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Next steps. Do I say anything?

(15 Posts)
Fuckmyliferightnow Tue 23-Feb-21 14:49:56

I may have found someone who's able to help with getting my name off the mortgage, so I can move out and claim UC.
Sounds like a good legal firm who deals with women in tough situations. I hope they can help.
My question is, do I tell EXDP?
(We still share the same home).

Do I warn him that I'll be taking my name off the deeds now?
It will take a few weeks, or should I let him find out when it happens.
I'm worried about his reaction, he won't get physical or anything but it will still be pretty monumental and oscar winning.

OP’s posts: |
meditationsituation Tue 23-Feb-21 14:54:47

The only way you can come off a joint mortgage is if the other person is able to remortgage for your share as well. He will need to go through the affordability checks and so on, either with the current provider or a new mortgage provider. In other words, you won't be able to do it without telling him. You need to go through a process called "transfer of equity."

nitsandwormsdodger Tue 23-Feb-21 15:02:10

I assume you have had financial advice about coming off the Morgage? Doesn't sound like a good thing for you ?
He is going to he your ex and you say not physical , unless there is anything else that needs negotiation and his cooperation... nah I'd still leave it just in case

Fuckmyliferightnow Tue 23-Feb-21 15:07:29

Do I have the discussion and tell him my intentions or leave it for when all the paperwork arrives?

OP’s posts: |
meditationsituation Tue 23-Feb-21 15:29:09

But you can't get the paperwork without telling him, is my point...

Fuckmyliferightnow Tue 23-Feb-21 16:41:32

I haven't had legal advice yet, I'm waiting for the call.
Should I dit down before and tell him my intentions? Is there anyway he can stop the process or counter it?

OP’s posts: |
Outbutnotoutout Tue 23-Feb-21 16:54:14

Why can't you sell the house, share the equity and both move on?

Is he keeping all the money?

PatriciaHolm Tue 23-Feb-21 17:20:03


I haven't had legal advice yet, I'm waiting for the call.
Should I dit down before and tell him my intentions? Is there anyway he can stop the process or counter it?

Well yes - he doesn't have to sign the documents/do the disclosure to take the mortgage on by himself, at this point. And the bank won't just take you off unless he complies. Essentially, from their point of view they currently have 2 of you to claim repayments from, and they can't compel just one of you to take on the debt unless that person agrees (and can pass the affordability test).

In the longer term if he does nothing, or refuses, there are legal means to extract yourself but that would require taking him to court.

BrowncoatWaffles Tue 23-Feb-21 17:20:51

If the house is mortgaged you can't get yourself removed without him agreeing to take on the full debt/property.

Is it the mortgage or the deeds of the house you're talking about?

StormBaby Tue 23-Feb-21 17:22:36

It’s took me ten years to be able to sort out the property I owned with my ex DH. It’s fairly complicated OP

category12 Tue 23-Feb-21 17:24:16

Wait until you've had legal advice to clarify what you can achieve and have some timescale of events planned out. Like, if you get to the point that some paperwork is about to be sent out, then decide whether you want to forewarn him of its arrival or not.

But it's no point getting him all stirred up ahead of events, when you haven't yet put anything in motion.

Fuckmyliferightnow Tue 23-Feb-21 17:40:46

I will be taking my name off, not claiming any equity.
I've been in an extremely unhappy relationship with him, I ended it last year and he refused to let me 'split the family up'.

The mortgage is up for renewal next year but I can't wait until then, I'm very poorly and feel pretty desperate.

I need to find a rental and get away from him.

OP’s posts: |
Fuckmyliferightnow Tue 23-Feb-21 17:52:52

I should add that when we took out the mortgage I was only earning £300 per month, so my income didn't account for too much.
He can afford to take on the mortgage.

OP’s posts: |
picklemewalnuts Tue 23-Feb-21 17:57:47

Wait for the legal advice, and listen to it. They will have the clearest understanding of what's entailed, and will have dealt with couples where one was obstructive before.

category12 Tue 23-Feb-21 18:04:40

If he's difficult and obstructive, and of the wrong opinion that he needs to agree to ending the relationship before it can end, you're much better keeping your cards close to your chest and not informing him of your plans/intentions ahead of time.

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