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Slept without colleague... how to make it fwb?

(198 Posts)
OopsIDidItAgain123 Thu 04-Mar-21 19:51:31

Ok so I’ve Namechanged for this because on my
‘Normal’ username I’ve mentioned my job in posts (not hugely unique but still!).
In January I slept with a very senior colleague- 30 years older than me (55 years old) and well known as a flirt/ladies man. He always went out of his way to say hello, speak and walk with me whenever he saw me. Just before Christmas he asked for my number in front of his juniors.

We text for a few weeks (he was out of the country) and then in the day he returned, I went to his house for wine. Obviously this ended in us shagging- he was amazingly gifted at oral sex and probably the best I’ve ever been with! We did it again in the morning too, he then hugged me on his doorstep and thanked me for a very nice night.
I am under no illusions- he openly told me he hasn’t had a relationship or girlfriend in 30 years, since he was 25! He doesn’t commit.
A few days after shagging he text me asking how I was and we shared a joke about his hundreds of calls being one way to exercise his tongue...
Anyway, two weeks ago I messaged again asking if he would like to do wine again (we are both single adult households) and he said sure, I can’t do tonight but next weekend? He needed to catch up on sleep apparently after a few very intense days. I found this a bit odd as he previously did wine/a shag the day of landing back in the U.K.! Then he checked again that I could do the following Saturday- I agreed and he said this was perfect. We didn’t message at all after that- that Saturday came and we didn’t message one another at all so the second meeting never happened! I am quite stubborn and believed if he wanted to he would have messaged me asking a time/place. Also, I wasn’t quite sure about him being tired the previous weekend.
Now I would really like to sleep with him again as FWB! Our night together was in January so even as a commitmentphobe, I doubt he could consider me as clingy! We haven’t seen eachother at work since due to our rotas.
Would it be desperate to text asking if we were doing wine this weekend perhaps? The conversation was left 2 weeks ago with him saying he would sleep for rest and I sent a wink face. I just want him as a casual thing!

OP’s posts: |
SameToo Thu 04-Mar-21 19:57:05

He’s not interested. Get an Sti test.

zzzooomwatcher Thu 04-Mar-21 20:05:06

He is not interested for whatever reason. Or he expects to just msg you at his convenience and not the other way around.

How old are you? Is this the first older guy you've been with? Just cause if you're young and have only slept with more inexperienced men I could see why you're so enthralled. But otherwise, (older) dick is plentiful - no need to go chasing after this one there's loads more out there!

OopsIDidItAgain123 Thu 04-Mar-21 20:12:22

I’m 25- he is the second older man I’ve been. The other was good but this colleague was particularly good! Completely different to sex with men my own age. Really really good.

If he was going to message at his convenience then I think he would have by now. I have no idea how it will be when we do have to see eachother at work.
So frustrating that he’s not interested in even another hook up! Especially
As he guided the conversation back to meeting the next Saturday (as I was discussing my Covid vaccine too).
I thought most men would Always take a shag, I’m not asking for marriage blush. Clearly I’m wrong...
gosh I cannot stop thinking about how good he was! I’m sure viewing porn as teenagers has massively affected how men my own age do sex/perceive women

OP’s posts: |
HelloThereMeHearties Thu 04-Mar-21 20:16:57

In the last 30 years, he's learnt to spot a young woman who wants more than he's prepared to give.

If you really did just want a bit of FWB, you wouldn't have given us so much detail. Or even posted, probably. He's got under your skin. Be honest with yourself, and you'll realise why he's backing off.

sammylady37 Thu 04-Mar-21 20:18:36

I am quite stubborn and believed if he wanted to he would have messaged me asking a time/place. Also, I wasn’t quite sure about him being tired the previous weekend

If you ‘just want a casual thing’ why all this angst and game playing? FWB is the opposite of that. You accept it’s not exclusive, so you shouldn’t be bothered if he was genuinely tired the previous weekend or was putting his tongue to use on another woman’s bits. And you don’t sit on your hands waiting for him to text to confirm because you think it should conform to some rules in your head, you do it yourself if and when you decide to.

FWB works amazingly well when both people understand what it is and want it. Not otherwise.

GentlemanJay Thu 04-Mar-21 20:22:20

I've been lucky enough to have two long FWB relationships. At the moment you are at best approaching FBs but still a long way off even that.

He's under your skin for sure but that's not a bad thing. If he as you describe. A bit of a ladies man I'm surprised he hasn't wanted round two.

He's playing it very casual. Two casual in fact. I'm not sure he's really that bothered.

barm87 Thu 04-Mar-21 20:36:30

After 30 years of being single, he will have a lot of numbers in his little black book and if he is as good in bed as you say then you can be sure he will be having sex with others. Do you really want that? Just leave it. He will come knocking if he wants you again and if he does you really have a decision to make.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 04-Mar-21 20:39:08

Don't shit where you eat.

AramintaLee Thu 04-Mar-21 20:44:25


Don't shit where you eat.


Also you're definitely coming across super angsty and like you're after more than FWB (which is the definition of angst-free) As a previous poster suggested, maybe have a think and see if you're being honest about what you said.

On a side note, he sounds like an absolute dicksplash and is probably ripe with STI's.

Thefaceofboe Thu 04-Mar-21 20:48:02

He probably sees a different women every night. I don’t see how this could appeal to you

digitaldays Thu 04-Mar-21 20:48:25

He's 30 years older than you. He's also not interested. Snd he's most Kelly sleeping around. Avoid like the plague. Or syphillis

HelloThereMeHearties Thu 04-Mar-21 20:50:27

Are you even allowed to meet up with him? hmm

Iploughthefieldsandscatter Thu 04-Mar-21 20:53:02

I’m guessing he is a consultant and you are a nurse? Familiar pattern!

Monty27 Thu 04-Mar-21 20:54:35

OP you want dates with a fuck buddy?.You need to raise your radar on one night stands.
He's a busy man remember.

EarthSight Thu 04-Mar-21 21:00:24

Unless you are actually friends (in which case there's a risk of developing deeper feelings), expect to be picked up and discarded whenever the fancy takes the other person. They owe you nothing. They have no emotional ties to you. You are simply using each other's bodies for sexual release. If they're not interested, you need to accept that and walk away.

Also, 30 years older??? Makes me wonder if you have issues with your father.

SpringtimeForShitler Thu 04-Mar-21 21:02:50

Think you have to leave it and search out new dick. He doesn’t sound really interested – I wouldn’t double text him. If he had any interest in shagging you’d soon have heard about it.

Iwonder08 Thu 04-Mar-21 21:05:24

OP, if you are really after a fuck buddy why don't you say so? He might be thinking you might want something else. If he is so good and that is what you want there is absolutely no need to sit and wait until he calls you. Tell him explicitly you enjoyed it and love to do it again with no strings of any kind attached. If he turns you down at least you can move on rather than guess

category12 Thu 04-Mar-21 21:06:19

Wasn't it really cringey giving your number to a well-known womaniser in front of everybody? I'm surprised you thought that was cool.

I think he figures he's got you at his disposal whenever he wants, so he's after other game.

Branleuse Thu 04-Mar-21 21:08:46

I wouldnt bother.

TheCatWithTheFluffyTail Thu 04-Mar-21 21:11:48

I guess a key question is whether he enjoyed sex with you as much as you did with him. It sounds like he has his pick of other women and probably plenty of FWB already.

roses2 Thu 04-Mar-21 21:12:27

Ask him directly if he wants to meet up for a shag since that's all you want.

toomanyplants Thu 04-Mar-21 21:22:47

Clearly he doesn't want it.
Raise the bar.
He sounds foul.

YoBeaches Thu 04-Mar-21 21:41:28

1. You can't stop thinking about a one night stand you had several weeks ago... but aren't clingy...
2. He got what he wanted from you already

Miffyliffy Thu 04-Mar-21 21:43:16

I highly doubt he was tired, he probably had another young female colleague he was pounding that night and was making excuses.

Please don't think you're the only one, don't think he's the way he is and you're the only young attractive woman after him, he probably loves the ego boost of you following up with texts.
.go find another dick.

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