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Relationships

Gf recieveing message from other guys.

36 replies

Notquitethere01 · 08/03/2021 09:14

I don't know if I'm overreacting or am I right to feel a bit weird about this?
My gf asked me to read out something on her phone to her and as I did, a message came through from instagram from a guy replying to a story she had posted. This guy is someone I know about and who she has openly told me she talked to before we got together. She went almost embarrassed when it happened but I kept quiet and didn't make a big deal out of it. I know this guy has reacted or responded to her stories before because she has told me. However, it made me feel really quite uneasy yesterday.

After what happened she has really stepped up her loving side, hugging me, kissing me, telling me how much she loves me etc. Said I'm her soul mate etc.

A few hours later I told her that the message unsettled me, like it would if I had one from a girl. I guess what is going through my mind is if she has been messaging him back and forth and I don't know about it. But I have zero evidence of that.

She told me she knew I had something on my mind and she promised me that (quite sincerely) that she would never do anything to break what he had. I told her that I trust her and that's all I can do.

Am I right to be worrying about this? I guess I can't be sure 100% but I have to trust her until proven otherwise?

OP posts:
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Lovelydiscusfish · 08/03/2021 09:19

Was there something in the nature of the message that upset you? Was it flirtatious?

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Notquitethere01 · 08/03/2021 09:22

@Lovelydiscusfish not really. She posted a pic of her making tea and he replied sonething about it looking really good

OP posts:
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pinkyredrose · 08/03/2021 09:26

It's not her, it's you. Jealousy is never a good trait.

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Moondust001 · 08/03/2021 09:28

You expect her to never communicate with any other male than you? And you think she is the problem for trying to reassure you about something that is in your head?

You are being utterly ridiculous and sound like you aren't grown up enough to be in a relationship.

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seensome · 08/03/2021 09:33

I don't think so, she gave you her phone so wasn't expecting any messages, the message was a comment her tea anyway nothing flirty, he could be testing the waters to see if she's still single, happens quite a lot of past people you've 'talked' to in the past to pop up again, when this happened to me I just ignored them.

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Rosieposy89 · 08/03/2021 09:56

I think you're overthinking that message. It was just a compliment and with IG stories you can only reply as a private message. It would make me feel suffocated if my husband had an issue with that.

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vodkaredbullgirl · 08/03/2021 10:01

You are overthinking, she wouldn't have let you have her phone if she had something to hide.

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Maxellious · 08/03/2021 10:06

I think you are also underestimating the amount of messages women get from men on social media, particularly Instagram. I think a lot of women just become desensitised to it and learn to just ignore the attention. Men who don't know are often surprised by the amount of shit women put up with: a comment about tea wouldn't even register to me tbh.

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Lovelydiscusfish · 08/03/2021 10:07

That wouldn’t worry me at all. Random blokes from my past (work colleagues and so forth) sometimes comment randomly on my things on Facebook. I’m not having affairs with any of them.

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Shoxfordian · 08/03/2021 10:08

What’s wrong with that? Unless she was telling him she loved him or sending him inappropriate pictures then you’re just being jealous

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goldielockdown2 · 08/03/2021 10:15

She's interactive on IG, using the platform as it's meant to be used. What is the problem exactly?

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Queenoftheashes · 08/03/2021 10:23

Sounds like she is quite nervous of your jealousy and moods from all the reassuring of you she had to do. Maybe you should do her/all women a favour and stay single until you are more mature.

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aloeha · 08/03/2021 11:05

YABVU, you surely can’t expect her to never speak to a man again?

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Kelly345 · 08/03/2021 11:08

Was she making a cup of tea naked or something?

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RantyAnty · 08/03/2021 11:11

Very needy

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Wanderlusto · 08/03/2021 11:30

Oh dear. So what next, is she going to have to remove all the men from her social media?

That being said...benefit of the doubt, maybe its just because she had a thing for him. But have you removed all your past exs and crushes and dates from your social media? Doubt it.

And when you two split (I say when because it's likely you will at some point) maybe she will want to date him. Maybe you will want to date someone you liked who you still have a social media connection with. Or maybe not.

Its completely irrelevant provided there is no flirting with them or innaproptaite conversations DURING your relationship. Which, his comment was not. If she had replied 'looking sexy yourself' then maybe youd have an issue bit as is, nah.

So buck up with the insecurity and jealousy. Or she might end up dating him afterall, because she dumped you.

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Eckhart · 08/03/2021 11:32

Why did you tell her you trust her when you don't, @Notquitethere01?

This is a minimisation of your feelings, regardless of whether she's guilty of anything or not.

If you are not having an open and honest relationship with yourself, how can you have an open and honest relationship with anybody else?

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Magnificentmug12 · 08/03/2021 11:35

Welcome to women! We have to put up with that shit all the time it doesn’t even register.

Can’t even make a innocent cup of tea without a bloke passing comment/flirting/trying his luck!

Don’t beat her down for it, tell her if she finds it starts to get uncomfortable then let you know and you will tell him to stop messaging her. (She may not ask you though because she is desensitised to it)

Nice that she was reassuring after. If she went off on one about it that’s when you have to worry, when the defence rises.

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ErickBroch · 08/03/2021 11:38

That's quite a basic message at least. I think she would be more secretive with her phone if she had something to hide. If I am being totally honest, if my DP was getting messages from someone he spoke to before we got together purely in a romantic sense I would feel uneasy unless it was quite mundane chat. Which, from that message, it could well be!

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ErickBroch · 08/03/2021 11:39

Like others have said, as a woman I have received so many messages unsolicited so it could be he just is always trying to talk and she isn't interested. Been there.

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crestar · 08/03/2021 12:42

Typical Mumsnet bias.

If this was the other way round, some of the previous posters would likely be saying to LTB, to do further investigation and to get your ducks in order.

This message on the face of it sounds completely innocent unless she's given you any grounds to think otherwise?

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Lovelydiscusfish · 08/03/2021 14:10

@crestar

Typical Mumsnet bias.

If this was the other way round, some of the previous posters would likely be saying to LTB, to do further investigation and to get your ducks in order.

This message on the face of it sounds completely innocent unless she's given you any grounds to think otherwise?

I’m not actually sure that’s true - OP’s provocation for jealousy here seems so slight......
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AryaStarkWolf · 08/03/2021 14:20

@crestar

Typical Mumsnet bias.

If this was the other way round, some of the previous posters would likely be saying to LTB, to do further investigation and to get your ducks in order.

This message on the face of it sounds completely innocent unless she's given you any grounds to think otherwise?

I don't think so. Maybe find some of those threads where it's a man sending the messages and see and it has to be a total non flirty/really normal text like the one the OP mentioned
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Moondust001 · 08/03/2021 14:57

@Magnificentmug12

Welcome to women! We have to put up with that shit all the time it doesn’t even register.

Can’t even make a innocent cup of tea without a bloke passing comment/flirting/trying his luck!

Don’t beat her down for it, tell her if she finds it starts to get uncomfortable then let you know and you will tell him to stop messaging her. (She may not ask you though because she is desensitised to it)

Nice that she was reassuring after. If she went off on one about it that’s when you have to worry, when the defence rises.

Really? That's what you got from this? She needs a man to protect her from other men communicating with her? Which century are you in? You sound worse than the boyfriend, and that was bad enough.
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Magnificentmug12 · 08/03/2021 18:12

Of course you read it like that moondust.

Says more about you than me.

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