and rant to friends if you need it, have a bit of wallow for today and be kind to yourself. But don’t fall into a pit of despair. It is upsetting but ultimately he’s within his right to decide if he wants a relationship or not. And he’s chosen not to at the moment. Whether there is more to the story is irrelevant really - it sounds like there might be someone else in the background. Either way he sounds a bit messed up and weak.

I personally would be blocking him, wishing him well in my head and moving on. You don’t owe him a friendship or anything else.

You’re allowed to be a bit sad, being dumped is just one of those horrible things most ppl have to go through once or twice in life

[SweetToffee]

It’s crap when you get the ... you said x and that made me think z... bollocks to him

[Alonelonelyloner]

I'm sorry OP. It sounds like he was honest though and better now than much later.
It is entirely possible to suddenly realise that you aren't ready. I have been there. People jumping to conclusions that there is someone else there is far fetched.
He has told you the truth it seems.
I now it is hard. At least he hasn't messed you around for years.
I'm sorry.

[AnaViaSalamanca]

God he is a drama queen. Given that it happened after you met his friends he probably has unfinished business with other girls too and juggling a few

OP not sure how old you are but these type of people (both men and women) are bad business and will diminish your confidence and make you constantly question your worth and your judgement

[mynamesjefff]

Thank you everyone 💛 I am feeling really sad today admittedly, weird not hearing from him and knowing I won’t, but I don’t think there’s much else I can do sadly

[meanwhilebacktobasics]

That's really rubbish OP, you must feel so let down. Just watch out for him reappearing at a future date though, and make sure you don't get hooked back for more of the push-pull dynamics. Better things will come

[expectopelargonium]

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt to be honest.

It took me 6 years and counselling before I was ready for a proper relationship after my first marriage broke down.

[WatieKatie]

I’d just leave it OP and go no contact. I appreciate this won’t be easy & isn’t what you’d like to hear.

He’s said he’s not ready. Give him space. He’ll either come back realising they actually he is ready, or you won’t hear from him again. For your own sake move on & don’t waste anymore time.

[Whenitgothard]

Definitely go no contact with him. The ex maybe back in the scene if one of his mates told her and she might be the type to not like the fact he’s moving on.
The best this is no contact, if it’s because the ex is back, then she will get bored if she doesn’t feel like she’s winning over you and plus he will get time to remember the good things about you and the reason he split with his ex.
The when he contacts you or you message him in a months time, it will be massively different because you won’t be bothered and he would of missed you.
Iv been there and it’s worked 3 times

[mynamesjefff]

You’re all absolutely right and I’m not going to be making any contact. I completely understand where he’s coming from. It just hurts a bit after getting my to like him so much and just suddenly going to nothing!

I appreciate all your comments, thanks all

[EL8888]

So sorry to hear this . I also agree with others not to contact him

[mynamesjefff]

Also think it’s harder because he hasn’t said to slow things down, he has said outright to just cut each other off as it’s probably for the best (which I agree, saves us both faff, but it’s so hard to adjust to!!!)
💛

[mynamesjefff]

Feeling sad this evening. Feel he ticked all the boxes and we had a really good connection. It’s a shame it was poor timing ☹️

[youvegottenminuteslynn]

Chin up OP, it's rubbish right now but it's great you found out this early rather than him stringing you along and you getting increasingly anxious about the relationship while he did so. Is there a box set you can binge on? Can you plan some little pick me ups for this week? Takeaway one night, some magazines / new book, podcasts etc?

[RLEOM]

It's crap but he sounds adamant. Maybe he's started to reconnect with his ex? Or wasn't fully over her prior to dating you?

Sorry you've been strung along by someone who wasn't ready. At least you'll now be free to meet someone who is emotionally available.

[fedup078]

This has happened to me before and it's turned out the ex was back on the scene
It hurts but block him and move on